The OGGLE BOGGLE Story (A Prologue)

Dedication

These stories are dedicated to Ishan, who made many hours of my life goodtime, and provided the inspiration for this.

Warning

If you are offended by any of the following, do not read these stories:

Silly Names
General Sex
Prostitution
Nakedness
Self-Gratification
Sexually Transmitted Diseases
Paedophilia
Necrophilia
Bestiality
Animated (As in walking and talking) genetalia
Other Animated stuff
Semen
Offensive language
Horror
Low level violence
People coming back to life
Movie Rip-Offs
Stupid Jokes
Black People
Drug Use
Pointless randomness
Racism
Made-up words
Gore
Anything sick, twisted and disgusting











The OGGLE BOGGLE Story (A Prologue)


One day a little Mequatian boy named Oggle Boggle Moby Dick had an idea; he would try and re-unite the Mequatians and the Equation populations to once again form the all powerful Me’Equatians. So he set off to see the Mequatian king, he was in awe as he saw the kings gilded throne. The king was sorting out a problem with his wise skills. Two people had eaten their neighbour’s cow. Oggle Boggle Moby Dick watched as the king told them what to do,
“Cover yourselves in chocolate syrup and sit on a fluorescent fire hydrant” he decreed.
“Oh you are so wise!” said the two people, and lo, they went forth and covered themselves in chocolate sauce and went and sat on a fluorescent fire hydrant. And the people rejoiced madly in the streets.

Oggle Boggle Moby Dick then went up to the king and said, “The Equations and the Mequatians have been at war too long, I think I should re-unite them and re-create Me’Equatia.”
And lo, the king proclaimed, “You silly bugger, sod off.”
Oggle Boggle Moby Dick didn’t like this at all. So he changed his name to ‘Little Red Hood’ and ate the king for supper. Meanwhile the Mequatians and the Equatians were still fighting so Little Red Hood ATE THEM ALL!
Muhahahaha.
The Little Red Hood got sick and threw them all up.

So now everyone was alive again and Little Red Hood changed his name back to Oggle
Boggle Moby Dick and vowed never to change his name again. So Oggle Boggle Moby Dick went off to the Mequatian wise man, who was hopping on one foot singing the Beatles (Yellow Submarine, in fact). So Oggle Boggle Moby Dick thought he should talk to the Equatian king about creating Me’Equatia again. But he would have to disguise himself as an Equatian girl to cross the border, so Oggle Boggle Moby Dick went to his mom’s place to get some Equatian blouses and dresses, as his mother was Equatian, (handily part of the reason for the re-uniting thing). As mothers do, his mother asked why he wanted them. Oggle Boggle Moby Dick said, “Because I’m an average American male.”
To which his mother replied, “Oh, well, then you better have some tits,” then she pulled out some squishy balloons filled with orange juice. “Fit these down in this bra and put it on,” she said. So Oggle Boggle Moby Dick did that. And then his mother gave him a word of warning, “Don’t bonk anyone while pretending to be a girl.”

So Oggle Boggle Moby Dick started on his journey off to see the Equatian king, on the way he found a lemon. This wasn’t an ordinary lemon. It was MAGIC! So Oggle Boggle Moby Dick bonked the lemon and his tits exploded. Now Oggle Boggle Moby Dick was sticky and he had to lick himself clean. Amazingly, he did this in four seconds, the lemon had given him amazing licking powers, and just to prove it he licked a passing squirrel clean. He licked it completely over in 0.6 of a second. So he took the squirrel’s microscope and examined his own tongue. He then took the squirrels nuts (Hazel nuts that the squirrel was carrying, not its scrotum) and used them to replace his tits, reminding himself not to get frisky with a guy who might feel his nuts [A PUN!]. So he set off once again. But the squirrel chased him down, but this time he had brought some squirrel friends to be licked. Little did Oggle Boggle Moby Dick know that his powers were only temporary, and the squirrels were very pissed off and gnawed on his nuts to get revenge, (his scrotum, not his hazeltits) until Oggle Boggle Moby Dick ran as fast as his dress would allow towards the border between Mequatia and Equatia, but as he got near he saw the big burly men that were guarding the border gate on both sides, and they were forbidden to let anyone in or out. But he managed to one of the guards to let him through, but… He has to have sex with the guard!!! Oggle Boggle Moby Dick only had 30 seconds to do it!...Can he do it?
!TENSION!
Yes, he can! The one squirrel he had befriended jumped on his shoulder and told him what to do. Strangely enough, the squirrel happened to have a hollowed out cucumber that fit comfortably between his legs, the squirrel jumped down into his dress and pretended to be a clitoris and pubic hair, the guard had his wicked paedophiliac way with Ogglina Bogglina Mobina Dixie (Oggle Boggle’s feminine name), and she was snuck through the gate, and went on her way to see the king. He named the squirrel Tilc, and so Tilc joined his journey. On the way Ogglina Bogglina Mobina Dixie came (He-he!) across a man with scabies lying in the road, the man said, “Help me young boy.”
Ogglina Bogglina Mobina Dixie said, “Oh, you silly man, I’m a girl,”
The old man said, “I know all and see all,”
“All?” Ogglina Bogglina Mobina Dixie asked
“All, even your hand down your dress feeling that disgustingly sticky cucumber,”
“Ah, that would be all then,”
“Yup,”
So Ogglina Bogglina Mobina Dixie helped him up and sucked his scabies until they were cured and made himself a new friend, who smiled dodgily whenever when Ogglina Bogglina Mobina Dixie asked if Red Dragon’s existed, as he was curious about becoming a dragon slayer.

