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Rated: 13+ · Novel · Psychology · #1188731
A boy's troubled past bubble up from the depths of his mind.
This copy is my first draft and i just wrote them as they came to mind, I've done very little with spell check and grammar.  So my main concern for now is how the story is going.  Feedback would help me a lot.

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                                                          1

I sat there, letting the scene sink in.  It was peaceful, this new place.  It was the classic scene, white picket fence with red flowers climbing over them.  Lush green grass on the lawn and a red brick path that led up to a blue and white Victorian style cottage house.  There was a mat before the door, it said home sweet home, and so it was.  The family and I were in the backyard.  My parents were tending to the garden, planting the newly bought roses in beds of mulch, they seemed happy enough.  My two younger brothers were running around the yard, laughing and playing with no care for the world. 

My baby sister sat beside me playing with the little tea party set that my parents gave her for her birthday.  I was playing with her since she didn't have any friends to play with yet, she lined up three dolls around the child table in little seats, I was also sitting in one feeling very uncomfortable, but i didn't care, so long as she was having fun and smiling, that was all that mattered to me.  Oh yes, this place had everything we could have ever wanted, we were happy here, as a family.  The scene flashes to us having dinner, my two brothers sat opposite of me, playfully throwing food at each other, it made me chuckle a bit. 

My mom sat next to my sister, feeding her the spaghetti that she made.  My sister reluctantly taking the spaghetti.  My dad sat at the head of the table, trying to control my brothers, with no luck.  It was a typical dinner, same thing everyday.  The scene flashes again, this time it was just me and my dad in his office.  We were talking, about everything.  We talked about school, about his work, about my work.  We talked about uncle Robert, he was coming down for Christmas, he was an interesting person, always had interesting stories.  Then he asked me if I was happy, about our new life.  Of course I said yes, there was nothing that I could complain about, it was a lot better than before, and I knew he worked hard for all of this, for us.
         
            Then everything was dark.  I could here a beeping sound, it was faint but it grew stronger as time passed.  It sounded like an alarm, a smoke or fire alarm.  I could see a red dot now, in the darkness, it was blinking.  I looked around and realized i was in bed.  I got up and headed for my door.  I reached for the knob, but as soon as I did flames shut out from the walls.  The heat was intense, the knob grew instantly scolding hot.  I whipped my hand off and tore some of my flesh of, some stuck on the knob and seared.  The flames grew bigger, it engulfed all the walls now.  I was forced to the middle of the room, I was panicking now. sweat made my clothes stick to my skin, I couldn't stop coughing, I felt weak and light headed.  I knelt down close to the ground to avoid the smoke, then through the roaring of the fire I heard someone.  It was my sister, she was crying.  I looked at the door, it wasn't on fire, I decided that I would knock it down.  I got up and sprinted towards the door, I went through the door, knocking it from the screws, then the rush of air fueled the fire and created a giant fireball that exploded out of my room. 

              I screamed as the flames raced towards me,  I couldn't help but think of my own death, all that raced in my mind was is this it?  The fire reached me and engulfed me, but I felt no pain.  In fact, I felt nothing at all, I wasn't dead.  I heard the cries again, I turned and saw my mom crouched down in the bathroom.  My sister was in her arms, she was trying to protect my sister from the flames.  I ran out of the fire that  surrounded me,  I reached for my mom but my hand went right past her arm.  Confusion set in, what the hell?  I looked at my hand and back at my mom.  I reached for her once more, and once more my hand went right past hers.  Soon panic replaced confusion.  I screamed at my mom to run, screamed right by her ear, but she didn't seem to be able to hear me.  I was helpless, a spectator that had no power over anything.  All I could do was watch, and I watched as the flames reached them.  My mom cried out in agony, the flames melting her clothes to her skin, I could hear the crackling of burning flesh. 

"NOOOOO." I screamed.

              I tried frantically to try to touch her, with no effect.  I watched as my mom burned to death, then I watched as the flames engulfed my sister, she was crying still, she had her arm around my mom's waist.  Tears ran down my face, agony was all I felt, i couldn't help her...I couldn't help her.  My sister and my mom, their charred bodies fused together from the flames. 

            Flash, everything changed again, there was still fire everywhere, but now I was downstairs in the kitchen.  I saw my dad, he had both my brothers, each in one arm.  He had a desperate expression on his face.  He was panicking.  He let go of one of my brothers to try to open the kitchen door that led outside.  His hand seared from the hot doorknob, but he didn't seem to notice.  He couldn't turn the knob, the metal must've melted together .  He started crying now, it was weird, I've never seen a grown man cry, let alone my own father.  Sadness filled me.  Please be able to get out.  I thought, there were still trails of tears on my face.  My dad led my two brothers towards the front door,  just then the gas stove in the kitchen exploded.  As if in slow motion i saw the fireball emanate from the gas line, engulfing the stove and making it explode into a thousand pieces.  I saw the pieces fly out in all directions, it spread through all of the kitchen, and I saw the pieces pierce almost every part of my two brothers and my father.  I cried like I've never cried before.

