The booted monster

If life as a child produced a book, with a story line so true, you’d remember it though out life.
Three children, on an average day, where heading towards the beach running across a fisherman who was reeling in a ‘rubbery catch’. As the oldest, seeing the boot slowly climbing to the top of the bridge…. I KNEW this was going to get strange.
I remember the day oh so well, it was down in a small town of Florida called Fort
Lauderdale… Even though it was spring time the air sure got hot during mid-day... We’d all woke to the idea of Saturday cartoon’s, as mom was soon to be heading off to work. Laurie, my slightly younger sister, had just turned on the TV, as I got down some bowls for cereal.
With the backdrop of dry cereal hitting ceramic, mom called out her warnings of how we’d ‘better not’ find any trouble today. To me, it seemed just like another ‘beach day’, as usual.
Now, the beach was only a few blocks away, though we had to cross a very large bridge to get to it. Though we had traversed this bridge almost daily, it was as simple as turning on the TV, or running to the corner store. Mom worried a lot about that bridge.
As the oldest of us four, I held rank. My name is Willie. Next down, Laurie was sitting in front of the TV, flipping the channel’s to find her favorite show. Vince, now five, was my true side-kick, he had a quick eye in valuables things and was a daredevil at heart. Last in line, was our baby sister Tara. She was cute and lovable, till I had to help mom change a diaper. Anyway, where was I, oh yeah, It was a beautiful morning, where the sky was blue and every minute seemed to be the best moment to be a kid…In a happy-go-lucky type morning, my true story begins.

“Now, you kid’s behave today.” Mom said, as she took up our baby sister and her purse into her arm’s, aiming for the door in a rush, “and be sure to check-in around three. I’ll be home around then... Oh, and Willie trash goes out this morning.”
“After breakfast…we’ll be at the beach.” I said, as the front door clicked shut. Mom leaving didn’t even faze Laurie who had begun to munch on the Fruit-Loop’s that Vince had set in front of her.
“Earth to sis, earth to sis,” I razed, sitting at the kitchen table to eat the bowl I’d made for myself.
“Hun?” She said, peeved that I had interrupted her ‘precious’ Cartoon.
“Going to the beach... Coming with us?” I tried to asked.
“No, I’m watching ‘cartoons’ all day!” Laurie stated, not giving me a chance to finish.
“Whatever.” I said, not about to argue with her over it.
My brother slurped up the last of his cereal and quickly dumped his bowl into the sink.
“Towels.” I stated to him as he disappeared towards the hallway closet.
“What color do you want?” He called from beyond my sight.
“Blue!” I hollered back to him, as I ate up the last of my bowl, drinking down the milk straight out of the bowl. We we’re trying to get out of there before Laurie changed her mind.
“House is yours.” I said to her, as Vince had already hopped over her and had the door open, and seemed ready to light out.
“Un, forgetting something…” She asked, not taking her eyes off the TV.
“Forgetting…?” I pondered, blank of anything.
“The trash…” Laurie reminded me.
“Oh. Yeah, the trash,” I said, head back into the kitchen and grabbing the already bound plastic trash bag.
“Sure you don’t want to go?” I asked, stepping over her with the full bag.
“Just get lost already, stooge.” She quipped in a very sarcastic tone.
My brother rolled his eyes, pulling the door closed behind us. Heading down the stair’s we soon dumped the bag into the large dumpster out back. The morning air seemed slightly chilly on my bare arms.
Finally, on our way, we walked down the deserted red brick street wearing only our bathing suits and a towel around the neck. Walking down the middle of the road, I took notice at how cool these red brick’s seemed under my feet, realizing the fact, that by this afternoon, these same red brick’s would be making us walk as if on ‘pins and needles’. The morning breeze swayed the palm tree’s leaves lightly as the sky of light blue only had streaks of white clouds etched within it.
We had made our way to the water’s edge, looking out to the beach in sight, I decided to test the choppy blue by hanging over the seawall’s edge and dip my foot in. Though this area had collected seaweed that dropped and rose with the chop, my brother watched in anticipation of my idea of how soon they would be able to swim.
The water wasn’t freezing cold, yet, it wasn’t bubble bath warm either, pulling my foot up.
“Well? What do you think?” Vince asked.
“I figure, if it gets hot enough and there are ton’s of people on the beach today. Then, maybe five of them will attempt to go in for a quick dip.” I told him.
“That cold,” He asked, looking at the water, his hopes dashed.
“Want to check it yourself?” I asked, offering to hang onto his as he dipped a foot in.
