Hi Wyn - missing III I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid of 10 poetry reviews to honor your package won in "Invalid Item" This is Review 1 of 10 I'm so glad you chose my package and look forward to reading your work. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Title
What is the relationship of the title to the poem? Is it connected in meaning in some way? Does it provide the setting or context for the poem? If there is no title, what might be a good title and why? Or what might be a better title and why? I think the title you selected works very well to sum up your poem. You give us the reasons why you don't want to be with the man and then we know, you are better off without him. I think when readers see a title like this, they might be interested in reading to see why you don't need him anymore.
Persona
Who is the speaker of the poem? To whom is s/he speaking? What is his/her message? The speaker of the poem is the writer. She is talking to her husband/boyfriend and her message is that she's taken all she can take. It's time for her to be strong and move on, without him.
Diction
Which words, in particular, are most effective in the poem? Why? What does a particular word make you think of? If words are not effective, how are they not effective and what are some alternative choices the poet could consider that would strengthen the meaning of the poem? I think if you take out the repetition I have marked below, the poem would be stronger. It already flows nicely. I can not select just one set of words that works best. They all give a great impression of a woman fed up. She starts out slowly, describing her thoughts, then as she progresses, her anger comes out more and she becomes demanding and strong.
Imagery
How effective are the images in the poem? What senses does the poet appeal to? Do any of the images evoke emotional responses in the reader? If so, what is the effect? There are no imagery used but it does not affect the poem. This is all about the struggle a woman makes to get away from her life and start new, without the man who's bringing her down. This poem elicits sympathy for the woman's situation, pride and happiness that she has found the courage to do something so difficult as to leave someone she's been with for a while.
Rhythm
How effective is the meter or syllable pattern if used? Is it done to reinforce meaning? Is it regulated well or is it awkwardly forced? What improvements can be made? The rhythm of this poem is very good. It flows well, with a consistent rhyme that does not falter. The lines do not feel forced and the writer has used creativity in her rhyming selections
Rhyme Scheme
If a rhyme scheme is used, is it regular? Does the poet employ slant rhymes or approximate rhymes? Does the rhyme enhance the meaning of the poem or detract from it? Why? The rhyme adds to the poem's emotionalism. It's a consistent AbAb pattern right through to the end.
Structure
Consider the overall structure of the poem: the stanza form, line breaks, punctuation, etc. Does the structure seem artfully made or is it just what happened and lack consideration of purpose? The overall structure of the poem is very good. It breaks in appropriate sections and does not sound odd or forced.
Theme
How important is the theme? Does it illustrate a universal truth? What idea is the poet sharing with the reader? The theme is a woman wronged finally getting the guts to get away from the man pulling her down. It's a situation I have personally went through, as I'm sure many people have. I felt like she read my mind and had a camera in my home when I went through this situation. She summed up every single thing I went through. I'm very impressed.
I rate this a 4.5 for poem structure and entertainment combined. The two lines below are the reason I deducted half a point. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Happy Writing,
Sara
Line Edits:
I didn't believe what they said about you.
I refused to hear what they said. These two lines have a repetition of the word 'said'. It stands out a bit, in my eyes anyhow.
Hi Ryan Graham I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Nice poem. You kept a consistent rhyme and this had a good rhythm. You used some creative choices for your rhyming words and nothing felt forced. The words flowed smoothly and ended on a good note. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas.
I rate this a 4.5, for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Hi sojourner I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I enjoyed this story about a man who's lost his faith in having a good, happy life, because he was jilted at the alter by the woman his parents arranged for him to marry. He finally agrees to attend a brothel with a guy from work only to run into his missing bride as she works as a hooker. He makes a phone call to save her and realizes he's ready to move on with his life and be happy again.
Although your plot line is really good, you had some issues with run-on and unstructured sentences, past/present verb tense shifts, and grammatical errors. You need to have someone take the time to do a line by line edit. This will help you figure out what you need to work on. I personally offer such a service, for a small fee. The link is here if you'd like to check it out. "Invalid Item"
Hope you find these helpful. I rate this a 3.5, for story structure and entertainment combined. I rate it so low because you had a lot of technical issues. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Keep up the hard work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Hi Cathryn Anne Northam I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I enjoyed this poem about a sister and brother going to get their mother's ashes to go bury next to her husband. You had some of the lines rhyming and those worked very good. Nicely done. You did misspell the word 'cemetery' There's no 'a' in the word. The ending was interesting. The brother seemed to react differently to his mother's death than the sister. I guess everyone deals with grief differently. There are no grammatical errors, typos, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas.
