I like the flow of the words you choice but I had a hard time picturing anything. I wasn't able to envision a story. Your poem reads nicely and is very pleasing to the ears but I wasn't able to grasp more out of it.
I don't really have any suggestions; maybe I just missed this one. But it is nice and I did enjoy reading it. I just wished I could have gotten more out of it.
I enjoyed your poem so much I could hear music in the background as I read it! In other words, I think it could be a song. Of course that's just my opinion but I really do think it could be.
There was only one area I found didn't flow quite as well ... "So here I stand, again alone" to me it would flow better as "So here I stand alone again." I know alone rhymes with stone and I have a feeling that's why you wrote it that way but I still think it would be okay and flow better if you switch again and alone.
Nice. For some reason I imagine this as a love or love gone bad story for vampires. Maybe it's all the mention of blood but I that's what I see. I don't see them as the evil vampires but as another form of existence. They too feel, love and hurt. I know this is probably totally off from what you saw when you wrote this but that's what I saw when I read it.
Very powerful! Your poem speaks volumes and tells of a lesson few learn but all should strive to teach. Truly an inspiration as well as entertaining. Please keep writing and sharing as I look forward to reading more of your work.
Okay, this is getting creepy. This is the second poem I have read today that seems to have been written about it. I suppose I can take comfort in the fact that I am obviously not the only writer to have lived this life.
I enjoyed your poem and found it nice and well written.
Very nicely put together. I enjoyed reading your poem and look forward to reading more.
The summer you wrote about sounds very nice, unlike the last few summers I've lived through. I am from Louisiana and the several summers were unbearable and then last summer... Well I'm sure you've heard about that. This summer will be much different and my family and I should be able to enjoy summer again because we are now 2,000 miles away from the storms and heat!
Congratulations on writing such a great poem. Keep up the work.
You are a very gifted writer and I truly enjoyed your poem. It has style and grace and rings with an ageless truth.
Sadly if we live solely by our dreams, they often do become or doom. We must learn to never give up on our dreams yet realize in order to make our dreams come true we must learn to compromise and allow them to evolve or not only will they become our doom, our dreams will never come true!
Keep sharing and remember, never give up on your dreams but don't live your life solely to make them come true or they will become your downfall and keep you from all your dreams.
This poem hit home for me. That's pretty much how my daughter is. She was a Ninja Turtle for Halloween yet she has a boyfriend (even though they're only in kindergarten). She loves and collects Care Bears but will spend her allowance on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles stuff just as quickly.
Your poem flows very nicely. However, the grass is not "grey" everywhere and not all the air is toxic. Where I now live, the grass is "white" and will be for a little while longer. In the summer, it will be green but parts will probably be brown or have a brown tint to it. I used to live in Louisiana (before Katrina and Rita) and it was very green most of the year. There were certain areas of the cities where things were a little different but even at the plants the grass was still green and not grey at all. The air is much cleaner here in Wyoming but in Livingston Parish the biggest problem with the air was the humidity!
As you pointed out, you are a good writer. You don't have to decide your life now, if tends to happen as it is meant to anyways. Often times are trying to decide or pick which path to follow turns out wrong. Follow your heart and you will know where you are meant to be. Also, you can do more then one thing. You can be a teacher and a writer and change the world while you are at it by teaching your students and by your writings.
While I like your style, I too am wondering what is going on. At one point I thought it might be someone in a long race but then again ... maybe not. You peaked my curiosity because I am one of those people who have a need to know. I wish there were more to read, a background or a future so that I could find out. I think this has great potential but does need either a background or a future so readers can better understand. I think it would be a great "teaser" to draw a reader in, followed by background or put the future in front of it. I like the idea of time not flowing as it actually happens and I think this would be great for that.
Good work with the writing, just remember that sometimes as writers, we know and understand because it comes from us but the readers don't have that so we have to show them or tell them.
Nice flow. It reminds me of one that I wrote, but it's as good as yours. It is true battles between good and evil will always be until time ceases.
Mine was a metaphor of my best friend’s mid-life crises where she lost site of who she was. She has found herself again and the world seems right again but there for a while it wasn't.
Very true for ALL writers! I once read that very few writers are recognized for their worth while they are still alive. Very few attain fortune or fame until after they are dead. I also read that most great writers are very sad, depressed people. I wish it weren’t true but for the most part from my experience and that of the many writers I know it is.
There's a song by Poison which says "To write sad songs and feel all the pain..." As writers we are feelers and we write to relieve some of that in which we feel.
True and very well put together. And you are correct; there are not many books out there on being an aunt or an uncle. Solution ... WRITE ONE!!! Then there void you have mentioned will have been filled, at least to a degree and you will be a published author and will have done a service to other aunts and uncles out there who are in look for reading material on the subject.
Very funny! You have a gift many (myself included) can only dream of. I seem to not have a funny bone in my body when it comes to writing or quite a few things in life. I hope you realize how fortunate you are to have this gift. Keep up the good work.
Very nice. Simple and ageless. Your poem will be as true in the years to come as it is today and was yesterday. Good use of words as well. You didn't try to write it more complicated then needed, yet you said everything that needed to be said. Good job.
Very nice, I remember when I had to write these and I must admit I was never very good accept once when I wrote about my cousin who is in a wheel chair. I don't remember the technical name as that was a very long time ago but I do remember the style.
Very dark and depressing but I can relate. I'm not sure how old you are but I would venture to say you are still young. I relate because I remember times when growing up, that's how I felt. In fact, I think that's how all teenagers feel at some point.
It has been my experience that will get better even though I know there are times it doesn't seem that way. Keep writing and use that as your outlet.
Your poem reminds me of when I was younger and what I wrote. When I was in middle school and high school, I wrote a lot of poems similar to this. You have a good style. I don't know how old you are but I know that my life has changed and so has my writing so I don't write poems that read like this any more. My life was much simpler then and my poems flowed much easier as well. It was simple, you liked someone but you didn’t have the guts to tell them because you didn't know if they would like you back or not.
Thanks for bringing back a lot of memories. I truly enjoyed reading your poem.
Tammatha
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