Dropkick'd!

Dropkick'd
A play based on the music of the Dropkick Murphys

June 21st, evening, present day.
Left side of stage is lit, showing 5 men sitting at a bar diagonally positioned
(Nathen, Murphy, drunk 1,2 and 3) with Darcy the bartender cleaning behind the bar.

Murphy: (Raising a glass of beer) Gentlemen, tonight I propose a toast for it was this day in 1798 when John Kelly of Killanne died during a fight for our freedom!
Nathen, drunk 1, 2, 3: Here here!

(Singing, Boys on the Docks)

Murphy: Say hey johnny boy, the battle call
United we stand, divided we fall Together we are what we can't be alone We came to this country, you made it our home.

Light up remaining stage showing more patrons seated at tables, all with beers.

All, except Darcy: This man so humble, this man so brave A legend to many, he fought to his grave Saved family and friends from the hardship and horror In a land of depression he gave hope for tomorrow

Say johnny boy this ones for you With the strength of many and the courage of few To what do we owe this man who's fight Was for the masses, he gave his life.

Murphy: Say hey johnny boy, the battle call
United we stand, divided we fall Together we are what we can't be alone We came to this country, you made it our home.

All, except Darcy: A friend to the locals who dabbled in crime.
He'd give you a job and he'd give you his time
He wasn't a crook but he couldn't be conned,
John knew the difference between right and wrong.
Say johnny me boy, you live hear no longer.
Others forgotten, your memories stronger Lets drink to the causes in your life.
Your family, your friends, the union, your wife

Murphy: Say hey johnny boy, the battle call
United we stand, divided we fall Together we are what we can't be alone We came to this country, you made it our home.

All, except Darcy: And the boys on the docks needed John for sure.
When they came to this country, he opened the door.
He said "Men I'll tell ya, they don't like our kind.
Though it starts with a fist it must end with your mind"
(louder)
Say hey johnny boy, the battle call
United we stand, divided we fall Together we are what we can't be alone
We came to this country, you made it our hooooooome.

(End song, blackout)

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(The entire stage is lit, the right half is the inside of Murphy's home where Murphy's wife stands. The left side is the outdoors where Murphy knocks at the locked door)

Murphy: (Drunk) C'mon, Lass, let me in! It's freezing out here!

Emma: No! I can't take it anymore! You leave at 8am, come home drunk at 3am smelling like liquor and cheap perfume! You spend more time in a week with your damn drinking buddies than you have with me during this entire marriage!

Murphy: (stuttering) C'mon, Em! Let's just talk about this! Let me in and we'll talk!

Emma: No! Go away! I'm finished, Murph! Just, just go away!

(Blackout)
(The entire bar scene is lit, Murphy enters depressed)

Nathen: Murph! What happened to you, man?

Drunk 1: C'mon, Murph, tell us, you look more terrible than when you left.

Murphy: Em tossed me out like an empty bottle of Jack, leaving me in the bitter snow and cold like a fucking bag of garbage. Let's face it boys, I ain't nothin' without her. I'm a loser...

Drunk 1 - Don't talk like that, Murph, she don't deserve ya!

Drunk 2: (bangs mug on the table) He's right, to her I say FUCK YOU.

Drunk 1 Murph, repeat after me, this is to her and all the other lasses out there who don't deserve you, me or any other man in bars across the land. FUCK YOU.

Drunk 3 (Chanting, banging fists on the table) Fuck you, fuck you (continues)

All Drunks (Chanting, banging fists) Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you (continues)

Murphy: (standing)Emma! (chanting stops) FUCK YOU, I'M DRUNK!

(Music begins)(Sings, Fuck You, I'm Drunk)

Murphy: I bang on the door but she wont let me in
cause you're sick and tired of me reeking of gin

Female patrons: You stink!

Murphy: I knock on the doors from the front to the back
you left me a note telling me I should pack

Female patrons: Get out!

Murphy I walk in the bar and the fellas all cheer

Drunks YEAAHHHH!!!!

MurphyThey order me up a whiskey and beer
you ask me why I'm writing this poem
some call it a tavern, but I call it home

Chorus
Fuck you I'm drunk!
Including Drunks: Fuck you I'm drunk!
Murphy: Pour my beer down the sink
I've got more in the trunk
Fuck you I'm drunk!
Including Drunks: Fuck you I'm drunk!
Excluding Drunks: And I'm going to be drunk 'til the next time I'm drunk!

