Hi tangerinedream, I’m happy mommy and this is your half of Heart 1, won in "Invalid Item" , as gifted by . This is Review 2 of 5. Please remember my comments are solely my opinions and should not be construed as my opinion of you as a writer. I hope you find something useful in my reviews.
This was a very emotional piece. I enjoyed how you decided to keep on being you, regardless of how people feel. You are right that love is the answer. I agree with that too. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings or other problem areas. The piece had a good voice and tone. I think the overall piece was pretty good.
Thanks for allowing me to read your work. Keep up the good work.
Hi tangerinedream, I’m happy mommy and this is your half of Heart 1, won in "Invalid Item" , as gifted by . This is Review 1 of 5. Please remember my comments are solely my opinions and should not be construed as my opinion of you as a writer. I hope you find something useful in my reviews.
This was an interesting story. I like the ending, where you left it up to the reader to decide if she survived or not. Very good story, easy to follow and great descriptions. I had no trouble picturing any of the scenes. The story flowed in a logical and interesting manner and it was
Thanks for allowing me to read your work. Keep up the good work.
Great job with this story. I liked how you did the initals. PU. That is just too original. I can see why your piece was tied at first place with mine. You have a knack for good story telling. I could easily picture the scenes and I loved Gramma. Nice work.
Hi, I'm reading this to get a feel for my new assignment with Sunrise class. This is a good piece and a great story. I did notice some errors, which I have listed below. Please remember that these are just my opinions and I do not expect you to use them if you do not agree with them. They are in no way a reflection of your skill as a writer. Thanks for letting me read your work.
Corrections
She appeared to be in her sixty'ssixties with perfectly coifed gray curls
Although, No need to have this comma after although at first she looked a bit unapproachable,
Everyday. Two words
desitinationSpelled wrong. It's destination, a card shop where Aunt Fanny wanted to stop to buy a variety of greeting
funny as I passed through,This comma should actually be a period "Are you
I slowed downcomma but did not stopcomma because I knew if I did I probably would not be able to get started again
Hi, I picked this piece to read as a how-to for my new assignment with Sunrise. I found it interesting, but I did notice one or two things I'd like to point out. Please be aware that htese are just my opinions and in no way reflect your capabilities as a writer. Thanks for allowing me to read your work.
Corrections
I expressed my pleasure with the meal and said it was prepared to perfection I believe this would be missing a word. I have placed it in blue for you to see.
I missed that moment of excitement to visit Arizona (my heart home),periodEveneven if we’d gone as companions and split the cost of everythingperiod I still wanted to share the experience with someone I really cared about. This seems awfully long to be one sentence. I think it would be beneficial to add a period where I have marked, and then let it become a paragraph.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review in return for the one you've done for me. Please remember any comments or suggestions are merely my opinion and in no way reflect you as a writer, but myself as an editor.
This is a great story. If only things were this simple, the world would be such a better place. I'd love to see things like this really happen but I'm aware that it never will. As long as greed and selfishness abound, bad things will keep happening. Thanks for sharing this hopeful piece. I had no trouble visualizing each scene or sympathizing with the character. The words flowed well and you tied up the loose ends nicely. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Thanks for sharing. Have a great day and keep up the good work.
This is so sad. I could not imagine going through something like this. For you to be able to share it with perfect strangers must be odd but I'm glad you do. It reminds me to be grateful for the time I have with my parents and to be more understanding of people with issues they don't like to talk about. This was a moving emotional piece that flowed well and had a great rhyme. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words.
This is another great poem. I like how you incorporate your personal experiences into your writing. You show that you feel bad for what happened but you're trying to realize it's not your fault. You couldn't know what would happen and you shouldn't be to blame. You have a right to be angry, sad, lost, confused and who knows what else. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Each line flowed perfectly and workked great.
This is a great piece, showing how you gave up and lost faith. You thought it was over, yet you ended up as something different. The descriptions, thoughts, emotions and rhyming are all great. I have no issues with any of the lines. Each one flows smoothly and there are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Keep up the good work.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of The Talent Pond. This is such a sad emotional piece. I feel so bad for what you have went through. I could not imagine being able to go on after something like this. I hope you find that writing is theraputic to your sorrows and one day you can forgive the actions your father has taken. This piece easily conveys the difficulties you went through and both sides of the situation. You did what you thought was best, as would any of us. Thank you for sharing this amazing piece.
