Longing

Thin wisps of clouds were hanging up in the night sky, blocking out just enough light from the quarter moon to cast an eerie glow down upon the street. Actually it was not all that eerie, but it seemed so when you were moving quietly, trying not to be heard. Alexis Worthing contemplated that as she moved unheard (hopefully) to the front door of her house. She knelt down and softly removed the key from under the mat, thinking her father really needed to come up with a better place to hide it. She put the key into the lock, very slowly, which just seemed to make it louder. It was kind of like pulling off a Band-Aid. It would be less painful if you just ripped it off, but no one ever does. They always slowly tug on it out of fear of pain. There was an echoing click and she pushed the door open, slipping inside.

The living room was no more friendly looking in the dark then the outside had been, but at least she was one step closer to her goal. She walked quickly through the pitch black room, knowing it by heart after so many late night excursions to parties or some other kind of respite from her home. Now was the tricky part, The stairs. She moved up those like a cat, eliciting very few creaks from the floorboards underneath. At the second story of her house she turned left down the hallway and crept to the end door where her bedroom was. With a triumphant smile she placed her hand on the doorknob just as a deep voice from behind her growled.

“Where have you been all night?”

Alexis spun around only to look upon the form of her half-clothed father, Alen.

“I asked you a question young lady. Where have you been all night? It’s 2:45 in the morning”.

She bit her lip softly, a habit she had picked up when she was younger. “I was just out with a friend. No big deal”.

“No big deal!” her father said raising his voice. “When you live in my house with my rules you will be at home and in bed when I tell you too!”

Alexis glared at her father, anger building up in her eyes. He didn’t care what she might have been doing or why she was late. She could have been laying dead on the street or kidnapped by some stranger, but as long as his precious rules weren’t broken he didn’t care. She could seriously imagine the coroner bringing her dead body to the house in the middle of the night and her dad yelling at them because they brought him the body after her curfew.

She of course didn’t voice any of that anger now. It would serve no purpose with her dad. It never did. “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again”.

Her dad, seeming fine with the apathy in her tone merely grunted and padded off like the big harry bear he was back to his room. Alexis was left standing in the hallway for a moment before she put her anger in check and walked briskly into her own room.

The usual sight affronted her as she looked around. She had a beautiful room and it was always neat. She didn’t have a problem with keeping her room straitened like most 17-year-old’s. The walls were all white with a dark blue carpet covering the floor. Her bed was old fashioned. It was one of those kinds that had a canopy over it. She had a few dressers with clothes in them and a large closet where she kept all of her dresses and pants neatly hung up.

Sure her room was nice, she just wished her home life was as nice as her home. Ever since she was 3 years old and her mother died, her dad had taken all his anger out on her, until it finally became a habit for him. As she walked to her bed and sat down roughly upon it she thought of how many years it had been since her dad had said he loved her. She said it to him on the days when she was more together, when her dad was not being such an ass hole, but he never said it back anymore. He would just nod and grunt, telling her to go do her homework or watch TV.

Bitter tears rolled down her cheeks and hit the bedspread, leaving little stains. There was such a vast emptiness inside of her and she didn’t know why.

Laying back quietly on the bed she shimmied a bit, slipping her jeans off, then her T-shirt. She tossed them on the ground at the side of her bed and put on a light blue robe made of thin silk. She felt totally alone as the tears on her face reflected. She looked at the clock by her bed to see the time and could only think of one person she could call this late.

She reached over to pick up the receiver but it rung before she could touch it. She hurriedly picked it up and spoke softly into the mouthpiece. “Hello”.

“Hey there Alex”, a male voice on the other end greeted her. “Is it turning out to be one of those days already?”

She would have laughed if it was not so true and if she could get over the surprise of his call. “Matt, do you have any idea how late it is? How could you be calling me?”

She heard him laugh over the phone. “Ok. Whatever Miss, Hey why don’t I come back at 3:00 in the morning. I bet you got caught didn’t you?”

“You know me way to well”, she said back. “In fact I was just about to call you”.

His voice grew stern on the other end, “You would have called me this late and woke me up? Some friend you are”.

