Guide to Dating

In this article I am going to list the types fo girls that you do not want to date and I will also include the reason why at least I never get the right one. Now let it besaid first before you read on. This is not a generalization of every girl. there are many girls out there that do not fit into these situations. My intention here is not to offend only to warn you about the ones out there that these types do apply to. That being said read on.. enjoy or don't its all up to you.

Girl Type 1. The Golddigger. Now everyone knows what this girl is all about she wants your money. Problem is you can't always spot them right away, Its not like they pop out and slap you with a large fish. Some of these girls are actually really nice to you, they pay attention to you, but do not let on that they want your money. Some of them have even been known to offer to pay for their own food at dates and other social occasions. This is for 2 reasons. 1. she knows you have money and she knows that you will not make her pay for her own dinner(at least not if you want a chance in hell at every getting laid by her) and 2. Because she wants to lull you into a false sense of security. what i mean by this is you get comfortable with her thinking shes not a golddigger and then one day you come home from work and shes counting all of your money. Now you think you know why these girls are bad but you really do not know the half of it. A friend of mine no names, Met this girl. She showed an interest in him when he needed it most. He ended up dating her and she got him doing all the drugs that she loved to do and as a result he lost his business and ditched the bitch.
Moral of the story you won't only lose your money with the wrong girls and the wrong situation you could lose your life. Every cloud may have a silver lining but lightning kills thousands of people every year that go searching for it.

Girl Type 2. The Manic Depressive. Again these girls may not just jump out of the woodwork at you. although if you pay attention the warning signals will slap you across the face. First off these girls can be a ton of fun and if they are on medication for the affliction then you may never know how close you are to being axe murdered. Another friend of mine met what seemed to be a very nice girl in a bar on karaoke night. They chatted for awhile and  she asked him to dance and he said no (simply because if there were to be a contest for worst dancer in history he would beat Carleton Banks hands down), She got all upset and went into the bathroom and tried slashing her wrists. Now sadly my Friend like many guys has a bit of a messiah complex so he felt that he could "help" this girl. WRONG........WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG. If a girl is trying to slash her wrists in the bathroom of a karaoke bar, run away. run FAR FAR away.(oyu think that this is a no brainer but there are many guys that have the same feeling).

Fear: Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea.

Girl Type 3. The Janice Type. Anybody who has ever watched the show Friends knows who Janice is. Now I do not mean just girls like Janice. The Janice type is any girl that is compltely iritating and the sound of he voice makes you die iside just a little. This could be from many things, mabye this girl has an annoying laugh, or mabye she snorts, or mabye she does not know how to pronounce something or mabye she is stupid enough that you have to fake an anyeurysm to get out of a date with her because the day after Pierre Trudeau dies she does not know who Pierre Trudeau is.(Now I realise that any people reading this may not know who Pierre Trudeau is simply becasue not everyone reading this will be canadian or have any interest in canadian politics. But this incident Happened in Ottawa the capitol of Canada and the city where The Canadian government is housed. It would be like George bush Senior dying and someone in Washington D.C. the next day not knowing what all the fuss about this George Bush guy is) Now you may be asking yourself if the girl is that annoying why would a guy want to date her in the first place. its simple.
Beauty: If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core.

Men are fickle creatures and we can forgive almost any sin as long as the girl is hot enough.(Thankfully girls like this remind us very quickly how stupid we can also be at times).

Girl Type 4. The Internet Tech Suport Chick. This story is very personal to me. My Girlfriend Jess and I were on a Break(it lasted like 3 weeks) And one day I ended up having to call internet Tech support. There was a girl on the other end and in between the computer restarting and the troubleshooting we got the opportunity to chat a bit. Her name was Cynthia. About three days after the conversation, I got a call from Cynthia she wanted to know if I wanted to meet her for coffee sometime. I asked her how she got my number, she played up to my ego and told me that she thought I had sounded so nice on the phone and since I had mentioned the Jessica thing when we talked she knew I was "single" at least for the time being and she figured I wouldn't mind her looking my number up on her work database. I agreed thinking what could the harm be. she actually seemed really cool. She was nice, intelligent, she ended up being pretty attractive as well I figured this could be cool. So we decided to go to the movies later that week.

We went to the Mayfair(anyone from ottawa will know what theatre I am talking about) and saw a double bill of Blade and Resident Evil, it was pretty good and afterwards we went out for a beer. We agreed that we would meet again sometime but because of work I was not able to give a specific time.

After that Jess and I resumed our relationship and I thought nothing more of Cynthia. About a month and a half later Jess and I were walking down Rideau Street and we ran into Cynthia, she started right in on Jess "what the fuck are you doing with my boyfriend?" fortunately I had told Jess about Cynthia or this could have been a disaster."Tim is my boyfriend, he only went to the movies and coffee get over it" the chick attacked her and Jess decked her(I have never been so proud of any girl in my life)

About a week later Cynthia showed up at my apartment begging me tellng me she would forgive me for cheating on her and that we could work things out. I asked her how she had my address cause I had never told her.And again she said she looked it up in the database at work. I told her to get lost and leave me alone. And I called her work to complain knowing the privacy laws. They said that it was unnaceptable but I should have let them know the first time.  Two days later she started calling me at work. and dropping in. Eventually I had to get a restraining order put on her. And thankfully I have not heard from her since. 

Madness does not always howl. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "Hey, is there room in your head for one more?

Now as for me there is are 3 reasons I never get the girl that I truly want.
1. I am to shy to tell her how I feel, and am worried that I may get rejected. So I never bothereven asking(there is a girl I have known for several years and been practically head over heels in love with her but still to this day have not been able to get the nerve up to tell her).

2. I already had the girl of my dreams and I fucked it up hardcore(hindsight is always 20/20)

3. Julian. Yes thats right my "best friend"Julian every time I meet a girl that I am interested in and he is single (becasue we both have the same taste in girls) they end up going for him and not me.Now this is not only Julians fault look at reason 1. and as well Julian is more charismatic he's 6'2 with black hair so he has the whole Tall dark and Handsome thing going. Fortunately every time that has happened where the girl went for him it has ended horribly and he has said and i quote "I should have let you kep her" I don't know if thats Karma or just lifes sick joke.

God is a comedian Playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh. Voltaire

I decided to put this up as one of my first pieves of writing because mainly it gives the best insight into the type of person I am. Our experiences are what define us and make us who we are.  Needless to say the rest of my writing will be alot more for lack of a better word insightful.