The Last Thing a Rabbit Wants

         You know, when Warner's first asked me to play myself in those stories they did from my life, I was skeptical. They said I owed it to the kids, to show them what a real hero is like. I had to think it over. I value my privacy, and I knew from the moment that white, hot spotlight hit me, I'd have to fight for any I got from then on.

         At about this point in our talks, one of the Warner VP's leaked to the press he thought I was lucky to get the exposure. After that, it took them six months to find me, and they made the Warner VP responsible come all the way out to my ice floe and beg me on his hands and knees. I'm normally unimpressed by such displays, but he threw in a really impassioned plea for the kids, one that moved me so much that I brooded over it for three whole days and nights before I drug his blue, frozen body in off my step, and thawed him out to announce my decision.

         "Okay, Doc," I said, "I'll do the shows, for the kids. When I was young, it was all one garden in the sun, but I've been around and now I just take it one carrot at a time. I can't be bought with dreams, so don't plague me with yours.

         "You think I can pull this gig 'cause I look like a cute young rabbit, but I don't care what you think, Doc, 'cause I don't know what older means. I ain't scared of myself, and that's why I ain't scared of you. Forget the Thumper stuff, you don't have to pat me on the head; I've had guns pointed at me, and heard bullets whing by.

         "I'm not this tough with kids, Doc, but envy's a bad trip. The wheel turns, and the rules change, and the moment you see it, your sideshow comes apart.

         "Have a little more tea? The wheel always turns, Doc, that's why you froze for three days on my doorstep. Consider yourself lucky to get the exposure."