Fighting Back

FIGHTING BACK
A woman is nearly beaten to death. Has this woman just been mugged? Assaulted by a passing stranger? No, this is a women being abused by a loved one. According to studies one-fifth to one-third of all women will be physically assaulted by a partner or ex-partner during their lifetime. Domestic violence affects 95% of women and 5% of men regardless of ethnicity, race, age, national origin, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, or socioeconomic lines. Four million American women suffer abuse in an average 12 month period. It usually starts as children growing up in an abusive home. But the abuse doesn’t stop once these victims grow up and move out. Most end up with an abusive partner or spouse. It is a vicious cycle.

My sister, Sophia Adams, is one of these victims. “You learn what you know, what your use to,” she says.

Sophia is working hard to break this cycle. She is doing this not only for her and her family, but for other women who find it hard to leave on their own. She wants to show these women they can get out.

“It’s not easy; it is a challenge with many obstacles. But in the long run they’ll be happier. No one deserves to live with abuse.”

There are many reasons why women stay. Some women don’t have the financial means to leave. Often times the men control the money and don’t let them work so the women are not able to save money. Or they worry about the affects on their children. Another reason is the fear of more abuse if they do leave. Other reasons are due to religious beliefs.

There are resources for abused women. These include hotlines, state financial help, legal aid and shelters. Sophia Adams utilized a few of these options and was able to get away from her abuser. She stayed at the Cathleen Robinson Huntson transitional home (CRH). While at this shelter she was approached to speak about abuse at the YWCA national seminar and also their fundraiser. The fundraiser is an annual event business and community leaders attend. She was also interviewed by a reporter at a Salt Lake Newspaper.

This led Sophia on a path that would open many doors and lead her to her career choice. Her desire was to become a social worker where she could devote her time in helping other women in abusive relationships. Sophia started a program at the Salt Lake Community College to become a social worker. She changed her career choice after learning as a social worker she would have to be objective and put her own experience aside.

“I don’t want to lose that passion,” she says.

She wants to be able to use her experience to improve laws that affect victims of domestic violence.

“I want to say-look, this is how it is; I’ve been in that situation,” Sophia says, “With new laws I can say yes that’s good or no, this is why. Laws right now make it worse.”

Welfare is another source of help for abused women. However, there are several requirements in order to get help from them. These requirements were setup to prevent women from taking advantage of the system. In reality very few women on welfare want to stay on welfare. These women are trying hard to manage family, work, and school time so they can get off welfare and support themselves and their children.

Welfare requires a certain amount of hours working and/or a certain amount of hours getting an education. These women often have children that have been traumatized by the life of abuse they have experienced. The mothers have to balance their time between getting counseling for themselves and their children, and meeting the requirements of welfare.

“The agencies are not helping people; they are putting more obstacles in the way. They are making it worse, not the people themselves,” says Sophia.

Women are forced to choose between meeting the requirements of welfare to feed their kids and spending the time needed to help their children emotionally. Sometimes this stress is too much and forces these women back to their abusers.

Sophia knows this firsthand. She has four children, all who are in counseling. She is also going to college full time. Welfare has suggested she also obtain a job. Sophia is staying strong however. Her current career choice is to get into law and eventually become a lobbyist.

Sophia has turned a bad situation into a good one. She was able to get out of an abusive relationship and is improving the quality of her life and her children’s. The path she is on will help other women in similar situations also. There is hope. Sophia has been approached by successful and wealthy people who have been in abusive relationships and beaten the statistics. Sophia is trying to help other women to do the same.