“Burrr!” He replied, scrambling back onto the seawall after doing so for him.
“Tell me about it…” I sighed, wanting to swim myself.
“Oh well, guess it’s another day of lying out on the sand.” Vince sighed, as my eye caught something.
“Come on.” I told him, almost leaving him behind.
See, on our side of the bridge there were fishing boat dock’s. The POPEYE, closest to us, had just made port after a night of game fishing. With Vince catching up in close tow, we gained entrance to their platform.
As we moved closer to the crowd of people that had begun to gather around a rather large fish they were stringing up by its tail. I realized it was a shark, a big shark!
“Alright everybody, we need you to close in for this shot.” One of the crewmen stated as he stood behind the camera.
With the picture taken, and everybody heading towards the bait and tackle shop, that was the backdrop office for the fishing tour, we moved in to scope it out. I was at awe with the gaping size of that monsters mouth, realizing, it could have swallowed me in a bite and a half. Vince, who stood a good foot shorter than me… Man, he could have built a fort in there! I sometimes wondered how he perceived that monster.
After all the ‘checking it out’ we could do, it had become just one more fish hung out to dry. We headed towards the bridge that would carry us over to the warming sands awaiting the heat of the day to set in. Laughingly, we talked about any nightmare vision that could blow it’s size that much more out of proportion.
On the sidewalk, at the bridge’s entrance, I decided to cross the street. Wanting to see if the other fishing boat, the Blue Heron, had docked yet. Mom always made us hold hand’s while crossing any major street’s, grabbing his hand, and checking both way’s, we quickly skipped across the street. The dock was empty of any boat, as I spotted a few fisherman already lined up along the bridges walkway.
“Let’s see what’s biting today.” I pointed to a man with his pole bent over the bridges edge to make one believe he had a big one on his line.
“He’s got one!” Vince said, darting around me.
About the time we got there, the man had already landed the flopping fish on the sidewalk. Rebating his hook, Vince questioned him as to how many he’d caught today.
Satisfied with his answer, we decided to check-out what the others were catching. Seems, it was a good morning for sheep’s-head, but not much else. One fisherman left to check, I thought I heard my name.
“Willie. Over here, Willie!”
Looking around and across the street, there stood Laurie, waving at me like a banshee with a sore finger. I looked both ways at the constant stream of traffic. Both directions seemed endless!
“I thought you were going to stay home and watch cartoon’s all day?” I yelled through the whizzing traffic. A truck that made the whole bridge shake blocked out her reply.
“Doesn’t look like it’s going to let up soon…” Vince said, watching the steady stream of rumbling vehicle’s pass.
“STAY THERE!” I shouted, not wanting her to attempt a risky crossing without my full approval.
Soon, the traffic had let up, and both directions only had a straggler coming in each direction. Double checking, and making sure, Laurie awaited my word before zipping across the street. The bridge, clear of car’s for the moment, I yelled at her,
“OKAY... NOW, RUN!”
On my word’s, she came skittering across the street as Vince and me kept our eyes peeled for any barreling cars. Safely across and hopping over the three foot cement traffic barrier, she huffed asking,
“Check the water yet?”
“Still to cold...” Vince said.
“I thought you were going to stay home and watch cartoons all day?” I asked, almost upset at the ‘stunt’ she’d just pulled.
“I got bored... to cold to go swimming?” She asked.
“Not if your a polar bear.” Vince said.
“Or a ‘nut’,” I said, thinking she be the one to actually do it.
“Oh… So, what are you doing now?” She asked.
“Checking the fishing...” Vince said, getting bored with checking the fishermen’s catches.
“Anything biting,” Laurie questioned, looking over the edge herself.
“Yeah… But nothing to run all the way home and get the poles over,” I said.
“Hey! LOOK! He’s got something!” Laurie pointed out the last fishermen on the bridge we hadn’t checked out. We all moved closer to the man with his pole bent over the edge. He seemed to be fighting it.
Leaning over the edge, we all anticipated its size. As the ‘catch’ broke water, our hopes were all dashed, with the fisherman exclaiming,
“Dang, it’s just a stupid boot!”
We all back off the wall, walking up to the man who was trying to pull up the oversized boot. It was one of those ‘fishermen’s boots’ that came splashing onto the concrete sidewalk as we were about to pass. He removed his hook and had already begun re-bait his pole as we passed the boot.
His back turned, I watched the boot shimmy! The man now was reaching for the boot to toss it back into the briny blue when I realized what he was going to do.
“Wait!” I said almost freezing him in mid-motion, “There’s something in it!”
