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Review by Dankison Twirls Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi there
I have to say the ending is quite dramatic, I like that. I do feel that if your story can involve some more descriptive elements, to balance the actions and the description. It can level up your story and really envelope your reader with the atmosphere you want to give.
However, I do understand that you have a word limit, so those are just my personal opinions.You did really well with only 100 words.
As you said, the flow in some part is not really good, and I struggle with that myself too. I definitely fell that some part, for example around the 2 sentence and the 3 is a little bit stiff, as you just place the chunk of the sentence there and they don't really have a link between them. Maybe add like: As ferocious as hungry lions, his hand reaches...
Again, maybe it is just me(I don't want to seem mean and there is the word count. God I hate it).
Also another suggestion
Here:...debate my options, the certain...
Instead of a comma, maybe you can put
...debate my options: the certain...
It is clearer
Overall, it is not bad
l*Smile*
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