Ramblings 9/24/07

How will we ever really know which love is the love of our life? And why is it that we need to lose something in order to find out what we had all along? Can you something that you never had at all? How can you possibly miss the feeling of "fake love"? I don't know the answers to any of these questions, nor do I think I'll ever know. But what I do know is; I feel every love is the love of your life, and the reason we do not see what we have until it is too late, is because we take advantage of everything we have and expect for it to always be there. And I do believe you can miss something that was never there, because I do. I miss the love that I thought you felt for me. But I came to realize that you never loved me at all. Because if you did you never would have put me in the types of situations that you did and you never would have said the mean things that you did and you never would have made me cry, but you did.

How can you love a person and hate them at the same time? Is it really possible? Or is it that we're so in-love with "love" that we think we still love them, but know deep down in our heart of hearts that we really hate them? I find myself asking this question constantly, almost everyday. Because I know that I loved you, but lately when I look into your eyes all that I feel is hatred seeping out of me. And more than anything all I want is to be able to look into your beautiful green eyes, and feel the rush of excitement and love flow through me once more, instead of fear and hate.

All it took was three little words and I was hooked. He said, "I love you," and my heart melted, I instantly became his pawn. I would have followed him to the end of the earth and back, given and done anything he asked of me. I was his, completely. But one person can only handle so much pain, and a single person can only handle so much misery. I had to leave you, I honestly just couldn't handle any more. Do not ever doubt my words of love to you, for everything I ever said was true. Even though we had rough and hard times, I will always cherish the good times and hold them dear.You truly caught me...Hook, line and sinker.

Why couldn't you let your self love me? Why couldn't you let me love you? I would've given you the damn world without you asking for it. I would have laid myself at your feet and surrendered to you completely, but you wouldn't let me, you never gave me the chance. You were always searching for the worst, never accepting any real happiness into the cold, frozen thing you call a heart.