The Mommy Letters - Chapter One

Chapter One

         August 27th began just like any of the past five hundred and twenty days. When the bedside alarm clock went off at precisely 6:30 in the morning, Sarah Hartsford, pretty, blonde, and rapidly closing in on 40, rolled over, yawned, and silenced the obnoxiously loud beeping she joked could wake the dead. Sitting up and pushing her hair back from her face, she thought about the morning ahead – breakfast for Elizabeth and Kathryn before rushing to Town Hall in time for her weekly staff meeting.

         Thinking of her two older daughters, Sarah had to smile. While they favored her in looks, they were completely their father’s children in activity. Sarah preferred diplomacy and words, but the girls, like their police officer father, preferred physicality and action. Both members of their school’s soccer team, they also held black belts in Tae Kwan Do. Thanks to their father’s diligent training, the girls were as good a shot as any officer in their small New England town.

         As she glanced again at her bedside table and the alarm that she’d just silenced, Sarah was jolted fully awake when the calendar reminded her that today was the first day of school. Knowing her daughters, they would still be in bed, capturing a last few moments of sleep before a busy day ahead. As she contemplated their first day of school, a thought surfaced that she’d been trying in vain to avoid. Today would have been Robin’s first day of school, too. Sarah thought back to how excited Elizabeth and Kathryn had been to finally start kindergarten, and felt a sharp pang at missing out on that experience with Robin.

         Pushing herself reluctantly from the bed where she slept alone, Sarah walked out of her room and down the hall to the large bedroom where her daughters were undoubtedly already awake…yet ready to feign sleep as soon as she opened the door.

         “Good morning, girls!” Sarah called out as she walked in. Just as she’d expected – groans and pillow-covered faces.

         “Mo-om. It’s way early. We need just five more minutes and then we’ll get up. Promise!” Elizabeth’s voice sounded amazingly awake despite her words to the contrary.

         “Come on, girls. First day of school! Butts outta bed – now!”

         More groans could be heard from the girls. Sarah could remember when they were younger and the first day of school was the most exciting thing in the world – boy, had times changed. Putting her hands on her hips, she tried again.

         “I mean it, girls. Elizabeth Anne! Kathryn Marie! You have thirty seconds to get up and start getting ready for school before I get you up myself!” To her own ears, Sarah sounded stern and motherly. Perhaps she’d struck just the right tone to get her daughters moving.

         Or not. Giggles could be heard from the teenagers who had once curled in her lap for their morning snuggles. Who were these kids? Where did the time go? Moving further into the room, she quickly came up with her plan of attack. So the girls wanted to cover their faces with their pillows – perfect. She’d just help them along.

         “Last chance, girls. Up and at ‘em. You need to shower and get downstairs or you won’t have time to eat anything before the bus gets here. Don’t you want breakfast? As soon as you hit the shower, I’ll put the pancakes on.”

         “Very funny, mom. When’s the last time you made pancakes? Do you even know where the griddle is anymore?” Kathryn’s voice held a note of teasing, but underneath, Sarah could hear resentment.

         “Yeah, mom. Very funny. You haven’t cooked for us in like a year. What gives this morning?” Elizabeth’s voice shook a bit as she spoke. Generally not one to engage in confrontation, she nonetheless could always be counted on to back up her sister’s opinion.

         “Can’t I want to make breakfast for my daughters? You’re right. I haven’t cooked much lately. But it’s just been so crazy between work and keeping all of your activities straight and, and…and Robin. Come on, guys. It’s the start of a new school year. You guys used to love school. I want for us to be a family again. You’ve got thirty minutes. Get up, get showered and get downstairs. I’ll have the pancakes ready and we’re all going to smile if it kills us. Understand?”

         “Ok, ok. I’m up. Lizzie, if I’m up, you better get moving, too.”

         “Go shower…I showered last night. I’ll help mom get the pancakes ready and do my hair later.”

         “Finally. Sensible daughters. I knew you had it in you! Come on, Elizabeth. Do you want chocolate chip or blueberry pancakes? I think we even have some whipped cream left. Katie, what do you want?”

*****

         Miraculously, the girls had gotten themselves ready to head for school, gulped down breakfast and even spent a bit of time chatting with their mom about their next soccer match before flying out the door forty-five minutes later just in time to catch the bus as it stopped at the corner.

         Sarah smiled at the outfits they had chosen for themselves for the first day of school. When they were younger, she and their father had made a huge production out of the first day of school, and every summer ended with a weekend shopping trip to Boston to pick out special new outfits and stock up on new clothes for the coming year. Although the girls had pushed back in recent years, and especially since the divorce, they’re really done it up in style this year. Only eighteen months apart, the girls had been confused for twins for many years, and often had matching outfits. Now, as high schoolers who wanted no part of outfits chosen by their mother, they seemed to subconsciously revert to matching outfits, especially on special occasions.

