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Rated: 18+ · Other · Drama · #1291094
A story a wrote a few years ago... looking for some critiquing
I watched my little brother chase my little sister around the house. “I’m leaving now…watch your brothers and sisters” my mom demanded slamming the house door shut without even saying ‘goodbye’ to me.


Josh- is my older brother he is 17, almost 18. But were both in our Junior year in high school because he stood back in 8th grade.
Ange- I’m Ange, Ijust turned 17 years old, I’m the oldest girl of my family
Emma- who's Nickname is Em. She's 12.
Zack- was the trouble kid…he was in the hospital for 2 months after he was born because he had open-heart surgery. He's 8 now
Nicki and Nathan are twins, they’re both 3.

“Josh” I yelled to my older Brother, who was in his bedroom watching the baseball game with our little brother Zack. “Can you watch the kids for an hour or two?” I yelled walking into his room, to find his bed empty. “JOSH” I yelled looking around the apartment. “I'm in the bathroom!” he yelled from behind the door. “Can you-“ I was interrupted, before I could finish. “YES” he yelled to me. A smile appeared across my face and I ran to the house door. It was about 10pm. I started to walk to the park, where my “Crew” hung out. The Park was named, “The Loke”. The Loke was about 2 blocks from my apartment, the neighborhood in which we lived in, was known as the Slum of the city, Boston Ma. The park was beginning to appear and I could see a group of teenagers sitting under the trees, where the picnic Table and benches were. “Ange” a girls voice screeched. I could see my younger cousin running in my direction. “Vicki” I yelled mocking her. She slowed to a walk, “Kamrons Here” she said smiling. Kamron was a boy who I had been “Talking” to, and we were almost dating. As I approached the group, I saw all familiar faces. “Ange is here” Someone whispered to Kamron. “He looked up and saw me. His face lit up, and he stood. Everyone who had hung out at the Loke knew that Kamron and Ange were “Almost an item”.
“Hey Baby Doll” he said stepping closer to me and wrapping his big muscular arms around me. He smelled so good! He was wearing his baggy blue jeans, and a tight black wife beater, he was wearing a backwards black hat. “Hey” I said back to him. As he pulled away I looked at all my friends who were sitting, some smoking cigarettes, others smoking weed. We weren’t a gang, nor were we trouble makers, we were just a group of teens who liked to hang out. Kamron grabbed my hand and pulled me to the picnic table, I couldn’t help but stare into his eyes, he had bluish-greenish eyes. He smiled a little and lifted me up to sit on top of the table top. ”Hey Hun” a familiar voice said from behind me. I turned to see Billy. Billy was my ex boyfriend, who I had lost my virginity to, we had dated almost 9 months. “Hey” I said not showing too much interest in him. Kamron sat beside me and put his arm around me. As I sat there Billy passed me a joint and I took a hit of it, and then passed it to Kamron, wh0 doubled it, and passed it to Vicki. There wasn’t many people at the Loke tonight, just Kamron, Vicki, Billy, Chester, Mark, and Me. The park was dark, but the dimmed streetlight shining through the trees gave us just enough light to see each other. We all talked, chilled and smoked till around midnight then Kamron walked Vicki and I home. Vicki lived up the street from me, so we passed my house on the way to hers. We watched her walk in, then he grabbed hold of my hand and walked me to my house.
“Kamron?” I asked as we were approaching my house. “Yeah baby?” he answered stopping and leaning against the fence to my yard. “If I like you… and you like me, then why wont you ask me out?” I watched his facial expressions. Nothing. “I will… when im ready” he said not changing his expression. I must have looked sad, because he grabbed me and held me tightly. “Angel… I really like you” he said grabbing my face to make me look into his eyes. “Its just… ive heard some things around school about you, and I wanna get to know you good before I commit to you” my jaw almost dropped. “People talk about me?” I asked almost in shock. “Well… you sorta have a rep of cheating, and I don’t wanna get hurt” I had cheated on a few boys. “Are you serious?” I said getting totally pissed off. “Yeah” he said calmly. “Whatever” I said storming away from him. “Angel!” he yelled after me. I turned around “What!” I yelled. “You know I like you!” I knew…. But I was pissed off. “No you don’t!” I yelled turning and walking into my house. Josh was standing up next to the house door as I pulled it open. “What!” I yelled. “tell me that’s not Kamron Hynes!!” he yelled angrily. “Josh, im not in the mood… Just get away from me” I yelled pushing him as I walked past him. “Angel!” he screamed grabbing me by my hair. “don’t Fuckin touch me!” I screamed swinging my fists to his face. “IS IT KAMRON HYNES!?” he yelled. We were standing within inches apart, and I could tell this was a protection issue. “Yes!” I yelled waiting for his response. Josh looked at me, and I could see the anger in his eyes, and within seconds he slammed his fist into the house door, then pulled it open and ran down the stairs!. “JOSH!” I yelled chasing him down the stairs. “Get back in the house” he yelled slamming the gate shut so fast that it slammed me in the stomach.
