Very funny, definitely made me smile. The typical rhyme scheme just fits with the topic of your poem so well. The last couplet, starting with "Serve with alcohol..." was absolutely perfect.
My advice would be to just rework some lines, because some of them - especially the second lines of a couplet - just came off as awkward or forced. And for my one nit-pick, add a comma between "frozen" and "set" in the fourth line.
Very, very cute. I got the idea that the couple was old, but the fact that he was eighty gave be a bit of a shock, lol. You really keep up the suspense, with the wife clearly conveying, at times humorously, her opinion of her husband's birthday activity.
At the end, I also felt the need to give the wife more credit. It's one thing to support sky diving if her husband is fifty or so, but to tell her eighty-year-old husband he can go jump off a plane really shows how much she supports him, and wants him to be happy.
My one suggestion would be to make the first line more exciting to grab the reader's attention, perhaps have the first line be the husband saying "I want to go sky diving."
Great, original idea - this is meant to describe the process of reincarnation, right? At the beginning, I honestly kept trying to guess what "there" was. Good job with keeping the reader interested.
You may want to introduce the "I" perspective earlier on, because at the end, jumping into first person POV seems awkward. There were also some grammar errors - might want to include a comma in the first sentence between "choice" and "you."
Also, in the first sentence of the second paragraph, I suggest you change "made it back" to "returned," just to avoid repeating the word "back" in the same sentence. Don't mind me, I'm nitpick-y that way, lol.
Cute concept, though you might want to put in the description that it's To Be Continued. It's interesting, and you write Brittany and Allie's friendship very well.
You start off slow, however. You throw in a huge description of what Allie looks like without giving the reader a chance to get into the story enough to be interested in such a description. And seeing as this is from Allie's POV, you can't describe foot prints she can't hear, can you? Try making her happen to take off the head phones and hear the footsteps, or even better, leave out the footsteps and just have Brittany scare her without any forewarning to the reader.
Very creative take on the prompt you put at the top. It made me smile when Jake mistook Purgatory for a ski town in Colorado. Cute detail about how the receptionist's hair kept changing, and good indication that this wasn't an ordinary bus stop. The only grammar error I spotted was when you put "he dozed off" when you already said he was sleeping - it might work better if you put something like "shrugging, he went back to sleep."
Interesting look at religions that aren't the majority. The story manages to keep the reader interested, and it's about a part of religion that people from other religions don't really think about. The main character definitely cares about what others will think about him not attending one party a little too much, but it just makes for a more intriguing read. The only problem with writing I spotted was that sometimes your sentences rambled on where there should've been a comma.
Aw, that was cute, made me smile. And I could definitely relate - my grandmother always makes either my cousins or my aunts do dirty work when they go to visit. It has that "tale" feel, since you put little detail for the days and there was no dialogue - it works. My only problem was that you should italicize any thoughts the main character has.
That actually made me laugh out loud, so incredibly funny. It actually sounds like a long joke, though it this case the punchline would definitely be worth it. The fact that you use mice just makes it more hilarious - picture three mice wasted is enough to make someone chuckle. Great job!
It was pretty good, and I happen to be a fan of "fairy tales with a twist" stories. But I don't know, to me, writing the story in first person just took away the typical fairy tale feel. I understand that you wanted to write a fairy tale different, but you might want to try writing it from a third person viewpoint to see if it flows better. And it's very depressing - not that that's bad, of course. But anyway, aside from the fact that I prefer third person POV, it was a very good and original story.
Incredibly creative. Interesting take on aliens and their culture. The way you presented it in lecture form was cute, though I suggest making a clearer distinction between lecture and story of the...creatures, whatever they were, lol.
However, it did leave me wondering what happens to the aliens when they do fall in the red spot (do they come out unharmed or...harmed?}. though I suppose that could have been intended. I'd also nix the last line if I were you, maybe just leave it that the Earth scientists were confused. Overall, though, great job!
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