Second Chances

Second Chances

It was all over after only two days.  Ray looked down at the still form of his precious little girl.  Less than forty-eight hours ago, Sara had been the bubbly, energetic three-year old who never failed to squeal with joy every time daddy came through the door on the way home from work.  That would never happen again.  Sara had taken her last breath just moments before, her tiny body finally unable to function after the massive injuries it sustained in the tragic car wreck that changed their lives forever.  As Nancy sobbed uncontrollably at the realization that her only child was gone, Ray was numb with shock and disbelief, finding it impossible to accept.  Yet accept it he would, in time.  There was simply no other alternative.

Dr. Owens silently left the room with a grave face, giving them some moments of privacy to say their goodbyes to their daughter.  To Ray it felt completely unreal.  There was a part of him that waited for the nightmare to end, sure that such a horrible thing couldn’t actually be happening.  Another, more rational part of him wondered how he could be expected to find closure in a few minutes.  Nancy was holding on to Sara’s body so tightly that one of the needles in her arm came loose, letting a trickle of blood stain the white hospital sheets and Nancy’s own blouse.  For a long moment, she stayed that way, as if there were some way she could impart the mother’s gift of life to her little one a second time.  Against all reason, Ray willed with all his heart that she could, and for a few moments still hope lived...

Two weeks’ passing after Sara’s death had done remarkably little for their pain.  If anything, Ray was much worse off now than the very day his little girl died.  Numbness had given way to pain, wave after wave of relentless and abundant pain.  He managed to function though, at times relishing the chance to throw himself into any trivial task to distract him from his loss.  Every now and then he was even able to lie and almost smile when the more insensitive of his acquaintances asked him if he was feeling any better.  On the other hand, Nancy didn’t so much as try to give the impression that she was the least bit better.  It was all that Ray could do to get her out of bed and out of the house minimally presentable.  Ray had no idea why Dr. Owens asked them to come to his office that afternoon, but he was sure that anything would be better for Nancy than staying in bed feeding her depression.  Soon the time would come when Ray would change his mind about that.

Once inside the office, Dr. Owens invited both of them to have a seat.  Ray noticed that the doctor locked the door to his office before moving to take a seat himself behind his clean and modern desk.  It was an odd thing for him to do, and if Ray’s memory served him it was the first time Dr. Owens had ever locked his office door while they were inside.  Whatever his reasons for doing it, Ray took it as a bad sign.  After they were all seated, Dr. Owens clasped his hands together on top of his desk and furrowed his brow.  He had the look of a man who had something important to say, but wasn’t quite sure how to begin. 

‘Ray, Nancy, thank you for coming today.  I can only imagine how difficult it must be to cope with your recent loss.’

Ray nodded.  Nancy regarded the doctor with a faraway look, tears beginning to make their way down the familiar pathways of her face.

‘I’ve asked you here because I feel it is my duty to do everything in my power to aid you.  I am a healer.  Sometimes in the medical profession we focus so much on patching up the body that we can forget the wounds of the soul.’

Ray wasn’t sure he liked where this was headed.  This little speech sounded more like something a preacher would say, not their family doctor.  Well, they already had a preacher.  And Dr. Owens wasn’t close enough to them to offer the comfort only a friend can provide.

‘Forgive me doctor, but there’s really nothing you can do for us now.’

Dr. Owens smiled in a warm, understanding gesture.

‘Of course I have no way to bring Sara back.  For all our technology there are some secrets that God has chosen to keep for Himself.  But there is something I can offer you.  A gift.  If you choose to receive it.’

Ray sat in stunned silence.  He understood now what this was all about, and it infuriated him.  Still, for the moment he was frozen, seemingly unable to react.  He saw what was coming, but felt that he had no choice but to wait for it, just as he was powerless to stop the out of control vehicle from running Sara down two weeks before.  Dread mixed with the rage inside as Dr. Owens passed a small envelope across the top of his desk towards Nancy, who picked it up and gave him a puzzled look.

Dr. Owens gestured at the white envelope in Nancy’s hand.  ‘Please, open it.’

Obediently Nancy opened the sealed envelope.  Ray knew what would be revealed even before the seal was broken.  Unfortunately he was right.  A color photo of Sara spilled out to the desktop.  Sara’s smile in the photo was the perfect, genuine smile that had filled his heart so many times.  He felt his heart skip a beat now in spite of his knowledge that this wasn’t real.  The girl in the photo wasn’t Sara.  Dr. Owens continued to ignore Ray, clearly directing his every word at the mother.  It was just like the typical sales pitch Ray had read about, but had never dreamed he would hear in person.

