Letting Go

I have known this day would come since the day she was born. I looked down into her enormous brown eyes and thought "Someday she will grow up and become an adult". I think that was yesterday or maybe the day before. Certainly not 18 years ago.

She is brilliant, beautiful, and witty. She is obstinate, a-know-it-all and insufferable. She is a senior in High School. It is interesting that for 11 years being in the top of her class was vital to her and now this year going to school is not important at all. His name is "Josh" this malignancy she has allowed to change her ethics, morals and goals. The invitations to campus, the scholarship letters all go unopened. The focus has changed to less academic pursuits and more carnal in nature.

I see her future opening up before her and hope that I have guided and prepared her for all her tomorrows. It is painful to discover all the pitfalls on your own as many have. We wish to share our wisdom with those we love and make the path they walk less hazerdous. However, they cannot hear us. Ignorance obscures their hearing.

I am letting her go and believing in her and knowing that she loves me and will come around eventually. It is a little like when you create a beautiful sculpture and pour your heart and soul into it and then it is finished and you must sell it because that is your job and that is what you do. You feel as though a part of you goes with it.
That sculpture is a piece of you that lives on and touches other people's life.

The day my daughter walked out the door the thought occured to me that a huge part of my life was passing away. Sad? Perhaps alittle.One door closed. The door that is opening is very intriging. I can only see alittle light through the crack of the door. I see the opportunity to be other than someone's mother.

I am ready to let go of my child and let her begin her adult life and let go of my life as her caretaker and begin my life as someone else.