Interesting poem. You didn't use any sort of rhyming pattern but it didn't weaken the writing any. I like the passages you used to show us how lost you are without your lover. I could feel the character's desperation, loneliness, sadness and regret for leaving. Well done. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. I feel that you selected your words with care to make the poem flow correctly. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
This is a great poem, that flows well and have a consistent story line to it. The rhyming is beliveable although you did use an odd form of pattern. In stanza one, you used AABB, in stanza two, you used ABCB and in stanza three, you used AABBCC. I don't know if this might just be a form I'm not familiar with or if you weren't trying to stick to a particular form. Usually when a person writes poetry, they remain consistent with their rhyming pattern throughout the entire poem. I enjoyed the emotions, the thoughts, regret, and word choices you used. Well done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package purchase in "Invalid Item" This is 4 of 5. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Great idea for a story! I'd love to read more.
THOUGHTS: I think this is a wonderful idea for a story and it would be an excellent book, that a lot of people woudl find interesting. If you ever write more, please let me know.
ERRORS: There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words.
FAVORITE PART: I like how you hint at the girl's rebellion. If you have her speaking out, it would be awesome. Then, if you're interested in having a romance book, have her fall in love with a fellow resistance person.
SUGGESTIONS: Write more! lol. I have no suggestions for changes or improvements. I would like to see you do more with this great story idea though.
RATING: I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
Hi I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package purchase in "Invalid Item" . This is 2 of 5. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Great work with using only dialogue. I easily followed along with the story.
THOUGHTS: How painful for both of them to go through with that. I don't know who to sympathize with. The man who's been cheated on but still wants to be with his wife, or the woman who doesn't feel good enough and wants out of a relationship she's not happy in, thus hurting the man she once loved.
ERRORS: There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Well done.
SUGGESTIONS: I have no suggestions for changes or improvements.
RATING: I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
Hi I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package purchase in "Invalid Item" . This is 1 of 5. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
THOUGHTS: Great story. I loved how you gave that surprising ending.
ERRORS: There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words.
FAVORITE PART: I enjoy how the man seemed to still have a slight memory of the woman, despite that he wasn't supposed to.
SUGGESTIONS: I have no suggestions for changes or improvements. Well done.
RATING: I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
Thanks for sharing and have a great day. Keep up the good work.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package purchase from "Invalid Item" . This is 10 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Title
What is the relationship of the title to the poem? Is it connected in meaning in some way? Does it provide the setting or context for the poem? If there is no title, what might be a good title and why? Or what might be a better title and why? The title and introduction to your poem work very well. It gives the reader a great idea of what your poem will be about.
Persona
Who is the speaker of the poem? To whom is s/he speaking? What is his/her message? The speaker is the writer. She's speaking to an unknown aged person. Her message is that the lines you get from aging aren't necessarily a bad thing.
Diction
Which words, in particular, are most effective in the poem? Why? What does a particular word make you think of? If words are not effective, how are they not effective and what are some alternative choices the poet could consider that would strengthen the meaning of the poem? I like the format you used and how that one line repeats throughout the poem. Very well done.
Imagery
How effective are the images in the poem? What senses does the poet appeal to? Do any of the images evoke emotional responses in the reader? If so, what is the effect? The imagery used is great. I can clearly picture a person, ranging from young grandchildren to older, happily married couple, doing the actions you describe.
Rhythm
How effective is the meter or syllable pattern if used? Is it done to reinforce meaning? Is it regulated well or is it awkwardly forced? What improvements can be made? I think the rhythm of the poem is perfect. This is a new format for me but it's very effective with the context.
Rhyme Scheme
If a rhyme scheme is used, is it regular? Does the poet employ slant rhymes or approximate rhymes? Does the rhyme enhance the meaning of the poem or detract from it? Why? Great rhyming scheme. No issues here.
There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Well done. There's nothing I'd suggest changing or improving. Keep up the good work and thanks for letting me invade your port. I hope you have enjoyed getting this port raid as much as I have enjoyed giving it. Have a great weekend.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package purchase in "Invalid Item" This is 9 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Title
What is the relationship of the title to the poem? Is it connected in meaning in some way? Does it provide the setting or context for the poem? If there is no title, what might be a good title and why? Or what might be a better title and why? The title works very well. It hints at the topic of the poem and intrigues the reader.
Diction
Which words, in particular, are most effective in the poem? Why? What does a particular word make you think of? If words are not effective, how are they not effective and what are some alternative choices the poet could consider that would strengthen the meaning of the poem? Wounded and battered, proud wield they frayed tassels;
Withered hands flail as they fight, though but dreaming. I feel these are the strongest lines to me. The entire poem is great but these two lines really made an impact on me.