So along the dusty dirt road travelled a Squirrel with a funny name, a frisky old man and a boy dressed like a girl, and then it started to rain, and the dirt turned into mud, and they all slipped over laughing, then the scene went into slow motion and they all got wet and muddy t-shirts and you could see pointy nipples and hazeltits, and Tilc’s big muscular squirrel testicles and they all had rampant sex. Ogglina Bogglina Mobina Dixie was tired and spent and disappointed because he had had forbidden sex again. “What shall we call what we just did?” Tilc asked, for he was able to talk.
“Rampant sex?” Ogglina Bogglina Mobina Dixie queried, “Or…”
“Gee…” interrupted the old man, “I don’t know.”
“Orgy?” Asked Tilc, “Sounds good.”
A dirty dirty old man who had been watching and videotaping this entire scene took out the tape and labelled it ‘poor’ (because of the shite acting), but the tape was slightly wet, and the word looked like ‘porn’. And lo, the first porn movie was made, and now you know.

So along the road they went again, the old man, Tilc and Ogglina Bogglina Mobina Dixie until they got to a village. This village was on the way to the Equatian castle, but upon passing through the village they noticed that no one was around, suddenly a hand rushed out of the shadows and grabbed the trio and pulled them into the dark. The mysterious person was a gigantic brussel sprout called CUM. You always say his name in capitals.. CUM. CUM was very happy to see them, he said, “CUM here,” hehehehehe! CUM was very very happy indeed. So the trio asked CUM why he had grabbed them.
“Our village is being terrorised by the evil FORSK-IN (also with capitals), you have to go and destroy FORSK-IN and free the village of the brussel sprouts.”
“I’d like to help you CUM,” Ogglina Bogglina said, (and Tilc laughed).
“Are you really?” asked CUM
“Yes, I’m gonna CUM,” (and Tilc laughed harder)
And so they all went to find FORSK-IN. When they found FORSK-IN, he said,
“Welcum, and cum back soon,”
And then a strange laugh filled the air as if from a cheap comedy programme and FORSK-IN said “Shit.” And Tilc said “Oh nuts.” And Ogglina Bogglina said,
“What’s that?”
“It’s an entire studio of fake laughter! We’re all doomed!” shouted FORSK-IN.
And down the mountainside came hundreds of false teeth and a huge voice box, which said “Raaa! I’m the voice box of doom, leader of the chattering minions of destruction!”
But Ogglina Bogglina had a brilliant idea that would destroy the evil voice box and all its minions. He was aroused by Lisa and CAME!!! Muhahahaha. Lisa is hot like hot hot curry. Chicken vindaloo bi-atch!! And everyone went into a standstill and stared at the cum dripping and then looked back at Ogglina Bogglina and said “Eww, Transvestite!” and the Voice box and his evil minions ran away.

And so a brussel sprout named CUM, a giant penis with arms and legs and an apt floppy foreskin head named FORSK-IN (who CUM hated, but put up with anyway because he was scared of the voice box returning), an old perverted man and Oggle Boggle Moby Dick, (his secret out to the world), went to the king’s castle. But the Equatian castle was heavily guarded. CUM got excited by Lisa again and SQUISH! Cum all over the place. KamehameCUM! All the guards were covered in CUM. And so was Lisa. Lisa drank 3 litres of cum and got sick; she had to take Mylantacum, which is anti-cum.