‘Technology lets us do wonderful things these days.  What a waste it would be if we weren’t allowed to use it to help ease suffering.  I believe in doing everything I can to comfort those in need.’

Dr. Owens reached for the photo and held it up for Nancy to see.  He pointed to the time stamp in the corner.

‘As you can see, this picture was taken yesterday.  Nancy, this little girl isn’t your Sara.  But she needs a mother’s love as much as any other child does.’

There was more to the pitch, Ray was sure of it.  And it consisted purely of emotional manipulation.  The child was an insurance policy, created on the off chance that something might happen to their daughter.  In spite of the odds, that’s exactly what happened.  The girl in the photo was Sara’s clone.  An international ban on human cloning had been in place for well over forty years now, but that didn’t stop unethical monsters like their own Dr. Owens from turning to it to add to their wallets when the opportunity presented itself.  The practice, called predatory cloning, was still relatively rare as far as anyone knew but had been around for a long time.  Samples taken from infant tissue, typically while still in the womb, were used to raise a clone of the baby, which was then usually kept from the knowledge of the parents unless and until something happened to the real child within a few years of birth.  It was a gamble, but the payoff could be big.  Targeted families invariably were wealthy.  Ray and Nancy weren’t terribly well off, but Ray came from money.  And Dr. Owens knew it.  Ray recalled that there was some speculation that some involved in the scam actually arranged for the untimely deaths of the cloned children, but no solid evidence had been found to back it up.  He wondered if Dr. Owens would be capable of such a thing, but his attention soon turned to the picture in the doctor’s hand.

The photo was powerful.  Ray felt himself drawn to it, a part of him wanting to see the girl more than he’s wanted anything else.  He knew that Nancy felt it even more, and that’s why he couldn’t let this go on any further.  There was a hook these charlatans used, and he had to stop this mess before Nancy was exposed to it.  Ray stood up.  He grabbed the photo from Dr. Owens and threw it to the floor.

‘You shut up!  Not one more word.  Do you understand me?’

Ray punctuated each statement by jabbing his finger through the air towards the man who was their family doctor until today.  Dr. Owens didn’t seem surprised.  He nodded in response to Ray’s question, but he actually had a confident air about him.  He still thinks he’s got us.  Ray became even angrier.

‘How dare you take advantage of our grief!  When we leave this office, we’ll be going straight to the police.’

Dr. Owens offered a patronizing smile.

‘Come on Ray.  Police need evidence.  Besides, I’m sure you know as well as I do what would happen to the...’

Ray stepped forward and punched Dr. Owens hard, knocking the older man to the floor.

‘I said shut up!  Do you understand now?’

The doctor rose slowly, blood beginning to flow from his nose in a steady trickle.  He sat down in his office chair once again and fixed his gaze on Nancy.  For her part, Nancy was at a loss to know just how to react.  Ray could see the confusion, the struggle, in every line of her face.

‘Your career is over.  Nancy, we’re leaving.’

Ray took Nancy by the hand and pulled her behind him to the office door, a little too roughly.  He fumbled with the lock for a few seconds before storming out, his wife in tow.  Dr. Owens kept silent, maybe afraid that Ray would hit him again, or do something worse.  Ray hoped so.  It was all he could do to keep from going back anyway to teach the man a lesson.  He was outraged, and underneath the anger he felt violated.  Few things in his life were more sacred than Sara (than Sara used to be), and what Dr. Owens had done threw salt in a wound that was fresh and deep.

Lost in his thoughts, Ray functioned almost on automatic pilot, driving without any conscious thought.  Nancy’s voice brought him back to reality.

‘Where are we going?’

Ray answered with irritation.  ‘We’re going to the police station, just like I said.’

Nancy replied in a soft voice, almost too soft to hear.

‘Take me home Ray.  We need to talk.’

Ray jerked his head as if he’d been slapped.  When he looked over at his wife he noticed for the first time the photo she held in her lap.  For the second time today, Ray’s heart skipped a beat as he saw Sara’s radiant smile.  Nancy must have picked the photo up off the floor and taken it with her.  He had been too angry to notice.  Well, he was finally paying attention.  Quickly, Ray decided that the police could wait.  Nancy was more important.  He slowed the car, looking for a place to turn around.

‘OK honey.  Let’s go home.’