Murphy: You've given me an option
Nathen: You say I must choose
Murphy: Between you and the liquor
Murphy & Nathen: Then I'll take the booze!
Murphy: Jump on a bus
Nathen: Turn down to the south side
Murphy & Nathen: Where I'll sit down an exercise my Irish pride!

Murphy & Nathen: Fuck you I'm drunk!
Including Drunks: Fuck you I'm drunk!
Pour my beer down the sink
I've got more in the trunk
Fuck you I'm drunk! Loud Drunk in Background(Fuck You)
Fuck you I'm drunk!
and I'm going to be drunk till the next time I'm druuuuuuuunk!

MORE COMING SOON
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Final Act

Left side of stage is lit, showing Darcy behind the bar, Liz mopping the other side.

Darcy: I can't stand these feelings anymore. I see him almost every night but we don't get any closer.
Liz: Maybe it's because he's, oh, I don't know, married?
Darcy: Well, you'd never know it with how much time he spends here. Works all day, drinks all night, goes home late smelling like gin. I don't know how his woman can stand it.
Liz: Well, what about Nate? He's a good man, and he's single.
Darcy: I know Liz, it'd just feel so wrong with him bein' Murphy's best friend and all.

(Offstage drunken hollers and footsteps can be heard)

Liz: I'm sure you'll figure it out. Well, here comes your gang, I'll get out of your hair. Night, Darlin'.

(The entire stage becomes lit, Liz exits as Nathen, Murphy, and other patrons enter, wolf whistles are hurdled towards Liz)

Murphy: Darcy! Get a pint of Keiths for everyone here on me!

(cheers)

Darcy: Gee Murph, you sure have a lot of time and money to spend with your buddies. How on earth do you do it? Tell us again.

Murphy: I don't know, Lass, I'm pretty drunk, I started drinking hours ago, don't ya know.

Random patron: C'mon, Murp, tell us again, we'll help ya!

Murphy: Fine, keep your trousers on.
(Standing, Murphy sings, Kiss Me I'm Shitfaced)
I play in a band
We're the best in the land
We're big in both Chelsea and France
I play one mean guitar and then score at the bar
There's a line of chicks waiting for their chance
So come on now honey, I'll make you feel pretty
These other gals mean nothing to me
Let's finish these drinks and be gone for the night
'Cause I'm more than a handfull you'll see

All, minus Darcy: So kiss me I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked I'm soiled and brown
in the trousers she kissed me
And I only bought her one round.

Murphy: (Jumps on a table) I can bench press a car
I'm an ex football star, with degrees from both harvard and yale
Girls just can't keep up
I'm a really love machine
I've had far better sex while in jail
I designed the Sears tower, I make two grand an hour
I cook the world's best duck flambe
I'll take the pick of the liter, and girls jockey for me
I don't need these lines to get laid

All, minus Darcy: So kiss me I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked I'm soiled and brown
in the trousers she kissed me
And I only bought her one round

Murphy: (Jumps onto the bar, pulling Darcy up and dances with her)
I'm the man of the night, a real ladies delight
See, my figure was chisled from stone
One more for the gal then I'll escort her home
Come last call, I'm never alone
I own a house on the hill with a red water bed
It puts Hugh Heffnor's mansion to shame
With girls by the pool and italian sports cars
I'm just here in this dump for the gig

(Darcy jumps off the bar)

All, minus Darcy: So kiss me I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked I'm soiled and brown
in the trousers she kissed me
And I only bought her one round

Murphy: Ahh, fuck it. Who am I shittin'?

(Sitting on the bar looking depressed)

I'm a pitiful sight
And I ain't all that bright
I'm definitly not chisled from stone
I'm a cheat and a liar
No women's desire
I'll probably die cold and alone

(Jumps in front of Darcy)

But just give me a chance
Cause deep down inside
I swear I got a big heart of gold
I'm a monoganous man
No more one night stands
Come on, let me take you home

All, including Darcy: (repeat twice, louder the second time)
So kiss me I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked I'm soiled and brown
in the trousers she kissed me
And I only bought her one round

(All glasses are raised and the curtains close as Murphy and Darcy share a passionate kiss)