But lo, FORSK-IN’s evil twin brother came over and evaporated all of the cum, the evil brother’s name was SIR CUM SIZSHON (A penis with arms and legs but didn’t have a floppy foreskin), and now they had to fight him and the guards. FORSK-IN pulled out the biggest most dangerous weapon in the land a… PANT SAYBER! Yes, FORSK-IN was a Chodi (pronounced Chod-eye, to prevent confusion and copyright infringement! But wait… SIR SIZSHON had studied the Vein Side of the Forsk and had a surprise in store for all of them; he was a Vein Chodi, with an awesome double pronged Pant Sayber.
“Quick CUM!” all of the good guys shouted, “Cum!”
“I can’t blow my stack!” CUM said, “I’m spent!”
When suddenly a burst of light came (it was sticky). And then FORSK-IN was nearly defeated, [For some reason he had started fighting with someone, probably his twin], anyway he was nearly defeated, but the old man had some dirty dirty porn stuffed down his pants, he shlooped it out and CUM started having a wild masturbate. Pretty soon he was ready and he targeted SIR SIZSHON, who fell backwards and was knocked unconscious.
“Well done old chap!” said FORSK-IN, “A capital erection!”
“Don’t thank me,” said CUM, pointing to the dirty dirty magazines, “Thank Tiffany Sukeoff,” and Matt got a random erection.
“My work here is done,” said FORSK-IN, and he broke into song,
“Why do birds, suddenly appear,
Every time you a near,
I pick them up at gay bars,
But there is something weird about lesbian birds,
So I feed them to my cat.”

After this song was over, Tilc, Oggle Boggle Moby Dick, CUM and The Old Man left FORSK-IN, who was furiously arse-raping his twin, and went through the castle gate and into the castle.

They went into the King’s chambers. They found the king frantically sucking upon a breast, (a nipple to be exact).
The king said, “Oh shit! I’m busted.” (For it was not the Queen’s Nipple he was sucking upon).
“Don’t worry king,” said Oggle Boggle Moby Dick, “We will not tell on you.”
“That’s good news,” said Tiffany Sukmeoff (who owned the titty),
But then Oggle Boggle Moby Dick continued, “Unless you agree to re-unite Equatia and Mequatia to form the all powerful Me’Equatia.”
“I’ve always wanted to reform Me’Equatia,” said the King, “It is the king of the Mequatians that doesn’t want to unite.”
“You mean to say, that I have travelled a shit long way, lost my virginity thrice to old men and had brussel sprout cum spilt on me, for absolutely no reason?”
“Pretty much,” said the king, “But you did get to see Tiffany Sukmeoff’s titty.”
“Like that’s hard,” said the old man, holding up the magazine.
“Well, fuck you Oggle,” said CUM, “I wasted so much time, and, I was completely spent for the first time in my entire life because of you, I don’t know if I can get over that.”
“Sorry CUM,” said Oggle Boggle Moby Dick, “Sorry to everyone.” And he walked shamefully out of the king’s chambers, dragging Tilc by the balls behind him.

The old man said, “He exceeded his potential and takes the cock up the batty, that’s super!” Oggle Boggle was pretty pissed at the king so he found an AK47 and shot the fuck out of Tilc. Now Oggle Boggle was feeling better he had wild erotic sex with Tilc’s corpse.

But Lisa thought the squirrel was cute so after Oggle Boggle Moby Dick did his ‘washing up’ a random naked priest named Sam came along and resurrected Tilc, but now Tilc was a squirrel with a vengeance, he picked up the AK47 and set after Oggle Boggle Moby Dick.

Oggle Boggle Moby Dick was behind a bush with Lisa. Having wild explicit sex (at least it was with a girl this time), not expecting a sneak attack from Tilc with a vengeance, Oggle Boggle Moby Dick was just about to get Lisa to cum when “SQUISH!!!” Tilc with a vengeance hit Oggle Boggle Moby Dick with a big wad of squirrel cum. “Take that you marth chonni!” (Hindi for Mother Fucker) [Pronounced Mata chon nee].

But no! The Oggle Boggle and the Lisa were just holograms, put there to confuse Tilc with a vengeance. By now Oggle Boggle Moby Dick had almost made it back to the gate with Lisa, but how will he get past the guards without a friendly squirrel to provide a hollowed out cucumber and act like a clitoris, and, for some reason, only in 30 seconds?

The guards would find him. Because there was a massive neon sign above his head, saying ‘Live Oggles’. So he grabbed Lisa and thrust her into the arms of the guards.

Oggle Boggle went into the Mequatian kings throne room, the king was wisely deciding upon another argument; two pimps, one white and one black were arguing over Candy Sukmeoff (Tiffany’s Erotic Sister). They both wanted ownership of Candy. Shan, the black pimp, hit Matt, the white pimp, with his jewel-encrusted gold rings. So the king took them out to his ox, and the ox taunted them for a while. The king returned inside and sat down. Oggle Boggle walked up to him and said, “Oy! You cock sucker! You dick vein! You knob jockey! Titty!”
“Yes?” answered the King,
“Haha!” Shouted Oggle Boggle victoriously, “You answered, and I didn’t actually say your name! You insulted yourself!”
“Fuck off,” said the King. Tilc was very ashamed and went somewhere and started his own village.

And Oggle Boggle went home and cried to his mommy, who felt his penis. So he went to bed.

THE END