Mud War

Both of us dove for cover as the massive bombs exploded around us.. Too afraid to look in fear of getting be-headed by one of these Muddy Masterpieces.



The battle raged on for days on end. The only relief we had was when Mom would ring the dinner bell. Then, with bellies full and a brand new spirit, the battle raged on.. It was the war to end all wars.. Me and Bruce against the world....Who would be declared the Dirt Clod Kings? Why are we even fighting in the first place? Can't we all just get along?



Suddenly, It was all over just as quickly as it had started.. In the blink of an eye Bruce was hit.....Blinded by the brown ooze that has taken his sight. Bruce was a real trooper... He never gave up!.. Well until the next hit... That one made him cry.....Also required 6 or 7 stitches to close the wound..Should we have been declared the winners that hot summer day? By all rights the other team did cheat? They had made a "Dirty Bomb" . They just put all the rules of engagement we had worked so diligently on, aside.

Yes! Folks, The evil bastards put rocks in their dirt clods.....This was a definite No NO in Mud Wars...............REASONS? Because somebody may get hurt.....And they did!.. Thank God, It wasn't me this time.....................

We had spent days on end gathering our weapons for the battle...We had piles of perfectly shaped Baseball size dirt clods, just begging to be thrown.... We had over 100 water balloons that we had made special for this one occasion.....

Each team was allowed one weapon of choice... Our choice was simple...We drove two tent poles in the ground and tied a long piece of bicycle tire tube onto each pole.. We had tested our weapon over and over using big clods of mud...We didn't really have a problem with height but our distance judging needed work.....No matter how hard we tried our bombs would always fall well short of their mark.... Oh well....We would just have to work this glitch out the day of the battle.

Bruce and I hid out in the woods.. We watched as our enemies prepared for battle..Seems like they may have had a little help from their older brother building their W.O.M.L.A. (Weapon of Massive Launching Ability).

Theirs was basically the same as ours. Only difference, they used a automobile tire tube... It seems that this just may have been the key to the distance problem... We watched as they launched clod after clod well over the spot Bruce and I had chosen...

"WE ARE TOAST BRUCE!"......."Yep!".. "THOUGHT YOU'D SEE IT MY WAY?"...."Yep, I do." "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO THEN?"....."Sneak down there later and break it"

"THAT'S A GOOD IDEA BRUCE. WHY COULDN'T I THINK OF THAT?".."We can't both be the brains now can we?"...."RECKON YOUR RIGHT"......"Ya Think!"

It seems like our enemies had out smarted us.. They left someone standing guard,we never had a chance to sabotage them.OK! Truth is, Mom called us to supper.... The war had to wait. Our hunger pains were far far stronger than our desire for victory.....Besides, the two guys we were to fight were both local neighborhood bullies. The Redneck Gods were on our side. How could we not win?

The Battle had begun... Me and Bruce was holding our own at first...There was mud slinging in every direction...Bruce was brave.....He stood up in the line of fire many times. He would scream "HERE'S MUD IN YA EYE BOYSSSS." right before he would launch a fist full of vengeance..... The water balloons that we had worked so long and hard on were virtually useless. The second you would release that massive sling shot they would burst.. We were being pelted by the enemy.. They were cheats.. They had taken to throwing hands full of gravel at us.. This fell down on our heads like rain in a storm. Then as quickly as it had began, it was over.....Bruce had taken a direct hit to the forehead." I'M HIT! I'M HIT!!!!!OH CRAP! I'M BLEEDING!!I CAN'T SEE ANYMORE!.. DUDE!! I REALLY CAN'T SEE?" I stood and called time out......"Ain't no time-out in mud wars" was the last words I heard from the enemy right before that rock hit me up side my head.....Bruce was still just rolling on the ground mumbling something about being blind and would I please tell his Mom that he loved her?

I had done had all the crying I could take so I took my dirty tee-shirt and wiped the mud from Bruce's eyes.....Folks It was an Honest to God Miracle.... Bruce could now see again....(Told y'all them Redneck Gods was watching over us)

After cleaning the mud from Bruce's forehead we suddenly realized just how badly injured he truly was... They had used a Dirty Bomb...The rock hidden inside had made it's mark.. Was about a 4 inch gash in Bruce's head.. Apparently the mud had kinda been controlling the blood flow, because he was now bleeding like a stuck pig...

The war was over... Time to go find Mom......The enemy was hooping and hollering about how they just kicked our asses as Bruce and I mounted our bicycles for the long ride home. I must admit.. This got my ole blood pressure up a wee bit....."HEY BRUCE.. YOU START ON HOME AND I'LL CATCH BACK UP TO YA"

I watched Bruce fade in the distances as I slowly took out my pin knife and stabbed 4 bicycle tires......hsssssssssss.........HA HA HA! SUCKERSSSSSSSSS!

Y'ALL HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY AND DON'T FORGET TO WEAR YA SMILES!...kuntry

Tags: kuntry, funny