Oh, To Be Lazy

I am the laziest person I know. I work my butt off to prove this isn't so and I think it's paying out for me. Nobody else seems to be aware of this particular malady. Laziness. I don't want to get up when the alarm clock rings, and I certainly don't want to wait tables all morning when I'd rather be sleeping. I don't want to go to my afternoon classes at the college. English Literature is not nearly as wonderful as I thought it would be and Sociology just plain sucks. I don't want to pick up my boyfriend from his mother's house, (he loves the free meal I give him at work) or call my own mother, or go to the clubs with our team of ‘friends' who are really just glorified drinking buddies who know how to dance. I don't want to wash my face, brush my teeth, wash a dish or vacuum. The list of the things I am just too plain lazy to handle is quite nearly endless.

Of course, I do all these things because if I don't, my secret will be out. Everyone will know that Alayna May Preston is lazy. It's really none of their business. Ideally, I would like to sit around on a beach somewhere along the French Riveria and sip whatever it is they sip there, and forget the job, and the education, and the life I lead. I wouldn't even mind sitting around the Hugh Hefner mansion but there's work involved in that. Work I don't think I'm interested in. It would be more waiting tables and hanging around with an entirely different group of drinking buddies—only we'd all be showing more skin. My boyfriend would love the freebies there much more than the greasy fries he currently gets, I'm sure.

It gives me an edge I like though—knowing this little secret about myself and no one having a clue. It's liberating in an odd way. It makes me a highly valued employee. I have the raises and the tips to prove it. This big show also makes me the ideal student. I listen attentively, take careful notes, and my study time is sacred. I'm the ideal daughter. And as for my endless abilities as a girlfriend, well if I were him, I'd be crazy for me too.

So, I'll continue on with my facade. I'll work at the restaurant, brush my teeth, comb my unruly hair, bathe, dust, vacuum, study, go out, be alive and eventually go on to do the same thing on a grander scale (since I'll have a degree and will undoubtedly be the best thing to hit the Fortune 500 since . . . hm . . .was sliced bread ever a component of the Fortune 500?). Anyway. I'll keep this up and no one will ever know that I am the laziest person on the planet.