I rate this a 4, for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Hi percy goodfellow I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I enjoyed this poem. It's very cute. The rhyme and rhythm combine very well for a humorously written piece. This poem flowed nicely and progressed to a wonderful ending. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas.
I rate this a 4.5, for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Hi Meiraaa I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I enjoyed this short poem. You do a good job of trying to motivate others to know that everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect at everything. Your descriptions and emotions are good. Your new found self belief is evident in your words. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas. The piece progressed nicely, flowed well and had a wonderfully satisfying ending.
I rate this a 4, for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Hi Sairyn Raine I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I loved this piece. I'm a mother too, only my two children are now 4 and 3. One boy and one girl. I miss the days when they were younger but they are a lot of fun now. So independent. They barely need me for anything anymore. I could not imagine having to work and leave my children with a daycare. I think it takes a strong woman to be able to do that. Nice work with this. You show your love for your daughter with every word. The actions, dialogue, descriptions and emotions all worked very well. Good job.
There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas.I rate this a 4.5, for story structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Hi RedButterfly I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Very great work! I loved this poem. The poem flowed well, and progressed very well to a satisfactory ending. There is a very good amount of emotion in this piece and it has some rhyming lines that are excellent. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas.
I rate this a 5, for for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Hi Cassidy I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I enjoyed this poem about a woman waiting, waiting through the seasons for 'him' to come back home. Very good descriptions. You used the scenes well and it combined together to make a very enjoyable piece. The rhythm worked well, flowed nicely and progressed to a wonderful ending. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas.
I rate this a 4.5, for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Hello, Joy I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review for Simply Positive. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I enjoyed this poem. I can feel your passion for reading. The lines worked very well. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas. My favorite verse is, "I'm happy to live the life of a pack-rat." You show that reading is who you are, what you do and you will continue to do that, no matter how you have to go about getting the material. Great work.
I rate this a 4, for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
~~~This review is brought to you by Chatterbox Review Central Group.~~~
Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This is for Chapter 2 only.
PLOT -
Did it make sense? Did the chapter flow or was it choppy? Did anything stand out that needs clarification? Point out anything you feel necessary. Maruk is an Untouchable who's trying to group the others together so they will be stronger and capable of doing something more with life than just trying to survive. The meeting is broken up by a small group of gifted comes and starts killing everyone. Maruk tries to get the group to move toward the trees.
SETTING -
Could you picture the scene in your mind? Could you taste, touch and feel with the characters? What would you suggest to enhance the scene and make it come alive? I'd like to see more about the surroundings. What season is it? What temperature? What time of day? Is it a clearing? Is the stage really a stage or just a makeshift stage?
CHARACTERS -
Were they believable? What didn't you like, or did you like about them that stood out? Maruk seems like a strong Untouchable. He wants to unite everyone so that they can actually live life instead of struggling to stay alive. When the group is attacked, he tries to get the group to move towards the trees.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
Point out anything you notice. Was the dialogue believable? In tune with each character? There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas. Good job.
MY POV -
An overall opinion of what you've read.For book chapters - Would you read more of this story? Why or why not? I enjoyed this chapter too. I enjoyed seeing a strong Untouchable, who's tired of being hunted and wants to help others. I felt sympathy for their situation and anger that they are treated so harshly just because they do not have powers. Nicely done.
I rate this a 4, for story structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
~~~This review is brought to you by Chatterbox Review Central Group.~~~
This is for Chapter One only. Chapter Two will be a separate review.
Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
PLOT -
Did it make sense? Did the chapter flow or was it choppy? Did anything stand out that needs clarification? Point out anything you feel necessary. A young girl refuses to take the Competence Exam, much to the dismay of her classmates. She will become an Untouchable. Very interesting idea. The part about her cousin did confuse me a bit.
SETTING -
Could you picture the scene in your mind? Could you taste, touch and feel with the characters? What would you suggest to enhance the scene and make it come alive? I'd like to see more about the scenes, the smells, the characters around her. Are there double beds in her room? And what about the faces of the children her uncle hunted? Are they pictures, spirits, heads hanging on the wall as trophies? Be a bit more specific here.
CHARACTERS -
Were they believable? What didn't you like, or did you like about them that stood out? Tanei is a girl who refuses to do like the rest of the class. I do not know if she has powers that she refuses to use or if she just doesn't have any. Why is she so rebelling about the test?