He wanted to say more, but it would be better to wait until they got home, where he could think without distraction.  With some difficulty he forced himself to hold his tongue while they traveled the short distance to their house.  Nancy spent most of that time staring at the photo of the girl who wasn’t Sara.  It wasn’t healthy, but there was nothing for it.  Trying to take the picture away from his wife now would be a major mistake.  Ray tried to quell his anxiety, thinking that if all went well, Nancy herself would throw it away soon.

Soon, they were at home, seated at the kitchen table that had been the scene of many a discussion turned into a disagreement turned into an all out fight.  Ray hoped it wouldn’t come to that this time.  He thought it wise to hear Nancy out first.

‘What’s on your mind?’

Nancy met his question with a look of amazement and contempt, mixed together in a way that immediately erased the remnants of the anger kindled in the doctor’s office.  That anger was replaced by a nervous anxiety.  Ray realized he would have to handle this very carefully.

‘Ray, what do you think is on my mind?  What have you been thinking about ever since the accident?’

Neither of them could manage to talk about Sara’s death.  They always referred to it as the accident.  It was a spontaneous euphemism that both adhered to religiously.  Ray wasn’t sure who had started doing it, but it had taken hold fast. 

Ray took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.  ‘I’m sorry honey.  I know it was a stupid question.  This is just all so hard to deal with.  I wasn’t sure how to ask.’

Nancy nodded, then looked down at the photo she still held in both hands.  After a few moments, she put it on the table and slid it towards her husband.  Tears began to stream down her face.

‘I don’t think I can say no to this.  I just can’t.’

He slid from his chair and stood behind her, caressing her shoulders.  He made his voice as calm and understanding as he could.

‘I feel it too.  My heart is telling me the same thing... but my head tells me it isn’t right.  That’s not a photo of our Sara.  Even Dr. Owens admits it.  It’s a photo of a lab experiment, a soulless shell.  You know it’s an abomination.’

‘She’s just a little girl.’

‘No, it’s something else.  Something unnatural.  If we condone this in any way, we’ll be offending God.’

It was Nancy’s turn to stand up, her anger flaring.

‘Well he offended us first!  Where was God when Sara got hit by that car?  Where was God when she lay dying in the hospital?  I prayed and prayed and prayed, like I never have before.  Ever!  But she’s gone anyway.’

It was the first time Nancy had been so frank about Sara’s death.

‘People... children die every day.  You never blamed God before.  There’s nothing special about us that we deserve to live without the same problems that other people face.  This test is tougher than most, but we can get through it, with God’s help.’

Nancy let out a semi-hysterical laugh.  ‘Test?  If this is a test, then I fail.  It’s too hard.  I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is.  Ray, have you thought for a second what will happen to this girl if we don’t take her in?’

That was the hook.  Ray sighed, determined to keep trying but afraid that he was wasting his breath.  Of course the clone would be destroyed if they didn’t accept it.  Clones were as expensive to maintain as real humans, and this one would be indisputable evidence of the scam.  Ray had stopped Dr. Owens from making this point, but Nancy was an intelligent woman.  He should have known from the start that she would figure it out on her own.

‘The same thing that would have happened if Sara never had the accident.’

There were a few cases that Ray knew of where a clone had been discovered for what it was.  In those cases, the clone had not been afforded all civil rights, but they weren’t destroyed either.  Some argued that allowing them to live was a mistake.  Ray tended to agree with them.

‘But she did Ray, and there wasn’t a thing we could do about it.  Now the life of this other girl is in our hands.  It’s our choice, our responsibility.’

‘We do have a responsibility here, to God.  To do what’s right.’

The doorbell rang.  Nancy held her tongue, but didn’t move to answer the door either.  Ray could tell that she was getting irritated with him, so the unexpected interruption wasn’t entirely unwelcome.  He went to the front door and opened it.  It was his father.

‘Dad!  Come on in.’

Ray was doing his best to act like nothing was out of the ordinary, but as his father returned his greeting and moved inside, he could tell that Nancy wasn’t making a similar effort.  Maybe that wasn’t a bad thing.  He desperately needed an ally to help turn Nancy around.  His dad was a good Christian, though certainly it wasn’t something he wore on his sleeve.  They had never discussed cloning specifically, but their various pastors over the years had always condemned the practice.

‘Have I come at a bad time?’

Nancy sighed.  ‘It’s OK, Gene.  My life is one long bad time right now.  Please sit down.’

Unsure, Gene didn’t move, genuine concern evident in the lines of his face.  Ray was suddenly very glad that Nancy sincerely liked her father-in-law. 

‘If you’d rather be alone, I understand.  I’d be the last one to want to add to your problems right now.’

