Monologue

Monologue

         You need to calm down. There is no need for this overreaction. You have been in this bedroom hundreds of times. The walls are the same blue patches that they were the last time, floor the same dingy old unstained wood, bedspread the same tiny squares sewn together. There is nothing new here. These walls have held you in childhood. Blood seeped into this floor from your skinned knees and sobs have resounded against these walls. Why are you still scared? Scared of what?
         Is it the thought of another? The last roller coaster ride of hormones almost caused you to leap off the edge of reality. I was the only one there for you then and I am still here for you now. Anything you want to talk about is fine; the baby, the voices. Are the voices still bothering you? Are they still in there whispering to you? If they are then we can talk through them. It would probably be good to talk about them. Saying it out loud sometimes helps to clarify that they are not real. That the thoughts may sound crazy but that doesn’t mean you are. The voices can’t make you do anything; they can only suggest things. You don’t have to listen to them. You love your children and would never hurt them. The voices are only goading you on they can’t move your hand. You still control your body, not even I can make you do anything you don’t want to. I am only trying to help, trying to make you see the difference between the voices and me. I am a part of you, they are trying to hurt you; trying to make you hurt your children. You don’t want to do that. They are safely asleep in their beds, dreaming of fanciful dances and wrapping themselves in the remembered warmth of your arms. The same arms that the voices now want to push down on their pale tiny throats. You don’t want to do it. You want to remember the deep intelligent blue of her eyes and the flowing creativity of her graceful hands. They have so many drawings to complete and multitudes of tests to attempt. There are jump ropes to leave tossed aside and chalk pictures to watch wash away. Their lives have just begun and you need to be there for them. You can be you only need to listen to me and not the voices.