Painless

“Will you please call the defendant to the stand?”

James Hill pushed himself back from the table and got up. He walked quickly to the witness stand and was sworn in. He was neatly dressed, belying the strange clothes he usually wore and the stranger mind within. Even in a pressed suit and sporting a short haircut, he managed to have a disheveled look about him.

The first few questions were preliminary ones, and James answered without looking up. He appeared more interested in picking from his sleeves and pants an abundance of long hairs from a shaggy dog.

“James, please look at the court when you are answering,” the judge directed. James looked up.

The attorney continued. “You do not deny that you were with the deceased, Barney Collins, the night of his death.”

“No sir. I was there.”

“And he was alive and well at the time.”

“Yes sir, he was alive. He wasn’t well. That’s why I was taking care of him. He was dying.”

“Were you friends?”

“No sir, I was just the caregiver. I hated him. That’s why I killed him.”

There was a murmur in the courtroom, and then the prosecutor continued. “You killed Barney by brutally slashing him to death with a knife. In cold blood. Is that correct?”

James looked at the prosecutor directly. “I wouldn’t put it that way sir.”

“How would you put it?”

“Before I knifed him, I gave him a shot of morphine and some whiskey and a sleeping pill. So it wasn’t so brutal as all that, you see.”

“Why did you do that?”

“He didn’t like my big shaggy dog, and he stabbed him. I wanted to get him back, but I didn’t want to really hurt him. So yes, I’m guilty. Of pre-medicated murder.”