            They were thrown against the wall, already half burned before they fell on the ground.  My dad was still holding them by the hands.  Pain, so much pain in me,  I felt numb.  Agony, anger, pain, regret, helplessness, all these emotions just swirled in me and made me numb.  I screamed at the top of my lungs, as if to try and get rid of these emotions, I screamed at nothing, but I kept on screaming.  I fell on my knees,  I'm not sure if I was still screaming or crying.  I laid my head on the ground, my hands over them.  A voice, it was yelling, it was yelling out my name.  Chris!  Chris!  It grew louder, I closed my eyes, as if to concentrate on the sound, but it was more than sound, it was in my head.  It grew louder still,  CHRIS!  Flash.  My eyes opened, I was on my couch, my friend Max stood over me.

"Dude are you okay?  You started screaming in your sleep and crying, then you got all crazy."

"Yea I'm alright."  I answered. 

I touched my face, it was wet, I guess I was really crying.  It was also throbbing, Max must've slapped me to wake me up.  I sat up on the couch, rubbed my head a little and looked at Max. 

He looked worried,  "you sure you're alright, you want me to call Clark?"

"No I'll be fine, I see enough of him already anyway."

Clark was my psychiatrist, has been for 5 years.  I headed to the bathroom, I splashed a bit of water on my face to cool off.  I realized I was soaked from sweat, my clothes stuck to my skin.  The picture of my mom flashed in my head...no, I can't think about that right now.  I took a cold shower and got dressed.

"Well I'll see ya, I got a class in a few and I'm gonna stop by Clark's office after so I won't be back for a while."

"alright man take it easy oh and we're meeting the guys at TJ's tonight, don't forget."  Max said.

I left the apartment and headed for class.  I was taking courses about medicine at the local technical institute.  It was a good class, fit his schedule perfectly.  I wanted to be a doctor ever since I was little.

"Chris! wait up!."

I Turned to see who it was, of course I didn't need to, we walked together everyday since class started 5 months ago.  Her name was Kate, we lived in the same apartment building and we take the same bus to class everyday.  She was cute, but a little annoying, not through her own fault though.  She was a cheery girl, always looking at the bright side, and she could have fun doing the most pointless things, she could also get very hyper.  She'd be more hyper than me at her most exhausted state than I would be if I was on crack.  Aside from that we had a lot of things in common, we appreciate good days, and make the best of the bad ones.  We also prefer the same kind of music and movies, we made it a tradition to check out the film festival that came around every year.

"Hey."  She greeted me, with a grin, trying to catch her breath.  "Jerk thanks for waiting for me."

"I did wait for you, see I'm standing still, thus I am waiting."

"shut up, i meant at the building, I had to sprint to catch up to you."

"well you shoulda woken up earlier."  i said sarcastically as I started walking again.

She caught up beside me and playfully punched me on my arm.  "well if someone came and woke me I would've woken up earlier."

"don't make excuses."  I said, with a smile to let her know I was kidding.

She ignored my sarcasm and took out her laptop as we sat down on the bench at the bus stop.  "I am so not gonna finish this paper in time, I'm not even halfway done.  how far are you?"

"I'm almost there."  I answered  "whats yours on again?"

"for the 20th time, it's about the different effects of stimulants in the environment to the individual.  The increase or decrease in hormones due to the surroundings, things like that, I'd explain further but you're probably already spaced out."

She was right, i was spaced out.  but i managed to respond nonetheless.  "cool."

She looked at me and shook her head.  "You're hopeless."

I put her in a headlock, "That wasn't a very nice thing to say."  I said, just as an excuse to give her a noogie.  Just then the bus pulled up.  I let her go and grabbed my bag.  "You're lucky i went easy on you."  I said.

She shoved me on the back with her bag, "get in there!"

The bus ride was pretty uneventful, Kate was listening to her ipod, and I forgot mine so i just rested my head back looked up.  I tried not to think about the dream but I couldn't help it, the visions flashed in my head.  I shut my eyes tight and rubbed them.  I forgot to take my pills.  I thought.  I opened my eyes, Kate was looking at me, with the same worried expression Max had this morning.  She asked the same question also.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, just a little out of it.  I'll survive though."

She gave me a little nod and went back to staring out the window.

                                                    2

The bus pulled up to the school and let us out.  Kate and I must've taken only three steps when one of her friends called out to her.

"Kate!  Kate!"