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
Point out anything you notice. Was the dialogue believable? In tune with each character? No issues.
MY POV -
An overall opinion of what you've read. For book chapters - Would you read more of this story? Why or why not? I will be reading more of this book to find out more about this unique world. Good job with it.
There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas. I rate this a 4, for story structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
I'm playing in the WATER BALLOON RELAY with THE TALENT POND!
Hi, croaton I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Talent Pond. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This story was very good. I do feel that you might have repeated the word 'fish' a bit too much in the beginning and you need to exclude the phrase 'I replied' from the quotations marks at the end but everything else worked great. The details were wonderful and I could sense your excitement as you got to with your father. Fishing is very fun and I could not imagine a little boy hooking such a big fish! I bet you were so thrilled. Nicely done with this. The story flowed well, progressed at a smooth rate and ended on a wonderful note.
I rate this a 4.5, for story structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
I'm playing in the WATER BALLOON RELAY with THE TALENT POND!
Hello Drew92 I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Talent Pond. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
You did a very good job with this poem. I'm not familiar with the form you used so I will not comment on that. You used enough words to make the fear and panic come alive for the reader. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas.
I rate this a 4.5, for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Hello Fyn I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package purchase in "Invalid Item" This is Review 10 of 10 poetry/short story reviews. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Very good job using another person's item titles to create a very good poem that makes a lot of sense. I enjoyed reading this piece about a woman who's new love helps her escape the past. Nice job. There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas. Great work. There's nothing I would suggest changing or improving.
I rate this a 4.5 for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. I hope you have enjoyed my port raid as much as I've enjoyed doing it. Keep up the good work. Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to delve into your work. Have a wonderful day.
Hello Fyn I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package purchase in "Invalid Item" This is Review 9 of 10 poetry/short story Reviews. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This piece has brought to light a very serious matter I'm sure most of us completely overlook. Children can be very cruel and they are very creative in their method of bashing each other. I hope that others find this piece as informative and disturbing as I have and seek out ways to avoid having this happen to their loved ones or by them. Good work with that. I found no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas. Good job. There is nothing I would suggest changing or that needs improving. Nicely done.
I rate this a 4.5, for story structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Hello Fyn I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package purchase from "Invalid Item" This is Review 8 of 10 poetry/short story reviews. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I enjoyed this story about a storyteller who tells people of our times. I could not imagine seeing mankind digress to such primal standards. You do a wonderful job of using real events and objects in your story of the future. I loved how you created your own words to go along with the time. This story was very easy to follow. It flowed well, progressed nicely and ended wonderfully. I especially like the slyness of the story teller's actions. Very smart thinking. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving with this piece. Great work.
I rate this a 5, for perfection. There is nothing I think you need to fix or change. Keep up the great work. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day.
I'm playing in the WATER BALLOON RELAY with THE TALENT POND!
Hi ShiShad I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Talent Pond. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I enjoyed this emotional piece about a lost love during summer. You used good word selections for your rhyming words and the flow of the poem went smoothly. I did notice that you used a rhythm of ABBA for the first verse then on your second and third verses, you went with a format of ABAB. I do not think it really hurt the poem's overall turn out but I did feel I should point out the variation in case you need to pay attention to consistent rhythm patterns in the future.There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information, or other problem areas. Good job.
I rate this a 4, for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day.
On a separate note, I love how you have your portfolio organized. Everything is very easy to find and pleasing to the eye. Congratulations on all the ribbons! That's a very nice collection and quite an accomplishment.
Happy Writing,
Sara
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Hello SonofDrogo I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of The Talent Pond. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I loved this piece! It's awesome. You did a wonderful job of writing about stage fright and I felt like I was reading a grown-up version of Dr. Seuss. I loved the humor you added with his 'advice' and how the two 'yous' argued. It was easy to follow and brought a smile to my face. There were no typos, grammatical errors, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas. The poem flowed well and had a terrific rhyme and rhythm. The ending was satisfactory and tied up the previously offered information nicely. Great job.
I rate this a 4.5 for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing this awesomely written piece. Have a wonderful day.
