Infectious Words

I can’t take being filled by these infectious words,
So I hope I don’t st-st-st-stutter when I say them now.
And I hope there is a judge out there who closes their eyes
But sees my words like colorful sparrows that dart and fly
And they taste the words that are coming from my mouth

These words that I say because I can’t stash them away
They burn my throat and spew from my lips and I
Can’t say it fast enough until it stops coming and it leaves
Me empty and hollow but the better for it
To know that I got these toxic words out and put them
Into your ears and your minds for safe keeping

And my words will rattle around inside your head and
Scream and shout because they can’t get out.
Like vicious little termites they will eat at what is good
And fair and wholesome and just until you become
Insane until one day you stand up in front of
Strangers you don’t know, people you can’t see, the lime light
Is blinding!

And you’ll spill your guts, you’ll bleed my words
Regurgitate what I said but only a different way with more you
And less me which is what I wanted from the start
To pass it along with a little less me and a little more you,
And if I succeeded that is what I wanted to do and if you
Feel worse for wear after those words have hung in the air,
We’ll have something in common, something to share in
Strange moments of silence where you want so much to say something …
But can’t find the words to tell me, to tell yourself

And I’ll wait because I know that will drive the loud silence inside of you
Mad.

The words, the words that I’m casting out like a net,
Praying they catch one you instead of tangle around me
They itch under my skin like lice in my veins and
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t function, I can’t think!
And I see the words in everything I do, the number 2 pencil
I’m writing with.

And honestly I’d rather it be you than me because I have suffered
I have fallen, I have begged and pleaded and cried,
Having these words eat me from the inside out and the outside in,
But I’m not enough! They’ve chewed at me and gnawed at me like
Meat that was old and tough and I still gave in!

I couldn’t fight; I couldn’t run away, I couldn’t get them out
Because they were a part of me, the parasite and the host
And if it were you instead of me I could just relax and close my eyes
And breathe and not think about those words that are strangling me
Because I can’t get them out, I can’t breathe or shout
Days and days and my hands itch, my lips burn but I can’t say anything!

And now I’m making an offering to these words,
That’s right; I’m putting up before them a beautiful sacrifice,
And pretending that I’ll be sad to see these infectious words leave me,
But I won’t, I’ll be so glad when this is over and I can sit down
Sigh and breathe without the words in my throat like angry daggers.

I can wait for the scores but I won’t care because my words
Have spread like a virus that I no longer have to bear.
Because these words, the words that burned aren’t mine anymore.
They’re yours.