Kate still had her Ipod in her ears so she didn't hear her friend yell out her name.  It was Nicole, Nicole was a pretty girl, when she wore makeup. Once I accidentally walked in on her putting on her makeup in Kate's bathroom, a sight I wish i'd forget.  Aside from that she was an interesting person, she was smart, real smart.  She was very easy to talk to and she was nice, so she didn't bother me that much, as a matter of fact id go as far as to say that I enjoyed her company sometimes. I wondered if I should tell Kate Nicole was here, I decided to give her a little nudge.  She looked at me and I pointed towards Nicole who was rapidly getting closer, she followed the direction of my pointer finger and saw her.  Kate pulled off a screechy hey and went to go hug her.  They came back to where I stood arms chained to one another giggling at god knows what.

"Morning Chris."  Nicole said.

"Morning"  I answered.

"How is your roommate doing?"  she asked.

"fine just fine."  I answered.  Nicole had a little thing for max, though she never actually uttered a word to him she's constantly asking me how he is.  It gets old after a while so I decided to act. 

"You know a bunch of us are going to TJ's tonight, Kate is coming with us you should too."

"I am?"  Kate asked bewilderingly.

"yes."  I said sternly, with a look that said just play along.

"Oh that's right I almost forgot,"  she quickly admitted.  "yea you should totally come, then you and Max can actually talk."

I looked at her and met her gaze, a smile formed on my face.  I love how she gets me.  I thought.

"That sounds awesome!," Nicole practically yelled out.  "I have something to look forward to now...Oh I have to get to class but umm I'll see you guys after. later."

Nicole left for her class and Kate and I walked towards ours.

"A little heads up would've helped you know."  Kate said.  "What if I had plans tonight, then your little sneaky plan would've backfired."

"Please what plans, your plans always involve pajamas, ice cream and a movie, Im surprised you haven't gotten fat from all the ice cream you inhale."

I poked her on her belly and she retaliated with her purse in my face.  I would've been mad if that was the first time that ever happened,but it wasn't, it must have been the 500th time we played through that little scene.  We walked into class and took our seats.  We seldom ever sit together because we always distracted each other, so we made a pact to sit away from each other to avoid failing the class on the count of goofing of.  A pretty brilliant idea in my opinion, but we still couldn't help but exchange facial remarks about anything the professor said that we found funny.  Class was the same everyday, boring and uneventful.  I find that the older you get the harder it is to learn new things,  and care about learning new things.  Of course it was my own choice to take this class so I forced myself to pay attention, taking down anything I thought would help when test time came.  Class was always an hour and 45 minutes long, after class Kate and I sat out in front of the school on the steps waiting for Nicole.  She came out of the building 5 minutes later.

"Hey"  She greeted us. 

Amazing, she looks more hyper than she did this morning.  She's not normal.  I jokingly thought.

"well guys I'm off, I have to meet Clark in a few."  I said

"I didn't know you had an appointment today."  Kate remarked

"It's not really an appointment, I just need to see him about something."

"do you want me to come with you?"  She asked, she looked worried.

"No Im fine, I'm a big boy after all."  I said, trying not to blow up on her, I hate it when people worry, especially about me, when they didn't need to.  "You and Nicole should go to lunch or something, i don't think you had much time for breakfast by the looks of you this morning.  I'll just meet you guys later tonight, I'll stop by your apartment Kate and we'll head to TJ's from there okay?"

"okay..."she said, softer than normal. 

Bah I thought.  She's always worrying about me, like an overprotective sister.  SISTER!  That word flashed in my head, then the picture of my baby sister in my mother's arms.  NO, STOP IT.  I walked away from the girls and quickened my pace towards the bus stop that headed to Clark's office.  Why am I having these pictures in my head?  What are they?  I tried not to think about anymore of it, I just kept myself busy surfing the net on my laptop.  Clark's office was about a 10 minute bus ride from here so I didn't have long to wait.  My attention shifted from my laptop to the window.  I stared at the passing scenery.  The buildings whizzed by like a gray blur of a world, my eye would focus on a little image every once in a while.  A dog would sniff passing pedestrians.  A little girl would be riding on her dad's shoulders down the sidewalk.  Homeless people would be sitting on the curb holding their hand out. 

I wondered if they even knew what they were doing anymore, seemed like holding out their hand and hoping a passersby would pity them enough to hand them anything at all was their only connection left to this world.  The bus stopped in front of a crosswalk,  outside the window an old woman caught my attention.  She had frizzy gray hair that went down to her thighs and I couldn't make up what she was wearing.  It just looked like a giant dirty rag.  She had shoes on at least,  no doubt she was homeless.  The bus started moving again but before the lady was completely out of sight she looked up through the bus window right to me.  Her mouth started moving but I couldn't make out what she was saying.  She pointed towards me as the bus moved out of her sight.  The experience sent a shiver down my spine.  What was that all about.  I wondered.  The bus stopped a block from where Clark's office was.  I got off and walked the block towards Clark's office.  I rang the bell outside his gate and waited for his secretary's voice on the intercom. 

"William Clark's office do you have an appointment?"

"Yea Judy it's me Chris, I need to talk to Clark"

"Okay Chris, come on in the gate is open."

So I walked past the gate and into the office.

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