Everything's Fine

“Everything’s fine.” Shawn tugged on my messy ebony ponytail, giving me a reassuring smile. I raised an eyebrow and gave him a you-don’t-know-anything look. We both turned when the front door opened and Dad entered the house. I saw Shawn quickly don his best good-boy smile.

“Hello, you two,” said Dad. He looked around, and I sighed when his eyebrows lowered. Here comes the epic eruption, I thought. “Lillian,” he growled, “your chores aren’t finished. I see dust everywhere.”

My eyes narrowed, and I imagined piercing him with dark blue sparks. Shawn’s chores weren’t done either, but he was the golden child, so it didn’t matter if he did them or not. Of course. I opened my mouth to release my best smart-aleck retort, but my brother stopped me with a well-placed nudge to my ribs.

“Sorry, Dad,” he said, his tone laced with sugary-sweet innocence. It made me sick. Anyone could see that he was hiding a smile while his eyes were on the floor. But I guess to Dad he just looked ashamed. “Dusting was my job, but I didn’t have enough time because of football.” What a lie.

Dad’s expression immediately softened. “Well, that’s fine then.”

I scowled and retreated to my bedroom, but I didn’t miss the irritated glance my father shot my way. Muttering under my breath, I pulled out my sketchbook and tried to concentrate on my pencil flying across the page.

An hour later, the door opened and Shawn slipped inside the room, as I knew he would. “Whew,” he sighed, collapsing onto the bed next to me with a show of exhaustion. “That was a close one, wasn’t it?”

I slanted a look at him. “He never gets mad at you.”

Shawn shrugged. “I guess he just likes me better.” When I didn’t reply, he reached over to tousle my hair and said, “Come on, Lily, you know I was just kidding. Where’s your trademark snarkiness, huh?”

I shrugged; I wasn’t really in the mood to banter with him right now.
Shawn allowed the silence to hang in the air for a moment before he spoke again. “Hey, you know I love you, right?”

I sighed in defeat and put my sketchbook away, turning to face him. “Yeah, I know,” I muttered.

“So can I ask you something?”

“What?”

He ran a hand through his golden way-too-perfect-for-any-human curls. He looked a little nervous, but then the moment passed and he grinned at me. I swear his teeth did that little sparkle thing like on the toothpaste commercials. “I want you to cover for me,” he announced.

“Cover for you?” I frowned. “I’m the one who likes to break the rules, not you.”

Shawn cocked his head to the side. “I thought it looked like fun, so I want to try it.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No. Why?”

I couldn’t help it; I laughed. “You couldn’t break the rules if you wanted to,” I told him. “You’re a pretty boy.”

“Hey, that’s mean to say to your older brother!”

“Not if it’s true.”

Shawn heaved a dramatic sigh and threw himself backwards, making both of us bounce on my old mattress. “You’re a deplorable little sister,” he mumbled. “What if I wasn’t breaking the law?”

I looked down at him, my eyebrows coming together in confusion. “What exactly do you want to do?”

He glanced away from me; a very bad sign. I knew I wasn’t going to like what was coming next. “Well… I’m getting out of here.”

“What?” My throat constricted at the thought, and I started coughing.

Shawn sat up, and his expression was serious for once. “I’m not going to college, Lily. I’m sick of school. I’ve been saving up, so I think I’ll travel for a while.”

“You - you’re an idiot,” I objected. “You can’t just run away and leave me here with him!” I gestured frantically in his general direction. “He’s evil!”

He looked at me for a long moment, then sighed. “You’re right. I wouldn’t do that to you.” Standing up, he smiled at me. It looked a little forced. “Forget I said anything. It was a stupid idea anyway.” He laughed at himself and left, closing the door quietly behind him.

I lay there, staring at the ceiling, in a state of shock. My thoughts were spinning in circles like some demented game of tag. How could he even think of something like that? How could he think of leaving me here? It was ridiculous!

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The next morning, I noticed that Shawn looked a little distracted. He disguised it admirably, but I knew him too well. I didn’t want to wonder if he was still thinking about that trip. Would he do it, even if I didn’t cover for him? Dad would catch him for sure.
And he’d probably give some excuse and Dad would forgive him right away. I almost laughed at the idea. If I did something like that, I would be grounded for year. No, make that for life.

School. I couldn’t pay attention; my thoughts kept wandering back to my idiot of an older brother. My teachers yelled at me a bit more than usual, and they seemed confused when I didn’t start arguing with them. Instead I just ignored them, too tangled up in my own thoughts to care much -- which was unheard-of where I was concerned.