“There’s nothing in there. Just an old boot…” He stated, turning the boot upside down, which produced a small amount of water, but nothing else.
“Then you don’t mind me keeping it?” I asked flat out.
Laurie and Vince had come back to see what I was up to. They both had perplexed looks on there faces.
“What do you want with an old boot?” Laurie asked sarcastically.
“Yeah, don’t you need two of them to make a pair?” Vince almost giggled at me.
However, I kept a straight face at the man, holding out my hand for the boot. By his look, he couldn’t figure me out. Shrugging, finally said, handing me the sloppy boot,
“Sure kid, here.”
“Thank-you,” I said, taking the slightly weighted boot out of the man’s grasp. Holding the top of the boot closed I walked past Vince and Laurie.
“Willie? Wait. What’s up with the boot?” Laurie caught my arm in a step pass her.
“There’s ‘something’ in here!” I stated in a low tone.
“Yeah, like a million buck’s!” Vince snickered, as Laurie was trying to stop me from getting away.
“No... Something that’s alive.” I stated in a firm but quiet voice.
“Yeah…Some kind of sea-monster…” Laurie stated, now, actually stopping me by jumping ahead of me.
“Maybe ‘Something’ like that,” I said, looking back to see how far out of ear-shot we were from the fisherman who I’d got it from.
Realizing we had enough room to move around, I waited to check my catch for my own eyes. I turned the boot upside down for myself. This only produced a few drops of water and a single strand of seaweed.
“Oh...The wicked seaweed creature... Scary!” Vince said, moving in closer to look at it. Even Laurie bend down next to me. I shook it. Nothing! So gritting my teeth, I gave the boot a good thrashing!
Like an over expectant mother, it gave birth! It was as big as a turtle, though it had more leg’s and a set of claws that looked like a catcher’s mitts! Not only that, it was on the move! Faster than any of us could react, it zipped over Laurie’s foot and was heading directly towards Vince. Laurie’s first reaction catapulted her onto the cement traffic divider, which almost caused a major wreck, as a horn tried to warn her of its presents on the other side
of the barrier. I mush have froze for a second, because when I focused on the sea monster, it was quickly backing Vince farther and farther up the bridge!
The car horn, scaring Laurie, jumped in a single leap, never touching the ground, to the other railing. If it weren’t for her monkey like grip, she would have went sailing over the side and straight down into the water. In shock of all going on around me, it took a second to figure what to do, Vince’s vocal yelling, gave me direction.
“Whoa! Stop there sucker! Willie. get it, Stop! Freeze! No you don’t!” Vince said seeing Laurie leap across, quickly decided that wasn’t a bad move and jumped onto the outer railing himself. For a split second, I thought ‘he too’ was heading for the water!
In a flash, it seemed, I was after the crab. Boot in hand. Running up behind the six legged lightening bolt, I was shocked to realize that this huge crab pincher’s snapping at Vince, wasn’t even concerned that I was trying to capture it. However, at the on-look, this wasn’t working too well, either!
Vince perched balance perfect on the top rail, by fear, watched the crab snapped up at him. It had made him his enemy!
“Look’s like you got a new dance partner.” I said, all the while trying to get the boot open wide enough to scoop it in. Luck opened a doorway as if it finally noticed the boot and decided that the dark hole was more important, now that it couldn’t get a hold of my brother. Still snapping it shimmied left then right of the opening of the boot, I tried to adjust and compensate for it’s moves.
With no problem, it crawled straight up into the darkened hole. Grabbing the top of the boot closed, I yelled,
“Got it!”
As I stood up, clutching the top of the boot, a big smile beamed across my face. Laurie was still clutching the rail as if expecting a gale wind to come ripping through any second.
“What was that thing?” Vince exclaimed, being completely unnerved, eyeing the now lifeless boot in my hands.
The fisherman was now a whole lot closer then when I had first opened the boot.
“So, there WAS something in there. What is it, a crab?” He questioned in almost a snicker.
“Yeah... just a little crab,” I admitted, as Laurie and Vince ‘un-clawed’ themselves from the railing.
“Little crab…” Laurie asked her voice still shaky.
“Yeah, just a little crab,” I eyed her, wanting her to shut up.
“That wasn’t a crab! Trust me!” Vince said, still not sure it was actually ‘safe’ to get down.
“Yeah, just a crab...” I told him, trying to keep this thing under wraps.
“That couldn’t have been a crab!” Laurie stated, “A demon maybe... But that was not a crab!”
“Crabs don’t have a three foot claw span!” Vince said, trying to collect himself.