They both laughed softly at the same time, though it was Alexis that spoke up next. “Dad just yelled at me again. I know I shouldn’t have been out but…”

She cut off, not knowing what to say. Matt picked up on the tone in her voice. “Have you been crying?” he asked concerned.

“Still am”, she replied softly.

“I’ll be right over”. There was a click before Alexis could say anything, but they both knew she’d have no problem with it.

She waited for about 2 minutes before the expected rap on her window sounded. She moved to it quickly, always freaked out at how dangerous that was. She didn’t even bother to mention once more to him that she was on the second floor as he slipped in and closed the window. There was a brief moment when their eyes met and he saw the pain and tears in her eyes, then he went to her and wrapped her in a tight hug.

“You know I hate to see you like this Alex. Anything I can do to make it better?”

She tilted her head to look up in his eyes as she laid her cheek against his chest. “You already have…more then you know”.

They shared another small smile and walked over to the bed, siting on either side and extending their legs forward. Alexis had known Matt ever since kindergarten where he would play with her in the sandbox. As they grew up they became inseparable. If one had a problem the other was right there beside them right away, trying to help.

Matt was big for his age, having always been somewhat of an athlete all during his childhood and up into high school. He was the same age as Alexis but dwarfed her by about 7 inches. While she was a healthy 5’5 he was a little over 6 feet. Short brown hair accented his doe like eyes perfectly.

“Well then…” he said as he got comfortable, “…Tell me what else I can do, because you still don’t look happy enough for my tastes”.

She giggled a bit, though the sadness on her face did not fade away. “I…I don’t know what you can do. There’s nothing you can do”.

Matt shook his head with a determined look. “No I don’t believe that. Why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong first, then maybe I can help. You know you can tell me anything”.

She could too. He knew her better then anyone else did. Herself included sometimes she thought. “I feel... like someone just ripped into my chest and tore my heart out. I can’t stand dad. He seems to get worse every year. Even I am over it after this long, and I saw it all happen!”

She did not need to explain what ‘It’ was to Matt. They had enough conversations up to this point for him to know she meant the death of her mother.

Lora Worthing had been a wonderful woman. Church going, friendly to all her neighbors. She was the woman on the block who always had time to make jam for the new arrivals to the neighborhood, or knit a baby blanket for an expectant mother. Even though she died when Alexis was only 3 years old, she had such powerful memories of her. The death had been unexpected. She had a massive stroke that mercifully killed her almost instantly. Alexis had been in the room when her mom suddenly fell to the floor…dead. She didn’t understand death at the time, so she thought her mother might be playing a game. After she realized it was no game…she screamed until her father ran into the room and saw what happened.

Alexis’s life changed after that. Her father grew more and more cold every day. His anger at his wife’s early death was transferred to the only other person around, Alexis, and that is why she was in such a state of pain today.

“I’m not afraid of dying.” She continued on. “I am afraid that when I do die I will be all alone. No one will care that I ever lived and no one is going to give a fuck that I died!”

By the end she was crying again, though much more now that she let out all she was feeling. Matt was already at her side, hugging her. She clung onto him for dear life, like he might fade away if she let go.

“Shhhh, don’t cry, Ally”, Matt said adapting the use of the name only he used for her. “You won’t die alone, that’s crazy. You are always going to have me, and I will never, ever, ever stop caring for you”.

She was quivering in his arms now as the tears poured from her eyes like a baby. Matt held her like one, rocking her back and forth to slow her sobs. A good 10 minutes of silence passed between them as Matt continued to hold her as she cried. When she was done they separated enough to look each other in the eyes.

“I’m sorry for throwing sand in your face”, Alexis said breaking the silence.

Matt looked at her confused.

“When we were 4, remember? I threw the sand in your face…I’m sorry”.

Matt laughed softly. “Apology accepted. But what in the world brought that up?”

She smiled softly and hugged him tighter. “Just because…I feel bad for every mean thing I ever did to you. You’re the best friend anyone could ever have. Tell me why you’re single again?”

He laughed and shrugged innocently. “I don’t know. I guess I just haven’t met anyone who likes me”.

“Ha! Yeah, I bet there are way too many smart, funny, handsome, kindhearted guys in this town. There’s just not room for one more.” She punched his arm playfully.

