The Nights Without Sido

Darkness and solace make us remember the things we have managed to forget during the day

Sido in Hijazi Arabic means "Grandpa"


The nights are hard when I am alone. It is hard to slip into bed like I always did, only wondering what I would dream about. It is hard because I know the happy obliviousness and companionship of the day will slowly dissolve and I will feel the hurt of your absence from the churning wheel that is my life.
  It is when I am alone, that I miss you so unbearably and it is when I am alone that tears rush and rush that they surprise me. The ache inside attacks fighting through the restraint that I swear I never forced…and my chest heaves, spilling out such a fountain of sadness that I never realized I had throughout the day.
  I don’t cry properly around other people because I don’t know how to. I can only share my weeping with the silence of solace.
  I am ashamed of mentally questioning, once long ago, whether I would miss you so much if you left us…
I do. I am paying the price for such a question even though I never voiced it.