Josh was screaming swears and yelling. I could see Kamron. Kamron and him came face to face and Josh slammed his fist in Kamrons face, before Kamron even knew what was happening. Josh jumped on top of him and started an endless parade of punches to his face. Kamron was laying on the ground trying to block the punches unsuccessfully. I hadn’t realized it yet, but I was screaming and crying for Josh to stop. Finally Kamron yelled and flung Josh off him. Kamron and Josh had the same body size and were about the same height, Kamron was a little taller, but Josh had more muscles than Kamron. Kamron swung his fist and got Josh in the face. I couldn’t stand it anymore, I jumped over the closed gate that had been holding me back. I grabbed Kamron and did my best to pull him away from my brother. As I restrained him the best I could I pulled his arms behind his back and held him back. Before I could let go of Kamron, Josh gave him a good punch to the stomach. Kamron dropped to the floor coughing. “Get up!” Josh was screaming into his face. “Stop” I was screaming. I felt awful, for restraining Kamron. Josh started to walk away, but with that he turned around and yelled into his ear. “And stay the fuck away from my sister!” he grabbed me by the sleeve and pulled me with him back to the house.
When we got into the yard and in front of the door to upstairs, I looked at Josh’s face. He looked to satisfied with himself. “I hate you” I yelled smacking him in the face as hard as I could. He released his grip on my sleeve and I ripped away form him and ran as fast as I could back to Kamron, who was beginning to stand up. He saw me running and pulled himself up. “I’m sorry” I said wrapping my arms around him. He put his arms around me. “I don’t think your bro9ther likes me” he said half laughing. “I’m Sorry!” I said beginning to cry. “ANGEL LYN” Josh yelled slamming the gate to the house, “Get your ass into this house, before I beat your ass… im not even playing” he was red as an apple, and his hair line was ripping with sweat. He had blood pouring from his lipring. “ANGEL… NOW!” he yelled taking a step toward me.
Not knowing what to do I ran. I didn’t know where iw as going, and I didn’t care, I was scared of Josh, and I didndt want to be alone with him right now. As I turned the corner of the block, I could hear footsteps behind me, I slowed to a jog and looked back, expecting to see Kamron. As I turned, I was tackled by Josh. I screamed in shock, and I was surprise hit with a smack in the face. “What the fuck” I screamed I kicked him off me and jumped to my feet I jumped on him, tackling him to the grass and began punching him. “You little bitch” he said throwing me off him, he stood and came to me, he ripped me off the ground and pulled me back towards the house, I was screaming and crying, and I couldn’t even walk straight. “I Fuckin hate you” I screamed. All of a sudden Josh let go of me and I looked over to see Kamron throwing Josh into a parked car. “Ohh my God” I yelled dtropping to the ground. Josh jumped off the car and clotheslined Kamron and began beating him with his fist. I began to hear sirens. “Ohh Shit” Josh said jumping up. “Common” he said grabbing me off the ground and running with me into our yard. Kamron was still on the ground. “Josh, get him in the house, or you’ll both get arrested. Josh looked at Kamron, then me, then back to Kamron. “UGhhhh” he yelled. We both ran to Kamron, and began dragging him toward our house. “As we got to our gate he started to stand and I helped him into the yard. We al ran to the front door and as we closed the door and were standing in the entrey way a bright spot light shined at our house, with blue light flashing. “SHhhh” Josh said covering my mouth, and muffeling my cries. The cops drove past and Josh heanded up the stairs, I followed, and I grabbed Kamrons shirt. We were all a mess.