Happy Writing,
Sara
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Hello Fyn I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package purchase from "Invalid Item" This is Review 7 of 10 poem/short story Reviews. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I enjoyed this poem about winter. You use wonderful comparisons to weave a detailed poem about winter. Very interesting selections. It worked very well. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas. Way to go. I rate this a 4, for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Hello Fyn I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to honor your package purchase from "Invalid Item" This is Review 6 of 10 poetry/short story Reviews. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I enjoyed this insight into your family history and the struggles previous generations endured. I am also of Irish descent but I do not consider myself an Irish-American. Most people are not just one race. In this day and age, we are a combination of things. Why must we focus on just one because of the stuff they went through. To be proud of your ancestors is one thing. To try and mooch off of their hard work for your own gain is another. They moved to this country to give their children, grandchildren and so forth a better life. I don't think they expect us to claim to be something we are not. It is unlikely that 90% of the mixed populations will ever visit or live in their ancestors' homeland, therefore they truly can not claim to be that race. This is just an opinion, and the rantings of an over-opinionated, exhausted young mother of two pre-schoolers. The great thing about America, is that we have the freedom to express such opinions without fear of prosecution.
Back to what I'm supposed to be doing, there were no grammatical errors, typos, misspelled words, overly used words ore repeated information, and no other problem areas. The poem flows nicely and works well in reference to your recipe for American Stew. The ending ties up the loose ends of your opinions and finishes the poem on a great note. I rate this a 4 for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, which does not allow the writer to see how their work affected the reader as a whole, at that particular moment. Keep up the great work. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day.
Hello Fyn I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to honor your package purchase in "Invalid Item" This is Review 5 of 10 poem/short story Reviews. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I enjoyed this inspiring short story. You use great descriptions, thoughts and emotions to weave a story of a woman about to give up hope only to have it restored by the love of her husband and the pull of her dock. The way you describe her husband's actions are wonderful. He is very sweet and encouraging. I only found one thing I would suggest altering. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information. Good job with that.
I rate this a 4.5 for story structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing this awesomely written piece. Have a wonderful day.
Line Edits:
The first time we saw the property was a grayishcomma overcast day.Maybe this should be The first time we saw the property, it was a... or...The first time we saw the property was on a grayish, overcast day.
Hello, Fyn I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to honor your package purchase from "Invalid Item" This is Review 4 of 10 Poetry/Short story Reviews. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I do not know about the first whole verse. It doesn't sound like its worded right and it pulls the flow of the poem off. The rest of your words worked very well together, engaging the reader and making them feel respect, fear and sympathy for the victim and her courageous decision to testify against her attacker. You have a wonderful way of connecting with the reader through your words. I enjoyed this poem about a jaded woman attacked by someone she knew. The scars left behind will linger for long after the man is sentenced and serving time. Great work with this.
There were no typos, grammatical errors, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas. Nicely done. I rate this a 4.5 for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two things rather than just entertainment which does not help the reader know how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Keep up the great work. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day.
Hello, Fyn I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to honor your package purchase from "Invalid Item" This is Review 3 of 10 poetry/short story Reviews. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I agree with the line that it no longer matters why the boys did the shooting. What does matter is the young lives that were lost through a pointless death. Your poem does a wonderful job of expressing your opinion without being harsh or disrespectful. I enjoyed reading your words. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information. I enjoyed your reference to the lives lost as a flower that will never get to bloom. Great work.
I rate this a 4.5 for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two things rather than just entertainment which does not help the reader know how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Keep up the great work. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Fyn I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this Port Raid to fulfill your package purchase for "Invalid Item" This is Review 2 of 10 of your poetry/short stories. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
You use good descriptions and realistic thoughts for a person who's become blind. I do feel that you might have used fairies and the word 'overly' a bit too much but it is a personal opinion, one you might not agree with. I enjoyed the use of fairies in general. They are one of my favorite fairy tale creatures. You use excellent word choices to describe the colors, like the trees. palest of greens against the vivid hues of the tree. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspelled words or other problem areas. Good job with that. I rate this a 4, for story structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two things rather than just entertainment which does not help the reader know how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Keep up the great work. Thanks for sharing.
Happy Writing,
Sara
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Line Edits:
to not be really able to see things, clearly or otherwiseI think this would sound better if you phrased it like, to not be able to really see things
but to not be able to see things clearly you repeat clearly too much in my opinion. is what still sets in the panic, and what I still need to become accustomed to and to understand. I would suggest breaking this down. The inability to see things is what still sets in the panic. Yet, it's something I need to become accustomed to and understand. This is of course my suggestion and I hope you find it helpful.
but there was something in the tree and I couldn't quite see what it was through the blur and I so wanted to. This is long and drawn out. I'd suggest breaking it down and rewording it a bit. There was something in the tree, though I couldn't quite see what it was through the blur. I so wanted to.
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