Birthday Party

Little known fact. Birthdays are only mentioned twice in the Bible (any Bible, even the Good News Bible) and both times they preceded executions. The first was Pharoah's birthday when the baker and the butler were imprisoned with Joseph and then one was slain. The second was the birthday of Herod Antipas, when Salome danced and demanded the head of John the Baptist upon a charger. Even if we couldn't trace the practice back to pagan illuminism we would be suspicious of the self-indulgence, the absence of humility in an annual day dedicated to celebrating one's own birth! It is a violation of the second commandment, a form of idolatry.

Little known fact in my office. I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses. It didn't come up in the interview three years ago because I wasn't a Witness then. I started attending Bible studies last year and was baptized just a few months ago. In my time at the Company I have been known as a normal, fairly conservative employee. I never did anything wild or wore a lamp shade on my head at company parties. On the other hand, I laughed at all the jokes and attended all the parties. Which leaves me wondering how I'm going to face everyone when I have to explain that I can't go to Rick's birthday party this Friday because I've become a Witness.

I'm already braced for the fact that people won't express most of their true thoughts to me. Why should they? It wouldn't be nice and it wouldn't change anything. I wish they would though, because then I would at least have a chance to explain. Saying I can't go isn't an explanation, just a fact. I wish they would come out and ask "How can you be such a sheep and blindly follow a religion telling you what to do?" I know they will be thinking it! If they would come out and say it then I could argue my side! I could argue that a sheep would not stand up and refuse to go to the party and maybe they could respect that. I'm getting upset and realize maybe some coffee will help.

As I walk through the cubicles to the coffee room, I feel a tingly numbness kissing my hands and feet. My face is cold and it's a little hard to breathe. I loosen my collar. I refill my cup and Jared walks in and sticks a dollar in the vending machine. Jared is Mormon and doesn't drink coffee or alcohol. I realize I've stopped pouring mid-cup and I make myself finish pouring because I've been staring at Jared. It kind of annoys me that I bet he feels like he's sacrificing when he's the designated driver. Big sacrifice, pal. My love for Jehovah is bigger than that. Going to a party that God wouldn't appreciate and standing around laughing at all the jokes and eating the chicken wings isn't going out of Babalon. Going out of Babylon means that you don't even go and if they all think you're a fanatic then too bad. It is so ironic that fanatics are thought of as going along when it usually feels like standing apart.

As I walk back to my desk I almost bump into Janet and my coffee splashes a few drops, barely scalding the webbing between my thumb and finger. She smiles and I smile back and make some joke about being clumsy and I wonder whether she'll talk at the party about how sad it is that I've become a religious fanatic. I don't let on that I'm thinking anything though. Letting on will get people saying that I'm acting weird, less happy, and then that will be because I've become a religious fanatic, etc... I wonder whether Jehovah's people are always feeling like this. I remember that the Bible says that Jesus was "a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief" and that "we hid our faces from him" and I wonder if everyone will hide their faces from me or whether I will hide my face from them.

As I sit down at my desk, I hear a foul joke and four or five people including Janet and Peter are laughing. I act like I don't hear and wonder if Janet really likes the jokes or if she's just acting so that people think she likes the jokes. Before I started going to Bible studies, it never would have occured to me to wonder, but now I always do. I always wonder if people are silent because they don't hear or silent because that's how you disagree without standing out.