Josh opened the door to Nicki and Nathen crying hysterical. “Shhh” Josh said picking up nathen. I Grabbed Nicki and lifted her in my arms. “Common Guys” Josh said walking with Nathen to there bed which happened to be in the dining room. “Calm down” Josh said sitting on the edge of the bed with nathen cradled in his arms. “Where were you?” Nicki asked crying. “I was right outside hunny” I said laying her down.
Josh and me waited a good 20 minutes until both fell back to sleep then josh disappeared into the bathroom. I grabbed Kamron and pulled him into my bedroom, in which I shared with my 12 year old sister, Emma. She was asleep on her bed, ontop of a book. I closed the door behind Kamron and he kissed me. “I'm so sorry” I said again, not knowing what else to say. “I better go,” he said grabbing my hand. “No… let me clean you up first” I heard the bathroom door open then I heard Josh’s bedroom door slam shut. “Common” I said, I pulled him to the bathroom. Our bathroom was small and couldn’t only fit 3 people the most. I began to wet a facecloth, while I was pushed into the door. “Ange, I want you” Kamron said pinning me into the bathroom door. I Smiled and kissed him. “I wanna have sex with you” he said kissing me. “Not now” I said laughing. “Common” he begged. “Tomorrow” I said laughing. I used the facecloth to clean up his bloody lip and his bleeding eyebrow ring, he had scrapes along his cheekbones and his knuckles were bloody. I cleaned him up the best I could. “Look at you?” he said grabbing the wet facecloth. I looked into the mirror and I saw I had a black and blue eye, and a bloody lip. “Ohh My God” I said looking at my ugly reflection. “Come here” he said cleaning up my face. He kissed me several times then he looked at the time on his cel phone and decided it was time for him to go. “What time is it?” I asked. “1:22” he said laughing. “Sleep here” I said grabbing at his belt. “Where!?” he asked laughing. “My Bed” I smiled. “Sleep at my house, and tomorrow ill get my brothers car and we can go out for breakfast”. Tomorrow was a Saturday, so I decided to go along with it. “Okay” I said opening the bathroom door. Josh was sitting on the edge of the twins bed waiting to get into the bathroom.
His face was just as bad as Kamrons. “Ohh my God Ange” he said grabbing my face. “I'm sorry” he said looking me in the eyes. “Okay!” I said cockily. I entered my room and grabbed a change of clothes, and my cell phone charger. “Ready?” he asked. “Yeah” I said grabbing his hand and following him towards the front door. We walked out of the house and toward the street. I knew Josh wasn’t gonna come after us.
We walked past the Loke and across the street to Kamrons house, he lived in a shabby house like mine. There was many car parked infront of the house. “Dotn be over whelmed with my Mom, shes a little out there” he warned me. I nodded, without facial expression. He pushed open the door and we traveled up to the third foor, I could hear loud music. He grabbed my hand and pushed open the front door into the house, and I could see people everywhere. There were adults hanging all over eachother, and I could smell marijuana strong. “Here kiddo” someone said handing Kamron an unopened beer. “Want one?” he asked. “Sure” I said up for anything. “A Butch… grab me another one” a big bulky man tossed Kamron another beer and he pulled me to the other side of the house, I was squeezing Kamorns hand tightly. “Ma!” Kamron yelled. A lady a little taller than me came from the kitchen. “Hunny” she said hanging onto Kamrons neck. She was obviously trashed. “Ma… this is Angel” he said pointing to me. “Hey” I said not knowing what to say. “Hey… arnt you Bettys little girl?” Kamron loked at me. “No” I replied. “Ohh.. say Kamron, if you need a condom, there under my bed… you know!” she slurred laughing. She pushed through us and stumbled back into the parlor. Kamron angrily pushed through people to a room which I assumed was his own. We walked into a room piled with 5 or6 teenagers. “Jay” Kamron yelled. “I'm using the car tomorrow” a tall handsome boy stood up, “What yo?” he asked, cocked out of his mind, and stoned beyond belief. “Give me your keys” Kamron said walking into the room and grabbing a set of keys on the bureau. “I'm using the car tomorrow” Kamron announced. “OKAYYYyyyy” Jay said walking back to his spot on the bed. Teens were all about the room, smoking and drinking. “Common” he said pulling me to the last room. He pulled out a set of keys from his pocket and unlocked the door. He pushed it open and pulled me in. It was a pretty large room with a queen size water bed. It was a dark room. Even with the light on.
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