Imagery
How effective are the images in the poem? What senses does the poet appeal to? Do any of the images evoke emotional responses in the reader? If so, what is the effect? You do a good job of setting the scenery and imagery with well placed words, actions, descriptions, and good insight.
Rhythm
How effective is the meter or syllable pattern if used? Is it done to reinforce meaning? Is it regulated well or is it awkwardly forced? What improvements can be made? The poem flows well and remains consistent. The words are well placed to flow seamlessly.
Rhyme Scheme
If a rhyme scheme is used, is it regular? Does the poet employ slant rhymes or approximate rhymes? Does the rhyme enhance the meaning of the poem or detract from it? Why? The rhyme scheme works well. I have no issues with it. You remain consistent in your chosen format and do not deviate from the pattern.
Structure
Consider the overall structure of the poem: the stanza form, line breaks, punctuation, etc. Does the structure seem artfully made or is it just what happened and lacks consideration of purpose? The structure of the poem is effective in making for a great read. Your words choices are strong and impact the reader with its strength and powerful organization.
There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. There's nothing I'd suggest changing or improving, besides that I'd have liked to see which prompts you had to incorporate into your poem. Thanks for sharing this great piece and have a wonderful day. Keep up the good work.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package purchase from "Invalid Item" This is 8 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Diction
Which words, in particular, are most effective in the poem? Why? What does a particular word make you think of? If words are not effective, how are they not effective and what are some alternative choices the poet could consider that would strengthen the meaning of the poem? The entirety of the poem works very well. You use great phrases to make a good read.
Imagery
How effective are the images in the poem? What senses does the poet appeal to? Do any of the images evoke emotional responses in the reader? If so, what is the effect? I love the imagery you used. I could see everything clearly, not so much in the physical descriptions but more the emotional and spiritual type.
Rhythm
How effective is the meter or syllable pattern if used? Is it done to reinforce meaning? Is it regulated well or is it awkwardly forced? What improvements can be made? You kept a consistent rhythm, which works very well with your words. I appreciate how you include the description of the format used and how you only used seven syllables in each line.
Rhyme Scheme
If a rhyme scheme is used, is it regular? Does the poet employ slant rhymes or approximate rhymes? Does the rhyme enhance the meaning of the poem or detract from it? Why? You also keep a consistent rhyme. It works very well. I enjoyed how you used the rhyming at both the beginning and the ending. Very creative and different.
Structure
Consider the overall structure of the poem: the stanza form, line breaks, punctuation, etc. Does the structure seem artfully made or is it just what happened and lacks consideration of purpose? The overall structure is great. I truly enjoyed this introduction to a new format. It works very well and makes the chosen words stand out even more.
There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. There's nothing I'd suggest changing or improving. Well done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package purchase in "Invalid Item" This is 6 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This is a very short poem, and I've read most of the ones in your portfolio that are this short but I didn't feel right using those as your packages so I didn't comment on them. However, this one really caught my eye and I felt I needed to express my delight and enjoyment at having read it. You do a great job in such a short amount of time of giving a lot of details. We are aware of the subject, personal appearance, time of day, action, and thoughts. I had no trouble visualizing this scene perfectly. Great work. There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. There's nothing I'd suggest changing or improving. Well done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to honor your purchased bid from "Invalid Item" This is 5 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Diction
Which words, in particular, are most effective in the poem? Why? What does a particular word make you think of? If words are not effective, how are they not effective and what are some alternative choices the poet could consider that would strengthen the meaning of the poem? All the words as a whole make a great read. You keep a consistent topic choice and use a very effective poem format.
Imagery
How effective are the images in the poem? What senses does the poet appeal to? Do any of the images evoke emotional responses in the reader? If so, what is the effect? You use good comparisons and action to allow the reader to understand and visualize your story. Well done.
Rhythm
How effective is the meter or syllable pattern if used? Is it done to reinforce meaning? Is it regulated well or is it awkwardly forced? What improvements can be made? Your poem has a consistent rhythm that is pleasing to the eye and to the mind. I enjoy the format you used. It's a new one to me and I appreciate you including the description at the bottom, informing the reader of your choice.
Rhyme Scheme
If a rhyme scheme is used, is it regular? Does the poet employ slant rhymes or approximate rhymes? Does the rhyme enhance the meaning of the poem or detract from it? Why? Your rhyming remains consistent and adheres to the layout of the chosen format.
