Angel

Angel

Prologue: Death




I drove like a seer in a trance. I watched as my past blew away like autumn leaves in the wind, instead of watching the road. I was speeding and I didn’t care. I didn’t care if I died so long as I did not have to move to that awful little town in Texas, yes Texas, and leave behind my whole life. For the first time in my life I could honestly say that I was scared. I could honestly say it, but I felt that I wasn’t able to say it. So I was slipping into deep water, the weight of this ocean pushing down on me. I felt like I had a right to something, right to a normal future, a better future, perhaps. But I also felt like I was drowning in that ocean, suffocating. And there was no one to help me. I knew I would never have the guts to kill myself by medication or by a knife, or rope. Or even Dan’s pistol that he kept in the very back of his closet. I wouldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it. But driving at an insane speed seemed to numb that cold, hard knowledge cutting into me like a steel knife. I could, in fact, take my life quite easily. At least I had control over something. When I came to the part of the highway where I knew there was a shallow lake lying underneath like a safety net, I stepped on the gas as hard as I could. I summoned power that I didn’t know was even in me. I veered to the right and almost hit another car, but then revved the speed up even more and crashed into the thick, cement-block wall that kept cars on the road. But that wall was no more. My car crashed completely through the cinder blocks with one, easy stroke. My Ford Focus plummeted straight to the thin, brown lake that was nearly a puddle in the summer heat. I felt no pain though, that was the odd thing. I was expecting pain. I felt the strange sensation of flying through the air. It was surreal. But I liked it. At least I get to do something I like before I die. That word die was barely whispered on my lips before the car hit the lake at full force. On an act of sheer impulse I unlocked the doors. My mind was going around in circles. I want to die, no, I can’t die, I still have Dan and Mom and Dad and Sarah-I can’t die! There was the sound of splashing water as the car hit the surface like someone trying to attempt a belly flop, it hadn’t even rolled over in the air. The windows were cracked, the water was coming in. The car was sinking down. And just as the water was up to my neck I thought- Drowning, what a terrible way to die. Too late. Too late. I had thought the lake was just a small pond, but it only looked like that from faraway, up on the highway. Now all I had to do was look down out of my side window to see the brownish-green depths. I am going to die. The thought hit me. I had thought I wanted to end my life. But I was just angry and impulsive then. I am going to die. The line in my thoughts held new truths. And brought about new questions. Was there really a heaven, a hell, and a God? I wondered. And then there was another question that arose within me, almost immediately-And Angels? What about Angels? Silently I prayed for them. Oh I wanted that child’s picture of heaven to hold on to-because I was so scared. For the first time, really, in my life. God, I am afraid. I hoped He wasn’t too busy to hear my last prayer. Or see my last tear. I couldn't hold my breath anymore. I fought and fought, but eventually my lungs gave and filled with the only possible medium. As the car was sinking slowly, filled completely with water, my consciousness was taken away, and the darkness enveloped me.