         She’d wondered if they would have placed as much significance on this day as she had, when thinking about missing out on Robin’s first day of kindergarten, and it seemed they had. Liz and Katie favored loose and flowing clothes in dark colors – she shuddered at the cargo pants they usually wore to school with shirts that seemed designed to defy their femininity. But today had been different. Liz had appeared for breakfast wearing a lovely yellow knee-length dress with delicate white flowers embroidered throughout. Yellow was Robin’s favorite color. Katie had sported an ankle-length flowing skirt in almost the same pattern as Lizzie’s dress, with a delicate white blouse with filmy cap sleeves that seemed to be made of the sheerest gauze grazing her arms. Robin would have called them “pretty princesses” like she always had when her beloved older sisters played dress-up with her. Should she hope that Robin was dressed just as prettily, wherever she was today?

         Sarah shook her head to clear this thought. Robin had been gone for so long and with so little clues left behind. Despite her instinct to spend the day dreaming about Robin, she knew she had to get herself in gear and maintain some semblance of normalcy by going to work and looking forward to time spent later on with Liz and Katie, hearing their tales of this year’s first day of school. Those two would be gone to college so soon that there weren’t many first days remaining.

         Looking at her messy kitchen, with chocolate chips strewn on the counter and drying batter dripped near the stove, Sarah decided the girls could clean up when they got home from school. If she didn’t start moving herself, she’d never make it to City Hall on time. And there was that damn staff meeting this morning. As much as she loved her position as a Selectman in Rockingham, she’d come to hate these weekly meetings, run by a pompous mayor whose goal in life seemed to be defeating anything that Sarah might suggest, spearhead or even support. If only the election had gone differently last year…but that was a dangerous path to start down this morning. If only Robin were here with bows to tie in her hair and a new outfit to model…but that was a dangerous path, too, and Sarah needed to be in tip-top shape this morning to prepare for whatever Mayor McWilliams might throw her way.

         Squaring her shoulders and refusing to look at the cluster of photos on the hutch as she strode from the kitchen and toward the back stairs, Sarah took a deep breath and headed upstairs to get herself ready. As she climbed the stairs, she saw that the grandfather clock on the landing at the top was getting ready to chime eight times. With staff starting at 9:30 and plenty to do before, her pace quickened as she firmly shut off her thoughts of the past and focused on the day to come. It had looked beautiful outside when the girls ran for the bus. If she focused on sunny skies and the pleasantly cool breeze, she could get through the day. She had just the perfect yellow suit to wear, too…to ensure Robin was a part of outfit, as well.

*****

         Pulling into the driveway later that evening in the sporty light-blue sedan she had purchased to be rid of all remnants of Robin’s father, Sarah thought of the earlier staff meeting with satisfaction. She’d had quite enough of the mayor’s put-downs and double-entendres to last a lifetime, but today had been different. Today they had made real progress in working towards finalizing next year’s budget, and through Sarah’s diligent planning, seemed to find a way to fit in various special projects that would help the community. By the end of the three-hour meeting, it seemed like Sarah had earned the approval of the mayor – grudgingly, of course. It was satisfying, at the end of the long day, to have received that phone call congratulating her on her efforts and wishing her a pleasant evening.

         As she climbed from her car and grabbed the bag of groceries that contained goodies for tonight’s dinner, she thought about how surprised the girls would be to get two home-cooked meals in one day. They were right – she hadn’t cooked much recently, but without having her entire family to share mealtimes with, it just hadn’t seemed worthwhile to make much effort. That was going to change, she decided. It wasn’t the same without Robin, and nothing in the world could replace having her home again, but she still had two daughters who needed her and that needed to be her focus going forward.

         With a smile on her face, she unlocked the front door and walked in, stooping to pick up the mail which had been poked through the slot. She continued into the kitchen, where she set the groceries on the counter and flipped quickly through the mail. She sorted as she flipped – bills in one pile, magazines for the girls in another, miscellaneous in a third. As she got to the bottom of the pile and a bright yellow envelope, she could hear the front door again opening as her daughters got home. Their voices seemed hushed, however, as she stared at the childish writing scrawled on the envelope and the single word above her address: Mommy.

         “Girls?” She called out. “Did you mail Mommy a card? Come in the kitchen, please. Let’s see what you sent me.” Her voice sounded whispery as she called to her daughters.

         “What are you talking about, Mom? We didn’t send you anything. Why would we mail you a letter – we live with you! Besides, mail is so out. We’d send you a text message if we needed something.” Kathryn finished her last sentence as she and Elizabeth entered the kitchen and Sarah opened the flap on the envelope, which hadn’t been sealed.

         Sarah pulled the single yellow sheet from inside the envelope and unfolding it, scanned quickly through its contents.

                   Dear Mommy,
                   Help me! Please don’t be mad at me. I’m scared.
                   Why can’t you find me? I miss you, Mommy.
                   Love,
                   Robin

          As she finished reading the brief message, she let out a gasp and stumbled forward. By the time her daughters reached her, all she could repeat was her youngest daughter’s name. It was a letter from Robin.