Nancy shot Ray a look that he correctly interpreted as her attempt to point out someone in the room who was adding to her problems.  He ignored her, keeping quiet for the moment.

‘It’s OK.  Really.’

Gene accepted, then walked over to the kitchen table and pulled out a chair.  The tendency to avoid the more comfortable furniture in the living room was a family trait, one that had slipped Nancy’s mind until just now.  Ray saw his chance materialize as his father gently lifted the photo of the clone from the tabletop.  Gene’s eyes began to well-up, and Nancy sat down near him.  The older man caressed the photo lightly, reverently.

‘It’s a terrible thing for a parent to have to bury a child.  Unnatural.’  Gene paused for a few seconds, the emotion getting to him.  ‘She was so beautiful.’

Ray laid a hand lightly on Gene’s shoulder.

‘That’s not your granddaughter.’

Gene looked up at Ray and furrowed his brow, misunderstanding.  ‘Well of course it’s just a picture.’

Ray shook his head. 

‘That’s not what I meant.’

He pointed to the time stamp in much the same way that Dr. Owens had earlier that day.  The confused look remained on his father’s face for about a minute or so, then finally Gene’s expression changed to worry.  He buried his face in his hands for a long, silent minute.  When he looked up again Gene seemed to have aged another five years.

‘Your doctor gave this to you?’

Ray gave a hysterical smile.  ‘He made us the offer of a lifetime.  Our very own clone, tailor-made for our little family.  He didn’t mention the price, but I’m sure he’d be willing to give us a real deal too.  Hey, maybe there’s a sale!’

No one was amused, including Ray.  Nancy started to sob again, and immediately he wished he could take the words back.  He moved towards her, instinctively trying to give comfort.

‘Honey I didn’t mean...’

She interrupted, and backed away.  ‘Stop!  Just stop.’

Ray stopped, feeling awkward.  Gene’s eyes met Nancy’s.  He spoke tenderly to his daughter-in-law.

‘This child is three years old.  She has memories.  If she’s anything like Sara, she’s a little chatterbox too.  Have you thought about what you would tell her?  Have you thought about would she might tell a neighbor, or a friend?’

It wasn’t the reason that Ray had for rejecting the doctor’s proposal, but maybe his dad was on to something here.  He could tell that Nancy hadn’t thought about the specifics.  She really hadn’t had time to digest it all yet.  For that matter, neither had he.  Ray was quite surprised that his own father thought of such practical matters so soon after finding out.

‘If you go through with this, you’d better be good and ready.  You’ll come to love this girl, sooner or later as much as Sara.  Eventually more.  And you’ll worry every day that someone will find out the truth.  They’d take her away from you.  You know that, right?  They’d make you go through all the pain again, maybe even worse.  But no matter how much you worry, how much you suffer inside, you can’t talk about it.  It’s the most important secret of your life.’

Ray shifted his weight uncomfortably to his other foot.

‘Son, you know that when you were a few months old, you came down with a high fever and almost died.  Do you remember?’

Ray’s voice was barely a whisper.  ‘I remember.’

‘God rest her soul, your mother couldn’t bear the thought of losing you.  It was awful.  I thought she would lose her mind with worry and fear.  It was the same for me really, though I tried not to show it for her sake.  I only hope she can forgive me for breaking a promise I made to her long ago.  I always thought I might have to, but I promised anyway.’

Gene stood up and held both of Ray’s shoulders firmly.  Father and son locked gazes.

‘There was no almost about it, son.  You didn’t make it.  I know it wasn’t really you, but that’s the way I’ve come to think about it through the years.  You were never a clone to me, and I don’t believe that’s what you are to God either.  I don’t care what anyone might say, you are my son.  You always will be.  And I love you.’

Ray’s chin dropped.  As Gene continued, Ray saw that Nancy was just as shocked as he was.  He barely heard his father’s next words, his mind reeling from what he had been told.

‘You were just a baby so it was easy.  The records never even showed a death.  I probably owed you this talk long ago, and I’m sorry, but your mother was just so scared about it all.’

Ray leaned on one of the kitchen chairs, supporting his weight with two rubbery arms.  The photo of Sara’s clone happened to catch his eye again.  Somehow it looked different to him now.  He let himself start to feel all the emotions that he denied himself before.  It was true that this girl wasn’t Sara, but in some ways she was more his that Sara ever could have been.  Ray sat down and laid his head on the table, as his tears began to wet the photo of the girl who was not quite his daughter.