I really really like this. The concept of these super-evolved beings taking over human bodies sets it up brilliantly and the opening few paragraphs would perhaps make a great prologue. I want to know more, much more. I want to know what happens, who the characters are both human and Aki and to expereicen in much more detail the chnages that take place as you have summarised. It's inmteresting that you mention expanding this as I think this in some ways is like a summary of a novel which is crying out to be written. I want to read that novel.
Brilliant idea and I love the little fourishes that you've added, such as explaining the unconscious mind as part of the inner-Aki.
One marginal criticism - on a couple of occasions the level of detail seemed a bit over the top and it felt like it got in the way of things moving forward.
I really love this. Not much of fan of westerns, or so I thought, but it drew me in from the start and had a real authentic feel to it. At no point did I want to skim read or rush through as it felt very 'lean' and excellently paced.
What further enhanced it for me was the telling of the tale from two completely differing viewpoints. I also liked the way you ended it - it felt right. Looking forward to reading more of your portfolio.
I like the revenge angle. I wonder if it would have been better not to reveal at the end 'I wonder if it would have been better if I had left him dead...' but instead leave it to the reader to work it out. Keep up the good work
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