“Yeah…did you see the size of its claws?” Laurie asked her smaller brother.
“Did you see it chasing me” Vince stated.
The fisherman just raised an eyebrow, knowing that the huge crab had probably scared the life out of my smaller brother and sister.
“Well guy’s, I guess we better be heading back home...” I said to the both of them, stepping past the fisherman, with the both of them in tow behind me,
“HOME,” Laurie stated, realizing this thing would be in the same house as her!
“Oh no… We can’t take that thing home! Mom...” Vince said, blearing out the best excuse his mind would produce.
“Mom, she will get a kick out of it.” I beamed, knowing how much she enjoyed a good crab meal.
“Yeah, mom will be ‘kicking’ something alright!” Laurie said, trying to make me see the error of my ways. In my own way, I blew her off,
“Mom loves crab.” I stated.
“Don’t you think we should make sure it’s a crab... first?” Laurie asked.
“Yeah Willie, I’m with her, that thing’s to big to be a crab!” Vince stated.
“That thing’s ‘too big’ to be a lobster!” Laurie admitted, and seeing the thing up close, I almost had to agree with her.
“Where you going to put it…?” Vince asked.
“Bathroom sink…” I said, not giving it much thought.
“Way to small,” Vince instantly confirmed.
“Then, the kitchen sink,” I stated.
“Yeah, maybe after you ‘kill it’…” Laurie said, adding. “But alive…. Ha! I know ‘I’ don’t want to be there… when you try that!”
“Well, I’ll just use the tub...” I said giving them an escape-proof container.
“Uh, Okay. The tub…. BUT, we close the door after we make sure it can’t get out.” Vince said, fearful of this plan I had going.
“Yeah, I don’t want that thing asking me to pass the salt and pepper during lunch.” Laurie piped up.
“Jeez, why don’t we just place an armed guard on the door while your at it?” I said sarcastically.
“Good idea!” Laurie said, as we made our way past the hanging shark.
“That means your going to take first watch?” I asked her, walking the wide sea wall to the dead-end red brick road.
“No way… I don’t even want to be in the same house as that thing!” Laurie freely admitted.
“I say we kill it.” Vince offered.
“No! I want mom to see it alive!” I said.
“Oh Willie…I don’t think that is a good idea...” Laurie said, feeling it in her bones.
“It will be great! Okay, Vince… you get first shift.” I told him.
“ME? The thing ‘hates’ me! You seen how it acted!” Vince said, not wanting the job.
“I’ll take second shift. Laurie, you’ll...”
“I’ll be watching TV! I am not going NEAR that thing!” Laurie interrupted me, bounding up the stairs to our house.
They both ran ahead of me as I made my way up the stairs.
Once inside, and heading to the bathroom, Vince spouted,
“Here comes the crab, here comes the crab... make way for the crab!”
“Turn on the water.” I asked of him. Laurie just stood ‘fretting’ at the doorway.
The tub filling up with water, Vince backed up onto the toilet... watching nervously as to how high I’d fill the tub. Three inches of water, I figured was enough as I turned over the boot over and gave it a good thrashing,
It was like the bell at the dog track! The moment it dropped into the tub ‘escape’ was the only thing on its mind.
It was actually much bigger than I’d remembered, and on it’s six leg’s raised it’s body above the waterline. It tracked from one end of the tub to the other with lightening speed, it actually jumped to the rim, once, as I smacked it back two or three times with the boot. I was now using the rubbery catch as a shield from it getting out. With the water still running, I’d swiped at it one more time, this time it landed on its back.
In a whir of energy, it began splashing like a child who was throwing a temper tantrum in a kiddies’ pool. This whole action had sent Vince onto the bathroom counter, and caused Laurie to draw the bathroom door closed on her way out.
After it had settled down, Vince and I had kept a beady eye on it. We took turn’s eating lunch, as we tried to figure out how big it was and how much it weighed... twenty pounds is the closest we came to that. The one thing we did determine about it... It was a crab. Although mom was never one for surprises, I hoped this one would catch her off guard... and oh-boy, would it.
Mom called at three, asking if everything was normal. I told her I had a surprise for her when she got home. She had to work an extra shift and to grab a snack and that we’d be having a late dinner. The day dragged on and our trust that it couldn’t escape seem to grow as we found a few TV shows, that more occupied our attention. It was a scary movie that had our attention when mom slipped through the door behind us, and not a one of us, to this day, remembered her entrance.
Fully engrossed in the TV show, mom had laid Tara’s bassinet on the couch, quietly heading into the bathroom. All of us will admit that the movie had suspenseful horror and dramas. However, nothing could compare to the horror scream that now howled from our own bathroom!