“Oh yeah? he replied with a grin. “Well it’s not like you have room to complain. All of those guys are after you because you are the sexiest most beautiful woman in this entire town. I have to beat guys off with a stick just to get time with you!”

Her cheeks took on the distinct light red color of a blush and she punched his arm again, harder. “Yeah whatever. If I really had that many guys around I’d have gotten rid of you by now”.

He laughed and rubbed his arm a bit from where she punched him. “Yeah well with a fist like that I guess I don’t need to fight the guys off, you can do it yourself”.

Pretending to be concerned she leaned in and kissed the exposed part of his arm where she had hit him, then looked up into his eyes “That feel better?”

He grinned and nodded. “Oh very much so”.

As he replied she looked at his face and felt something she had never felt around him before. She was suddenly aware of how essentially unclothed she was. Accept for her bra and underwear only a thin layer of cloth stood between him and her body. Without thought, without any hesitation, she leaned up and kissed him full on the lips before she chickened out.

To say that Matt was surprised would have been a huge understatement. His eyes shot open wide and he tensed a little on the bed, though he did not make any move to stop her. In fact after a moment his arms once again found there place behind her back and lower neck. As the kiss became more intense Matt pulled her slowly closer to him, his eyes now closed and completely taken up with the feelings running through him. After about 20 of the longest yet shortest seconds of Matt’s life he broke the kiss and looked softly into Alexis’s eyes.

“What are you doing Ally? this isn’t you”.

“What? You don’t like it?” She asked with a worried voice.

He responded quickly. “It’s not that I didn’t like it…I just don’t want to take advantage of you when your this depressed. You’re not thinking straight”.

Alexis looked at him for a moment, then a smile grew on her lips, finally spreading to her whole face. “No…you’re wrong. I am thinking more clearly then I ever have before”.

With those words she resumed the kiss before there could be anymore talk about it. Matt did not fight it at all this time. There was a longing, a sadness in him that he kept from Alexis when she needed him to be strong. He knew exactly how she felt. The loneliness, the fear of no one remembering you when you were gone. That was one of the reasons she trusted him so much, because she knew he truly understood.

As all that flashed in his mind his hands worked of there own free will and caressed up and down her back, feeling her skin in whatever places the robe was not covering. Alexis let a soft sound of pleasure escape her as she gently parted Matt’s lips and let her tongue flow softly into his mouth. There was a bond, an intensity that neither one of them had ever felt before when kissing another person. It was like their two bodies were begin merged into one as the kiss grew more feverint along with the passion between them.

Matt took special care in his next movement. While wrapping his own tongue around Alexis’s and sucking gently he slowly removed her robe, giving her every chance to stop him. She did not. In fact she helped him along, breaking the kiss and pulling the robe over her head. Not stopping there, Alexis slipped her thin hands under Matt’s shirt and pulled it off him, exposing his bare chest to her.

She immediately began kissing lines up and down his stomach, then moved back to his lips and started the passionate kiss all over again. Her own chest moved in and out quickly in response to her faster breathing. Having Matt this close to her and knowing that she loved him with all her heart, it was just so incredibly freeing. It did not take long for her bra to go the same way Matt’s shirt had gone.

Matt was now acutely aware of Alexis’s bare breasts pressed hard against his chest. He could feel her nipples rubbing across his skin and felt her tense in his arms every time it happened. He gently broke the kiss and slid partly out of her arms grasp. As he moved slowly down her body he planted soft kisses and slowly licked her sweet skin. Alexis moaned as she felt his tongue roaming her body. She nearly screamed from the sudden jolt of pleasure she felt when Matt covered her right nipple with his mouth and softly sucked on it.

As the very tip of Matt’s tongue flicked over Alexis’s nipple his hands did not stay idle. They gently kneaded and caressed every inch of her other breast, then traveled along her sides and down to her waist and thighs. He turned his hand upwards so that his nails would scrape along her skin, though not enough to leave any marks. His hands flowed over every inch of her lower body, stopping for a moment as he felt her wetness spreading across her underwear.

The moans of the two mixed together and filled the room softly, but Alexis’s gasps were heard far better then Matt’s. She did not think that what she felt could be any stronger until Matt’s hands started caressing her body as he sucked on her nipple. He was not rough or over-dominant. It was like his hands were paintbrushes and her entire body was the canvas. He did not just touch her, he enveloped her, making her feel more protected then she ever had in her life.