When I saw Shawn at lunch, I hurried over to him. He was sitting at the Jock Table. Being the black-wearing, dark-humored person I was, I wasn’t generally accepted there. Everyone carefully looked away when I arrived, suddenly finding something of interest on the other side of the cafeteria. “Come on,” I said, grabbing Shawn’s hand and towing him to a deserted corner outside. Turning to face him, I put my hands on my hips.

Shawn raised an eyebrow. “What, Lily? I was kind of busy.”

“No, you weren’t,” I retorted. “You were staring at your food.”

“I was busy staring at my food.”

“I’m sure that was really enlightening,” I said. “More importantly, are you still thinking about the trip?”

Shawn shrugged. “I bought the ticket.”

I felt like I’d been sucker-punched, but I was careful to keep a mildly interested expression. “Dad’ll catch you,” I warned him.

“No, he won’t.” He seemed confident, but I wasn’t so sure.

I bit my lip and said, “Fine.”

Shawn looked at me for a moment, and I caught a disappointed look in his eyes before he returned to the cafeteria.

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The plane leaves tomorrow morning.

I stared at the words in my diary. I’d written them just moments before, but they didn’t seem quite real. I knew better than anyone, though, that once Shawn made up his mind, you’d have to make the world spin the wrong way to change it.

I flipped onto my back and stared at the black ceiling of my bedroom. Unbidden, my eyes drifted to a picture on the wall next to my desk. It was of a handsome family; a laughing father, a smiling mother, and two playful children, a girl and a boy. The little girl looked just like her mother. The siblings were holding hands and the parents had their arms around each other.

I sighed and looked away. If only life had stayed like that. Rolling onto my side, I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

Ever since my mom died, the mood around my house had become darker and darker. Dad became distant and unfocused. He began treating me differently. When he looked at me, he wasn’t looking at me. He was seeing someone else, and it made him angry and sad. But Shawn was always there. He tutored me so I didn’t fail in school, he did my chores for me, and he took the blame for my mistakes so Dad wouldn’t yell at me.
But what did I ever do for him?

My eyes snapped open and I sat up. Shawn did everything and more for me, and I had refused his one and only request. How selfish could I be?

Disgusted with myself, I jumped out of bed and glanced at the clock. Shawn’s flight was leaving in an hour. If I went at the speed of light, I might make it. Pulling on whatever clothes I touched first, I scrambled downstairs and sprinted past dad, who stared at me with his mouth open, and into the car outside. Before my father or anyone else could stop me, I floored it.

The airport was as loud and congested as usual, but that didn’t bother me today. I shoved through whoever dared to be in my way and quickly scanned the crowd. Then I saw that head of golden way-too-perfect-for-any-human curls. “SHAWN!”

He glanced back and his eyes widened when he saw me pushing my way toward him. When I stopped in front of him and put my hands on my knees, breathing hard, we just stared at each other for a moment. Then he started laughing.

“What?” I demanded.

“You - you!” Shawn shook his head, doubling over and clutching his stomach.

I glanced down and noticed that my shirt was on inside-out and backwards, and one pant leg was stuck in my sock. My dyed hair was probably sticking up in all directions. I started laughing too. No wonder people had seemed eager to give me room.

Finally, when we’d both regained control of ourselves, Shawn smiled at me. “What are you doing here, little sister?”

I shrugged. “I’m here to say goodbye, of course. Are you stupid?”

He laughed and swept me into a bear hug. “I’m going to miss you. Write me?”

“You know it.”

We grinned at each other like fools, then I noticed the time. “Your flight is about to leave,” I said. “Be careful, okay? Those pickpockets will be all over you and your good looks.”

Shawn flashed me his best good-boy smile. “Don’t worry about me; I can talk my way out of anything.”

“I believe that,” I muttered. Then I took a step back and looked up at him. “Have a good trip!”

My brother waved, then turned and went through the gate. I waved until I couldn’t see him anymore. Then I waved some more, just in case.

                                  ---------------------------------------------

“Bro,” I wrote, “Things have calmed down here. Dad’s face isn’t red anymore, and his voice is back at its normal volume.
“I think he misses you, but of course he won’t admit it. I, for one, am happy you’re gone. I painted your room black.
“Just kidding.
“Dad and I had a heart-to-heart, and I think maybe we have a temporary sort-of truce. Don’t worry about us and enjoy yourself! Everything’s fine.”


I slipped the letter into the envelope and scrawled the address on the front. Then I put it in the mailbox and wandered back into the house to eat dinner with Dad.