Don't let it toss you away...

I found this in one of my many notebooks. Was just jotting down random thoughts during a writing exercise. Let me know what you think..


Writing is lonely, life is lonely. But a Zen master said, 'Do not let it toss you away. It is just loneliness." This was thrilling to hear. It impressed me and I'm not sure why. I guess because I am lonely. I have let it toss me away but now I can realize that it's just a feeling like all the others. When you are happy do you put on a brave face for the world to see? Of couse not! When you are happy you let your true self shine through. It seems that only when the negative thoughts and feelings are at the front, do we try to hide them behind a wall.

I am just like everyone else. I am lonely, afraid that I will be alone forever. Is this feeling real? Yes. Is it based on logic? No. Even as I sit here writing this I am not alone. I have children, several good friends, and family that I can really talk to.
So why do I feel lonely?

I am alone because I choose to be. Not consciously, but unconsciously. I don't go the extra little bit to reach out to a stranger and learn. I am not a risk taker, I care, more than is normal, about other people's opinion of me. I am too sensitive. Finding it hard not to take a turned down invitation personally.

What to do about this? Still deciding. Still trying.
I am lonely but I will not let it toss me away. It is just loneliness after all.