This Morning

wishing that I wasn't me

I woke up this morning wishing that I wasn't me.

Thinking to myself…
            … if only I were thinner, smarter, prettier…
            … if only I had long, curly locks, green eyes, bigger breasts, a better smile…
            … if only I could play sports, read faster, write better, talk smoother…

Maybe then I'd be treated like the princess that I somehow forgot that I am---
Maybe then I'd be the love that someone is unable to live without---

Or maybe I'd even be the cause of that glisten in someone's eye as they think of---
… my laugh
… or smile
… or voice

I woke up this morning remembering things that I thought I'd long forgotten.
Words that were said that penetrated me to my core, never to be forgiven, never forgotten…
            … you are nothing but a bitch I used to pass the time
            … your voice is so annoying
            … I hope you don't think I actually care about you

I woke up this morning seeing bruises that had healed long before.
I woke up this morning wishing that I wasn't me.