Torn Hearts and Crystal Tears

                   Torn Hearts & Crystal Tears
                                                 By AJ Peaslee

I roll over to feel nothing but cold air and a soft pillow. Nothing there. Why would there be? She isn’t by my side anymore. Sometimes it feels like it was long ago though, like I could roll over and drape my arm over her bare back. Nope, not like the movies where the hero gets the girl in the end. Movies glorify things that never happen….but that’s what dreams are. I roll over again and keep my mind closed, and try to sleep. My mind scrambles though. I can’t stop thinking about her. Its been like this for three weeks, and soon to be four. I want to tell her I still love her and I miss her so. I’m afraid I won’t hear the words back though….I don’t want to be sitting at a table all alone expressing my emotion with nothing to be said back. Deep inside I still have a secret passion for her, and if she doesn’t want me back, it will always stay a secret. Even when I’am 30 years old and have started a new life, I’am going to still hope that it might have been with her. I still have elaborate dreams, like flying through the clouds with her, and dancing on the ocean. I wanted to have my destiny lie with her own, but it doesn’t seem that way anymore. I’am so sick of feeling like I want to die, and I’am tired of hoping that I will……..

I picked up the phone and pressed the digits to her home, but hung up before I could even hear the first ring attempt. I hoped that I might get a call back by some slim chance…..but I realized that I wasn’t. Every time the phone rings my heart dances hoping that its her, hoping that it’s her saying I still love you. Then my heart drops to my stomach and sighs with disappointment. I stare at her picture constantly, crying and hating myself even more each time. I’am afraid that eventually she will be a whats-her-name when I pass her in the street…..I don’t want that…I want her to stay Sarah. Every time I hear that name I shake and my heart slams against the side of my chest, like its trying to tell me its angry with me.

I sat around the house, just sitting on the couch. Hours pass like days and my hunger grows, but I’am not in the mood for food. The phone rings and my heart jumps, but settles back down. It knows it is not going to be her….
I picked it up and heard a familiar voice say hello….it didn’t hit me yet, but my heart knew better….it knew who was on the other end…..it wanted to say so much……

I get to see her next week, for the first time in three. I can’t wait…my heart practically does the waltz in my chest….my mood settles back to normal and I can finally sleep again. I heard what I had hoped all along…..”I Love You.”
                                                                                          
Not yet the End.