As Matt’s hands ran softly over the center of all the erotic pleasure she was feeling right now, she reached down and took his hands in hers. Very slowly she guided his hands to either side of her underwear and had him slowly slide it down her legs. She now lay completely naked before Matt. Physically and emotionally totally vulnerable.

“Ally…” Matt whispered against her chest, just loud enough for her to hear him. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yes Matt, more then I ever have been about anything”.

Matt kept hold of Alexis’s hands even after she helped him remove her underwear. He brought both of her hands up and broke contact with her nipple. Looking up into her eyes lovingly he kissed each of her fingers one by one, his lips embracing the very tips of each, slipping it lightly in his mouth, then moving on to the next one.

Alexis held his gaze for each one of those tender kisses, not ever wanting to look away again. As he finished with the last pinky she tore her gaze away and once again guided his hands, but this time to the waistline of Matt’s pants. She then separated her hands from his and moved them to the front where the button was. Her softest of touches was enough to draw a pleasured moan from Matt’s lips. She could feel the bulge press even harder against the fabric of his jeans as she slipped the button open and unzipped his pants.

Though both of their movements were still gentle and slow, Alexis could not help but see Matt’s boxers as more of an obstacle to overcome rather then the road to get where she wanted. There was a small trace of laughter in Matt’s moans as Alexis nearly ripped the boxers off of him, though it also made his level of excitement jump up even more. She fixed her gaze on his erect member, having never believed in all the years she knew him that she would ever see him like this.

Someone observing the two on Alexis’s bed would have thought the two had been lovers for years. They moved as one. A couple. Soul mates. Having helped Matt shed his clothes, leaving him as naked as her, Alexis wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned back completely on the bed, pulling him on top of her.

Matt ended up kneeling with his legs on either side of her own, his arousal apparent for Alexis to look at. She smiled and reached over, gently stroking him back and forth along his length. Matt closed his eyes, completely taken in by the feeling of Alexis’s soft hands touching him in such a personal way. He leaned down and locked his lips with hers, achieving the depth of the kiss they had before in seconds instead of minutes. The comforter under them bunched up at the writhing of their bodies, wrapping Alexis up at the sides and making it feel like a cloud surrounded her.

They held each other tighter now. Alexis especially as she seemed to be trying to squeeze the life from Matt and drink it in though their kiss. This just pressed her breasts harder into Matt’s chest, driving both of them even more wild. Alexis broke the kiss and moved her head to meet Matt’s ear. She bit down on it softly and whispered. “I want you inside of me now, I want it more then anything I have ever wanted or needed in my life. Don’t speak…just make me yours forever”.

Nodding slowly, having his dreams being fulfilled by being with Alexis like this, he positioned himself closer to her lower body as she spread her legs wide for him. In one flowing movement he slid forward and penetrated her, causing a loud cry to be released by both of them.

Everything was forgotten by Alexis in that moment. Her father, her problems at home, the death of her mother, the way she was treated at school and most off all the all-consuming feeling of loneliness. For Matt his every thought turned to Alexis, not just what he was doing with her, but all the good memories they had together.

He started thrusting in and out of her a little faster with each passing moment, savoring every second of what they were doing before moving on to the next level. Alexis moved in exact sync with Matt, driving him into her even deeper with every thrust of her hips she made. Their lovers dance continued for over 10 minuets until it was too much for either of them to bare. Matt felt Alexis’s body tighten in his arms, especially her intimate hold on his member. With a loud moan from Matt and a near scream from Alexis, they both came, the sensation sweeping both of them away like an ocean hitting you all at once in a kiddy pool.

For what seamed like an eternity there was only silence. They lay side by side, Matt’s body just barely on top of Alexis’s. The silence was broken by Matt’s voice, musical to Alexis’s ears.

“You know…we can never go back to being friends after this”.

Alexis’s soft voice replied “Yeah…we’ll always be so much more now”.

He nodded and they smiled warmly at this revelation.

The rest of the night was spent in each others arms, the morning light only served as a sign that a new day had come, and a new life was in store for the two. Alexis, nor Matt, would ever want it any other way.