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44 Public Reviews Given
106 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of For Worse  Open in new Window.
Review by Erin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed this short drama. You built a character that I cared about and drew up real feelings of sadness within me. Bravo!

The structure of this story is intriguing. I liked how it began with her getting dressed for the wedding, it made me want to know why she was feeling so poorly, and instead of telling the reason, you flashed back and showed the scene where it all fell apart before bringing us back to her on her wedding day.

Great piece! Thanks for sharing!

Erin
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Review of Step  Open in new Window.
Review by Erin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I like both versions of this poem, Verm. However, the first version stands out in my mind more. Each image pulls itself out individually and yet still manages to mesh with the rest to create a vivid single image and idea within the poem.

Keep writing!
Erin

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Review of Continental  Open in new Window.
Review by Erin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi!


*Flower4* Overall Impression

Gorgeous poem about a beautiful place.

*Flower4* Suggestions for improvement

Typos:

mids eye should be minds eye

becons should be beckons

*Flower4*Strong points

Excellent imagery, I felt as if I were there.

*Flower4* Rating
   *Right*5.0*Left*

Keep writing,
Erin

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4
Review of My fairy friend.  Open in new Window.
Review by Erin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi!


*Flower4* Overall Impression

Cute, sweet, smooth poem.

*Flower4* Suggestions for improvement

None. *Smile*

*Flower4*Strong points

I love how well this flows, it's very natural and smooth.

*Flower4* Rating
   *Right*5.0*Left*

Keep writing,
Erin

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5
5
Review of CHIVALRY  Open in new Window.
Review by Erin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi!


*Flower4* Overall Impression

*Bigsmile* Great poem to go with that image!
It made me smile!

*Flower4* Suggestions for improvement

None. *Smile*

*Flower4*Strong points

The whole poem is amusing, but I liked the last stanza best.

*Flower4* Rating
   *Right*5.0*Left*

Keep writing,
Erin

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6
Review by Erin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!


*Flower4* Overall Impression

Thanks for creating this archive, I think I've found another newsletter to subscribe to.

*Flower4* Suggestions for improvement

You've got an invalid item listed and a couple of places that just say, {citem: }. Just wanted to make sure you knew.

*Flower4* Rating
   *Right*4.5*Left*

Keep writing,
Erin

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7
7
Review by Erin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi!


*Flower4* Overall Impression

I like it! I've got chills of excitement, I want to write too.

*Flower4* Suggestions for improvement

None. *Smile*

*Flower4*Strong points

The ending was especially strong.

*Flower4* Rating
   *Right*5.0*Left*

Keep writing,
Erin

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8
8
Review by Erin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi!


*Flower4* Overall Impression

Interesting write.

*Flower4* Suggestions for improvement

1. Pick a catchier intro. The "blah blah blah" doesn't make me want to read this piece, I almost didn't.

2. Read this aloud and see how it sounds there are a few rough patches in your rhyme and rhythm that could be smoothed out a little.

*Flower4*Strong points

The ending is very powerful. Excellent work there.

*Flower4* Rating
   *Right*3.5*Left*

Keep writing,
Erin

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9
9
Review of The New Kitten  Open in new Window.
Review by Erin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Marty!


*Flower4* Overall Impression

Thank you for sharing the story of your new kitten with us, I found it quite amusing. "Ming" sounding like "mean" was especially cute, my brother did something similar when we got a dog years ago. The dog was named Lady, but my brother thought she was Katie so instead of trying to teach him the difference we changed the name to Katie.

*Flower4* Suggestions for improvement

This part is not punctuated properly. Taylor said "that she like that name too." Because you paraphrased what Taylor said (I'm assuming Taylor would have said "I like" not "that she like") you should not use quotation marks. The sentence should look like this: Taylor said that she liked that name too.

*Flower4* Rating
   *Right*4.5*Left*

Keep writing!
Erin

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10
10
Review of Hold the Pickle  Open in new Window.
Review by Erin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Salutations!


