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Madame Lunacy!

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#1339216

Review of Dark Options

Review by Madame Lunacy!

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

This is a very intriguing story! Suspense and wonder, I really like how she had that "third option" that made her death a quick one.

My suggestion for making this story even better is a simple one. You need to cut out the padded words. Like "seem" and "really". In a creepy story such as this to be very firm is better. For example...

The air was cold and damp, and she was lying on what felt like a soft bed. <-- The air was cold and damp, and she was lying on a soft cushion. (She would know just by lying on it if it was soft, and obviously she would know this very feeling it. So there's no need for "what felt like" in there)

There seemed to be walls inches away from her on each side. <-- There were walls inches away from her on each side. (I know you're trying to say that she doesn't know if they are /walls/ but it sounds more like she isn't sure if there was really anything there, which there is, of course.)

Leanne was beginning to feel a bit claustrophobic, <-- Leanna could feel the itch of claustrophobia taking over her, (Was she or wasn't she feeling the claustrophobia? And why just a 'bit'? Then you can't just leave it as "Leanne felt claustophobic" so I added in some direct feeling as well.)

It appeared that she was in some kind of box. <-- She was in some kind of box. (She knows it know, there's no need for the appear. Or, for just a touch of energy, you can do this..."Realization dawned. She was in some kind of box.")

These are all just some suggestions. Hopefully they will be of some help to you! All in all, I really liked the story! Thank you for sharing it with me!

-Madame Lunacy

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