How To Love

See, you can’t call me a creepy person because I think we’ll end up together one day. Whether we last when we do, depends. I hope to high hell we last forever, because I love you. You know that love where you feel sick when you’re separated from them? That love that you have to make a pointless call to them just to hear their voice, but you’re too chicken to admit the reason you called was just to hear their voice? That’s the love I’ve got for you.
I don’t know if you know this. But you’re like the greatest gift I’ve ever received. You’re my best friend. A brother. And yet I yearn for something more with you. I do want you. But then I don’t. See, if we loved each other more than we do now, we could destroy all our love, and you’ve got no idea how dead I would feel.
We’re in different places this year. And I miss you everyday. When I see you, I’m happy. When I don’t, I’m wishing I could. You wander through my dreams so vividly I can smell you, feel your presence. You’re my protector without ever being there.
I remember one time, this guy that bugs me a lot, he grabbed my leg in science class and I immediately screamed your name. That was embarrassing because you weren’t there, and no one with your name was there. But all I had wanted was you to scare this guy off.
You’re such a softie. You make yourself out to be so mean and unforgiving. But when it comes to me, you melt. I know it. You admit to me that you’re scared of going to a haunted house, so we don’t go, even though you know I’d love to. And you almost did go, just for me.
Most people that I share my feelings of you with, they laugh and say I only love you for your looks. I admit, your looks are wonderful. But I love you. I love who you are. It’s your smile that I crave when I’m upset. It’s your voice that I need when I’m ready to cry. It’s you I need in my life. I could never admit this to you though, because I would hate to make things awkward between us. If my stupidity separated us, I could never trust myself again. I’d be done.
I’ve got other friends. I’ve got friends that I love. But you’re that one special friend. The one I can pour my heart out to. The one I’m not scared of crying to. The one that I think of when I feel like cutting away the pain on my body. I don’t do that though, because if I can’t bare to be parted with you, maybe you share the same emotions for me? Maybe you love me like a sister, you were the one who said I was your sister from another mister, I remember that and always will.
You wonder why I never date. The truth is, I don’t date because when a guy asks me, you immediately enter my mind and I can’t force myself into a relationship because I want you. I don’t want to get involved with anybody else because I’d focus on you still. And as you told me yourself, guys get jealous very easily, if a boyfriend ever threatened to leave me because of my relationship with you, I would leave them. Because, you’re more important than a passing fling. Because even if you’re not very demonstrative in anything, I love you and I’ll always be there for you, and maybe you for me?
You worry about your body and think you’re ugly. You worry that no girl will like you if you gain weight, or lose muscle tone. Do you realize that I’ll still love you if you gain weight and lost all your muscle? That I will still love you if you went blind? If you ended up in a wheelchair I would still you love the same. Do you realize that I will still love you even when you get upset with someone else and take it out on me? You apologize for it but it does hurt me.
So in short, I’ll love you forever, and if for some reason that changes, know that I’ll remember you forever, and remember how I loved you. Because love like this doesn’t come around too often. And now I know what love feels like.
Thank you for teaching me how to love.