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Written on the night a childhood friend passed away... |
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Created: September 14th, 2008 at 5:18am
Modified: September 14th, 2008 at 5:18am
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No Restrictions I was lost that day ... I was walking pointlessly toward nowhere as I tried to figure out where I needed to be. I was numb,, I had again lost a friend .. I cant think ...I cant see ..where am I going ... I thought about that for a moment. Where are we going ..? Anyone .. anybody ..is there anybody out there?.. I felt like screaming ...and in an instant I came to my senses to find I was screaming. I silent angry bitter scream that makes no sound ..leaves no impression on anyone except the mind of the one who screams. I was not walking in any one direction... not looking for anywhere to really go .. I just walked ..alone ... and watched as a storm cloud gathered in the distance .. the smell of rain was there ..yes I could smell the rain .. Was there a storm coming .? I was walking toward the storm now ... taking long strides in my confusion.. That was where I wanted to be.. in the fury of that black rolling cloud. The wind was stirring now ..blowing against my face as I began to focus my thoughts and to make my silent scream make total since to me. I lost someone... again ..another had left to other planes.. other places .. How could I have let them go with out saying Goodbye? How did I stand myself to let them leave without telling them I would truly miss them? That cloud was where he was ..I just knew it ..he was in that beautiful raging storm ..for in life that was who he was ..He was always changing ..shifting ..making radical random moves that I could never predict .. His actions sometime angered me ..they sometime made me laugh ...there were times I learned great things from him ..and this I could never tell him because he had left so quick ..so unexpectedly.. I wept ... I wept the rain of that black cloud ..the tears rolling down my face so quickly ..so wet as if I were in the storms center now ..looking into its heart. It was then I realized the storm was upon me now.. There was a rumbling and deep bass as the power of the storm shook downward into the earth at my feet. The lightning danced across the sky..in and out of those beautiful deep black clouds. I began to fear ...he is angry ...he will never remember me where he is now. I had forgotten him while he still walked the earth here in life...he ... he will forget me too. I wanted to run from the storm now ..my silent scream had been silenced by its rolling fury and magnificent power..it was as if there was a song there ..on the wind ..through the thunder ..a hymn .. a melodic chaos playing as a rock song through the night ..there was wisdom there ..great knowledge ..brilliant thinkings ..and poetic justice. I didn't hear his voice ..no not his voice ..but .. there ..there in the distance ..through the rumble and rain ... I heard his song ..his very own little beat ..as he always marched in life to the beat of a different drum ..it was him ...I stood straight ..I stared into the dark rain ..I threw up my hand and tried to shield my eyes from the rains blinding kiss. The wind was blowing me back and I was all but exhausted from this battle.... and I fell .. The rain and winds pelted me ..and water from the storm washed over me as I struggled to hang on .... I was desperate ..in all my rage and loss ..I was helpless in my pain .. I was helpless without knowing if he would know ..deep down wherever he had went .. If I was his friend ..If I valued him in life ..If I needed his friendship still ... In all this chaos a hand grabbed my shoulder ..I was still blinded and disoriented as this hand pulled me to my feet and held me straight as the storm plummeted me with the rage I had fanned in my heart as hot coals in a dying fire... .......... I woke to the sound of birds singing ... the sun was shinning down upon my face and I squinted to see through the bright blinding light and see where I was. I was standing atop a rock ...this great rock was bare and flat on its top ..with a small groove running down its base ..I instantly spotted something there within this small crevice and I climbed downward to reach its bottom and examine what I saw inside. It was a small box ..wooden ...with no lock. I reached down and pulled it from this hiding place and held it close to examine..It was light... and felt as if it would be empty. Slowly I opened it ..slowly ,not knowing what to expect inside its interior. The lid opened to reveal four items ...four small very distinct treasures that made my heart swell with grief...a small action figure..a storm trooper, a flag..rolling out to reveal a swastika..the symbol of the third Reich .. a small black guitar pick ..and a picture ..a small picture of his daughter ..whom was his spitting image to see. I held them ..I sat down upon the rock ..and I held each item in my hand ...and I wept. I had brought the storm ..he had rode the storm. I had surrendered while I lived.. He had lived the way he wanted.. and I was looking back with regret ..he had moved on and was leaving nothing behind him but good things.. things I held in my hands .. things I will treasure ...things I will remember ... I heard him laugh ..I turned to look upon the face of the rock and there i saw him ..a moment in time ..and I saw that crooked smile ..that sneering wit ...and that harmless macho that he demonstrated constantly but was never nothing more than a gentle peaceful man within his actions. I stood quickly . and looked again his way ..to find there was nothing more there than a shadow cast down from the shade of a tree. The box at my feet .. I sat back down again... and I spoke aloud as I handled each gift... Thank you my friend ..for these great treasures .. you have given me four great gifts to carry on with me...first is your childhood(action figure) ..its marvel and its wonder ..your imagination ..your fantasy ..the world you showed me as a child...second is your intellect(the flag) ..its knowledge ..its wisdom ..its appreciation of things greater than there appearance ..its ability to learn and remember ..to know and share ..to keep great things from being forgotten ..to keep them alive...third is your musical talent(the pick)...In all your years you played without end ..you drove your music as it was a wild stallion..taking you where it would and going there with great happiness..and last but not least ...the fourth item(picture of his daughter)...a picture of your beauty ..your legacy ..your greatest accomplishment ... and a small piece of your soul ..I need only to look there and I will see you ..and so you are never truly far from me ...and I should never think you are no friend of mine. I had asked for a sign .... he had given me everything I needed... and so i put these little items back inside there small wooden box ...closed its lid ..and started down the rock toward the place I knew led back home ... and as I reached the rock base there was another small rumble in the distance .. a gentle breeze blew against my face and I knew I heard him.,...one last time ..one last laugh ..his laugh ...deep ..hardy ..and full ...he was laughing at me ..as he had always laughed ...for I had been so silly to believe ..that he would ever forget me .. or never acknowledge me as his friend. I will miss you old friend .. I will hold these things dear to my heart until we again meet one day .... one day soon... |
© Copyright 2008 RAZER COYOTE (wyndwarrior at Writing.Com).
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