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Chapter One-Realisation
She almost unconsciously hooked her hand round her neck chain and linked her fingers with the charm. She was thinking, thinking about the time when her friend got jealous because she was still good friends with her ex. She whispered out loud, to the wind perhaps.
“Forever. Ross and I share something no one else can ever share. Forever and ever it will be ours. Forever…”
And once again silence resumed. Forever. That one word can mean so much.
As she walked further the wind picked up. Her hair was blown round her face and, although she didn’t know it, she was one of the most special, beautiful things on earth.
The wind calmed. Once again there was a gentle breeze, and finally she let go of her chain. On it was the word “forever”. It was a “forever best friends” necklace but she knew there was a meaningful reason as to why she had chosen the “forever” part. She knew there was a meaningful reason for most things people did. It was physiological.
She turned to walk down the road that led to her house of twelve years. So much history, so many memories. Then she began to think of what life would be like if she chose what happened to her. She clutched her folder in her arms and dreams floated in her mind. But she came crashing back down to earth when she remembered. Remembered that holiday when she was eleven. That was something no one of any age should ever have to deal with, ever. She started screaming in her mind and from her arms her folder fell. She collapsed to the ground with heartbreaking desperate sobs. All she could do was let the tears come, because for not the first time in her life she didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t find a way out, an answer no matter how hard she tried. Logic couldn’t explain how she felt and why what happened, happened to her.
For what seemed hours she sat there and sobbed, tears first rolling, then streaming down her delicate cheeks. She gazed up and saw the big, grey clouds that covered part of the sky. And suddenly she realised that the sky was as angry as she was. Angry at other people, angry at the world. And she knew she wasn’t alone in her own messed up world.
Slowly she stood up and wiped the wet from her cheeks. Again she looked at the sky and felt that ache, that hole in her heart that could never be mended. She picked up her folder, and slowly, step by step, made her way home.
She was a very special girl. She was pretty, young, bubbly on the outside and inside she was intelligent, generous, kind and so caring. But deeper than that was a great mind. She could think of reasons for many things, for example she could tell why someone told so many lies. She was wise in her young age but nobody realised it. And that was what made her upset, amongst other things.
Alone on her bed, she wrote all her feelings in her diary. She knew it wouldn’t help much but she had to try. Day after day she went to school, and day after day nothing changed. There were some things she would hate to change but school life wasn’t one of them. All she wanted, all she had ever wanted was to be genuinely happy. And maybe one day that would happen. Maybe one day her life would be as perfect as she wanted.
All her life she had been known as the quiet one, the teacher’s pet, the one who always did as she was told, the list is endless. When were people going to realise she was her own person. She had her own opinions, her own thoughts. She was entirely unique. She had befallen some horrifying experiences in her short life but she was still as bubbly and as unique as ever. She lived for other people.
She sighed deeply. She cast her mind over the past three and a half years where she had met the best friends she knew she could ever have. Every memory she could remember replayed itself in her mind, and she smiled. Life may not be perfect but sometimes it was worth it. For the moment she was content.
After yet another bad day at school she went to the playroom. This was her room, the place she always when she wanted to be alone. If you had a special camera you could see all her memories floating round, not trying or wanting to get out, and the stains on the carpet where her tears had fallen.
One by one her tears fell to the floor until there was a steady torrent of salty tears running down her face. She cried uncontrollably for what seemed ages before wiping her tears away. She knew crying never helped, but to her it seemed to take some of that anger away. She appreciated that. It was one of the only things that still made sense although logic itself could not say that it did.
She woke up the next day to a gorgeous spring morning. It made her feel happier. She loved the outdoors. Not when it was wet and miserable and wintry with no life, but when it was full of colour and life. New life and the joy that it brings.


Chapter Two-But What Can I Do?
She walked away from her friends. She just needed to be alone. As she walked she crossed her arms: the number one sign of insecurity. She knew this but she didn’t know why she did it. She didn’t understand herself. This was an issue for her: if she didn’t understand herself how could she understand others? The thing was she understood others better than herself and that scared and worried her.
She walked further and saw her friends following her. She began running and it felt like she was leaving all the worry and anxiety behind. She carried on running; it just felt so good. She stopped running to climb a tree. Her tree. Her mind was everywhere. Her thoughts dotted from memory to theory. Eventually she returned to her friends after coming to no conclusion. However hard she thought, she could not find what she was looking for.
For the second time that day she had to run away, From what she did not know. All she knew was that she had to run. She felt so lost, so messed up. She sat down in the middle of the wood and started to cry yet again. But this time it was silent, full of sadness. She felt empty, hollow inside. She began wondering what she had to live for. She knew she would never kill herself but it didn’t stop her thinking about what in her life was enough no make her happy. If every time she was happy something happened to make her feel sad and alone what was the point?
“I mustn’t think like this” she whispered to herself and any and everything that was listening. She stood and slowly walked to the comforting warmth of her home. She sat there and thought again and again about nothing. All she felt was a hollow space within her. She couldn’t help it. Again she tried to write how she felt in her diary but this time it didn’t help at all. She leaned back and silently cried herself to sleep. Her friends weren’t much help here: they were who she was running from, And she still didn’t understand why.
The next day she woke up feeling okay. Not perfect but slightly better. She knew she owed her friends an apology for running off the day before but she didn’t know what to say: how to explain. It would mean telling them how she felt and that wads something she found hard. She didn’t know why she couldn’t talk about how she felt and her emotions, One of her theories was that she found it difficult to talk about her emotions because once you says something you can’t take it back and she was scared that she might say something that she didn’t want anyone else to know. It was private: it was hers. She needed something that was hers that no one could take from her. Something that no one could ever take from her.
When she saw her friends Kez, Ross, Chloe and Vikki she ran up and gave Kez a massive hug. Then she gave Ross one. It was her way of apologising. That way no explanation was needed and she showed she was sorry for what happened. It didn’t matter how many times she felt depressed and alone she knew she would always have her friends. Her true friends who didn’t always show it but loved her so much. Knowing that made her happy but sometimes it didn’t seem enough. Sometimes she began to think that having friends like that wasn’t worth the pain of the rest of her life. But always her mind was turned. In return for them loving her she remained her unique self and loved them as much as she loved her parents. Words could not describe how she felt when she was with her friends and happy. When she was happy her eyes lit up and danced, and her smile was like an angels. When you saw her like that it made you feel special. Because she hid her feelings so well she seemed happy most of the time but when she was truly happy it showed. Just because she was confused sometimes doesn’t mean she wasn’t happy. That was what was most important: her happiness. And despite everything she was happy. What broke her heart more than anything was to walk away from the place and people she loved the most. The ones she knew she would never forget. She knew it was there always deep inside her but that didn’t stop being away from it breaking her heart again and again. It was a love like no other.
She sat in the sofa and gazed into space. A smile broke her lips. In her mind she pictured everything that made her the most happy, every memory that had created this ecstasy.
Outside was a clear blue sky. It was dusk and only on one side of the house was a blazing red, orange and pink sky. It reminded her of the beauty, and the wonder of the world. This was the sort of stuff she always thought about. Again and again she was lost in the nature of her surroundings. Summer was definitely her favourite season. Spring was not as definite because that is when new life is born but also when the essence of summer cannot be found. Winter and autumn are dark and more depressing except when the leaves fall and snow comes. Summer is when everything blossoms and the days are long.

*A/N: not complete*