I liked your poem a lot so I took the time to make so editing suggestions, i hope they are helpful
In the middle of the crossroads of life,
I was to come up with a plan, but alas,
Pitfalls and refusals draw me back to limbos of ice.
Here is the time when ideas would flow like unstoppable tides,
But whenever the writing decision pops out,
Ideas crossed each other in an unintelligible jigsaw of thoughts.
Where is this confident Other who I was to reach?
Why did the reflection in the cheval mirror look at me so quizzically?
Should I light up my soul with all these gentle thoughts
Or should I let myself go to the shadowy embrace of self-pity?
I love what you did here, it speaks to me and I want to know more about him. this piece is relatable yet personal. simple yet complex. I really enjoyed reading it.
quite pretty to read, but i feel like i was left hanging...there is more here to be felt i can feel you holding back, i have to say i quite like your use of punctuation but it does need revision
Feels like so many nightmares I've had...and honestly not the most comforting piece to read right before getting on a flight to New York very soon. You are a talented writer and have the gift of making words come to life. Your piece is full of vivid imagery but it is also overwhelming, I mean the world is falling apart and I understand what you're doing and of course, it SHOULD be overwhelming but I'd suggest trimming it back and exploding specific moments that will get the point across sooner. I have to tell you the first 6 paragraphs had me hooked though. I can't wait to read more of your apocalyptic tale that is hopefully not prophecy...who knows anymore the way things are going...pray for me.
Short, but it managed to pull my heartstrings. Still, I'd like to know more about this little girl and her papa, I hope you write more about her that is where the juice is.
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