Structure
Consider the overall structure of the poem: the stanza form, line breaks, punctuation, etc. Does the structure seem artfully made or is it just what happened and lackd consideration of purpose? I think you used careful consideration when doing word selection. Each line flows seamlessly into the next without any awkward pauses or forced rhyming. Well done.
Theme
How important is the theme? Does it illustrate a universal truth? What idea is the poet sharing with the reader? The theme is that of Wiccan beliefs, something not everyone is familiar with. As such, the writer includes a few lines of definitions for those people on Wiccan terms, which I also appreciated. I'm aware of the Wiccan religion although I'm not totally familiar with the beliefs and terms.
There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. There's nothing I'd suggest changing or improving. Well done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I found this review at the bottom of a newsletter. The title caught my attention and I just had to read. This was a great story. I loved seeing how intelligent your grandson is. I have also been a single mom before I met my current husband, so I know what it's like to struggle. And the biological father doesn't help out either. He expects to see the kids but not provide money for them. Maybe we should let a child like your grandson run the country for a while. Maybe then, we'd get a few things done right. I'm impressed to hear the way your daughter has raised her son. You must have done a fabulous job of raising her first. Thanks for sharing this sweet, eye opening and touching piece with me. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Well done. Keep up the good work and have a great day.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I found this piece at the bottom of a newsletter. This was a great story, very creative factual. You pinpointed the way both genders think and the real meanings behind their words. Well done. You did a good job of fitting in the translations, giving an easy to understand explanation of what the technology does and balancing that with what was happening. I had no trouble following along and enjoying their awkward date. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Well done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I found this piece at the bottom of a newsletter. This was a very amusing poem and very informative. I found your inclusion of the formats much more helpful than most articles I've read about poetry forms. Thank you for adding those explanations. I like how you use a variety of poem types to show a woman's bad luck in relationships. Her sister sure is a taunting heifer isn't she? Your title and introduction fit very well into the subject of your story. My favorite one is Acrostic between a Donkey and a Snake. Very cute. Thank you for sharing. I needed this great laugh. There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Well done. There's nothing I'd suggest changing or improving. Keep up the good work and have a great day.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package purchase in "Invalid Item" This is 2 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Title
What is the relationship of the title to the poem? Is it connected in meaning in some way? Does it provide the setting or context for the poem? If there is no title, what might be a good title and why? Or what might be a better title and why? The title works well to give the reader a hint of what's to come.
Diction
Which words, in particular, are most effective in the poem? Why? What does a particular word make you think of? If words are not effective, how are they not effective and what are some alternative choices the poet could consider that would strengthen the meaning of the poem? I think the poem as a whole is very effective. You use great word selections to create a vivid poem.
Imagery
How effective are the images in the poem? What senses does the poet appeal to? Do any of the images evoke emotional responses in the reader? If so, what is the effect? The imagery is amazing. I have no trouble visualizing each scene and following along. I was captivated by the words and the world you presented.
Rhythm
How effective is the meter or syllable pattern if used? Is it done to reinforce meaning? Is it regulated well or is it awkwardly forced? What improvements can be made? You do a great job of sticking to the poetic format you chose. It was different for me to read and I thought it was very interesting.
Rhyme Scheme
If a rhyme scheme is used, is it regular? Does the poet employ slant rhymes or approximate rhymes? Does the rhyme enhance the meaning of the poem or detract from it? Why? The rhyme scheme works very well and it enhances the overall effectiveness of the piece.
Structure
Consider the overall structure of the poem: the stanza form, line breaks, punctuation, etc. Does the structure seem artfully made or is it just what happened and lacks consideration of purpose? The overall structure is exactly as it should be in reference to the given format.
This was a great poem. I appreciate you including a description of the form used although to be honest, I have no idea what it said. I'm not that familiar with poetry definitions yet but this was very helpful in providing a new type to learn and attempt. Thank you for sharing. Have a great day and keep up the good work.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to honor your purchased bid from "Invalid Item" This is 1 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This is a great poem, written very well with the required prompt. I appreciate how you include an explanation of the format used. I like how you use the specific word choices to fit in with your title. The words are dark, angry, unhappy. Well done. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used information or repetitions of words. You stuck consistently with the poem format. Well done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Happy Writing,
Sara
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FIRST IMPRESSION: 
THOUGHTS: 
ERRORS: 
FAVORITE PART: 
SUGGESTIONS: 
for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.