*Flower4* Overall Impression

You kept me laughing all the way through this piece. Excellent write!


*Flower4* Suggestions for improvement

None! It's perfect just as it is!

*Flower4* Rating
   *Right*5.0*Left*

   *Delight**Bigsmile**Laugh*

Keep writing!
Erin

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11
11
Review by Erin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I like the ideas of this poem and the truth of high school you are conveying. You've got some excellent imagery here, I like:
Your once melodious voice,
now warbles in my mind.


This piece seems a little rough in places though. Try reading this aloud and playing with the words to create a more coherent rhythm.

Write on!
Erin

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12
12
Review by Erin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Flower4* Overall Impression
.75 out of 1 point

There’s nothing like a good spitting contest every once in awhile. The story is great, but the ending seems a little abrupt, Mr. Young gives in much too easily. He should resist just a little at first to make it believable. I know he’s worried about losing his job, but he ought to have a few moments of disbelief before feeling completely defeated.

*Flower4* Spelling/Grammar
1 out of 1

No mistakes that I can find. *Bigsmile*

*Flower4* Language Use
1 out of 1

Your dialogue flows naturally, it doesn’t sound forced or strained.

I love your descriptions! My favorite is the opaque glob of spit. I also like that Ralph has a pocket protector.

*Flower4* Content
1 out of 1

Your story is very realistic. The characters are believable and consistent throughout.

*Flower4* Layout
.5 out of .5

A simple layout with double-spacing between the paragraphs makes a story so easy to read. J’adore!

*Flower4* All that glitters
.5 out of .5

Your descriptions of the actions and the realistic quality of Jack’s thoughts make this piece something special.

Your rating: 4.5

Remember that if you don’t like my suggestions, don’t use them, it is your writing to change as you wish. If you do make changes, I would be more than happy to come back and re-read/re-rate this item, just let me know. If you have any questions about how I review see "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

Erin
13
13
Review by Erin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Flower4* Overall Impression
1 out of 1 point

Being that I live in Backwoods Hickville, NY I totally appreciate this piece. Shakespeare with a hick spin is a hilarious thing (my freshman English class taught me that) and you have done an excellent job with it. Your translations are clever.

*Flower4* Spelling/Grammar
.5 out of 1

She is dressed in a muu muu of yellow with printed flowers all over it. Muumuu is actually one word, not two.

Roy is scraggly looking, his uncombed black hair and sprouting cowlick are accented by his wrinkled brown suit. The comma after looking should be either a semi-colon or a period.

. Several haybales are stacked up on the other side about ten or twelve feet high. I believe hay bales is two words.

She accidently slips on a cowpie and noisily ends up on her butt with her feet in the air.
1. accidently should be spelled accidentally.
2. cow pie is two words

*Flower4* Language Use
1 out of 1

Superb! This piece is all about language use. You chose creative ways to alter Shakespeare’s work to suit hicks.

*Flower4* Content
1 out of 1

Your content and intro ratings are perfect.

This piece is a little exaggerated, but it’s supposed to be. The characters are wonderfully stupid.

*Flower4* Layout
.5 out of .5

Excellent layout. The double-spacing and bold letters make it easy on the eyes. You need a space between these two lines though:
Romeo (looking very confused): My name? I can’t tell ya my name, cuz I hate it myself. It is an enemy to me?
Ms. Jones (becoming quite frustrated): My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words. Yet I know the sound: Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?


*Flower4* All that glitters
.5 out of .5
I smiled, I laughed, what more can I ask for in a comedy?

Your rating: 4.5

Remember that if you don’t like my suggestions, don’t use them, it is your writing to change as you wish. If you do make changes, I would be more than happy to come back and re-read/re-rate this item, just let me know. If you have any questions about how I review see
 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []
Last Modified: 11-21-24 @ 7:59pm
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Erin
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