I Wonder...?

                                                                                                    6-5-07


I wonder where I went wrong?
Once upon a time, I loved you
Cause you were the only father I had

I wonder what happened to us?
It used to be just you and me, together til the end
Surely, you must have loved me

But we've drifted so far
That is to say, you threw me away
Can't believe I loved you

What made you detest me so?
I can't stand to see the hate and disgust in your eyes
So I just stare at the floor

I wonder if you ever loved me?
You never showed it
I never heard you say it

I wonder what it was that made you that way?
What could make you shut me out
And leave me cold?

All I ever wanted was to be loved
Was that too much to ask?
Why must I always pay the price for your mistakes?

Once, a long, long time ago
There was a part of me
That believed you actually wanted me

I wonder why I'm not good enough?
I'm sorry I couldn't be
The son you always wanted

I know your precious son died
And you wish it had been me instead
I'm sorry I couldn't measure up



Am I so repulsive to you?
What must I do to satisfy you?
Will I always be second-best
To the ghost of a brother I never met?




I wonder...will I ever be good enough?