Sunlight

I lay in bed, my eyes open, unable to sleep.  The window is open, the cool afternoon breeze caressing my cheeks.  The leaves have all changed; they’re fluttering every which way before they fall lifelessly to the ground.  My eyes slip shut and I think what it would be like to be one of those leaves; flying so freely in the wind, not knowing what direction I was going in or where I was going to.  Such wondrous beauty.  I will never know such beauty.

My eyes open again and I look longingly out the window.  If only it was a little further from the ground.  I could fly as freely as the leaves.  A tear slips down my cheek and I have to bite my lip to keep from crying.

The sun is sure and strong, but it does not permeate the darkness within.  It shines through my window and I draw my feet back, afraid of not seeing them in the light.  How glorious it would be to dance in that sunlight, to feel its warmth against my face, to drink in its resurrecting rays. 

I reach out with my fingertips, just barely letting them into the light.  I feel cold and snatch my hand back.  The sun does not touch me, it does not warm me.  I am too far away, too lost.  I hug my knees to my chest and rock, hoping it will bring me some sort of comfort.  It does not.  I close my eyes against more tears.  I am afraid that I will remain forever in my darkness.  I will never be light again.