very well done. Your empathy for the good guy is commendable even more so because it sounded as if life just never gave the guy a chance. well done. good use of spanning the years to show the guy never gave up in spite of overwhelming odds. sad but not sappy.
a really good job. not too much information in the beginning, but almost. There were a couple of phases in the middle that broke the story line. again only for a moment. I say this alot. You could have been just a little bit harder on your baby with the edit pen, I guess we all could. nice tension. good pace. a couple of changes in tense not enough to spoil the tale. ended well at least from the readers point of view. all this is just my opinion. keep writing.
ok for me this one fell flat. maybe because I knew it would be a vampire story I expected some more. the dialogue was well written but it was not enough to keep the story moving. The transformation scene was a bit non descript. not much struggle involved with the conclusion. sorry but, for me this one does not make the cut. just my opinion better luck next time.
a heartwarming story. nice evolution from beginning incident to the escalating concern for the dog. the story does well for being in a small package. A moment in time when kindness prevails and people come together. it makes me nostalgic for a time when things where simpler.
I liked it. the preface told me enough to make curious about were the story would go. the description of the dream kept me engaged in the tour you provided. the attack is both inevitable and expected. I like the encounter older guardian couple. The decline of the main character could have used a twist. Just my opinion good work and keep on writing.
very well done. the set up seemed a little long until I read further on. the character Farrington was well established using minimal explanation leaving my imagination to fill in the details. Good job. the end was a slightly unexpected but well done I guess the madman had to be stopped to save the world. Nice flow. Beginning, middle and end well defined. I hope you won with this entry.
good work. this with a good set up having the folks showing up on the front steps so to speak. Nice description of the various characters. the tension built at a good pace and the stress of the desk guy may have been a bit underrated. nice job having the main character save the day. all in a good story mostly because it sounds as if it could be true. PS. thanks for the tip about changing screen print size.
I would love to review your piece, but the font is too small for my old eyes. can you increase the size or is there a way for me to. please let me know.
ok first please make your font larger and add some space between lines, because as it is it is too hard to read. next the story needs either a few less words or many more to complete the set up. you seem to be moving the story in more than one direction a little too much to grasp as a reader without knowing why we the reader should care about these people. good start just needs some work. just my opinion keep on writing.
first thank you for making the letters larger. I liked the character building along with his movement. the running helped develop a sense of time passing. the story developed well. The door was a bit inevitable after the key discovery so not totally unexpected. the end twist was nicely finish off with the clockwork in his head stopping. good job. You could be a little more ruthless with the edit pen. you could lose about 100 words and make it pop. keep writing.
well done. the descriptions of the food and setting are great the story arc sad but again well done. the characters are well formed for such a very short piece. the end thou sad again brings a solid believable conclusion. I would have given you 5 stars, but... there is a spot in the middle of the piece I cannot figure out. keep on writing.
ok you have the beginnings of a cool description, but you left a big piece of info out of the picture. why should I, or anyone care about these characters they know nothing about. I can not figure out what your trying to say. try again. just my opinion but I don't see a story here at all. don't give up just try again
outstanding. always good to hear a success story. you have 1 under your belt now so to speak. the butterflies should be easier to manage now. best of luck on your next installment.
ok first changing the spacing helped a lot. I can see you are getting the ideas down for a solid story. As it stands it is a little wordy. by that I mean you can get the old edit pencil out and look for a couple of things; first watch for changes in past and present tense. Next be ruthless and get rid of any words that don't move the story forward. Finally try and show a smooth transition from one scene to the next. Most important to remember this only my opinion keep on writing. you got this.
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