We each grabbed each other, with fear and shock plastered on our own faces as we realized that mom had found... the crab’!!! As we reacted, our baby sister began to cry, woke in the rudest way. All on our feet, we bumped into each other as if rock, paper,
Scissors would tell us what should be done first. The neighbors below us had bounded up the stairs and had already begun pounding on the door calling out mom’s name... Vince went to Tara, and Laurie opened the door... That left me to check on mom.
As I headed towards the hallway, that lead to the bathroom… mom flat ran me over on her way out of the bathroom. I laid crumpled on the floor, as she was already in the living room, pulling up her pants! She now looked back to see what she had hit on her way out.
Though I wasn’t hurt, I felt feared at the look she had on her face. Vince, seeing me on the floor came to help me, and I suddenly realized the bathroom door was wide open.
“It’s loose in the bathroom?” Vince asked me as I got me up from the floor.
“Whatever it is! Get it the HELL out of my bathroom!” Mother stated as Linda confronted her in the middle of the living room.
“The doors open.” I said, and Vince bounded to the door pulling it shut.
“What going on here?” Linda asked, after counting heads.
“Is it still in the bathroom?” Vince asked, in a scared fear.
“Is it attacking you?” I asked him. No crab in sight.
“No?” Vince closed the door quickly.
“Good, then it’s still in there.” I quickly determined.
“What’s in there?” Linda called past mom.
“I caught mom a present’. We put it in the bathtub.” I stated.
“It wasn’t in the ‘bathtub’ when it found me! Willie! I want that thing ‘caught’ NOW!”
Mom said with such a boom, there seemed to be thunder in the background.
“What? What did you catch?” Linda asked.
“Willie calls it a crab. A huge crab! Mom I never seen a crab that big. It’s probably radioactive.” Laurie sold us out.
“Oh Christ. I thought it was a murder or something.” Linda said, almost making the mistake of giggling at our mom, but a single sneer and a shot of mother’s evil eye, made her meek as a mouse.
“That thing could ‘eat’ a shark!” Laurie admitted to Linda.
“I’ve got to get a beer, excuse me.” Mom said to Linda, adding, “WILLIE! NOW!”
“We’re on it mom.” I stated. Vince looked at me, hoping I had a ‘someone else’ in mind when I said that,
“Oh no!” That thing hates me!” Vince stated, he clearly was backing out.
“...go in and find it.” I asked of him.
“Oh man... I knew you’d pick me.” Vince whined.
Vince slowly advanced to the door, opening it with ease... and clicked the light on. Linda’s husband, Obie, became interested in our hunt.
“So. You guy’s caught your mom a crab?” Obie asked me.
“Yeah.” I said, watching Vince’s progress as he entered..
Vince disappeared into the bathroom, hopping quickly up on the counter, as I took over guarding the door.
“See him yet?” I asked through the inch crack.
“No... Yeah! I found him... He hiding behind the toilet.” Vince said, quickly coming back as I opened the door to let him out.
“We need weapon’s!” I told him in the hallway, “Get something to protect us with.”
Vince shot to the bedroom, soon to come back with a plastic bat and a small guitar, minus the strings. He handed me the bat and with a puzzled look at his choice of weapons, I asked,
“What do you want me to do with this thing, Feed it to him?”
“No,” Vince replied. “If he comes your way, you just bop him... If he comes my way... I’m going to el-ka-bong him into next week!” Obie began laughing at Vince and me.
“What so funny?” Vince asked him.
“You guy’s need some help catching this little critter?” He asked trying to hide his giggle at us.
I looked at Vince, and he was so angry at the man’s insult, he didn’t know what to say to the man. Mom, again, standing behind Obie… made him keep his anger bottled. So, I had to answer,
“Doesn’t it make you wonder? You know our mom, just how small of a ‘critter’ would it have to be, to make ‘her’ scream like that?” I stated, and although I’d just ‘sassed’ an elder... mom never corrected me. The best part was, it did shut him up for a few minutes.
I opened the bathroom door a crack, grabbing my bath towel I’d hung on the rack, just inside the door. I looked behind the door. If he was there, I’d of just flung the door open, smashing him against the back wall.
It wasn’t back there, and I didn’t see it out in the open either. Closing the door, I held up our newest weapon in our arsenal... The net!
“Where is he?” Vince asked, Obie watching over my brothers shoulder.
“Didn’t see him, its got to be behind the toilet.” I told him.
Obie, out of the blue, barged his way past both my brother and me, and on into the bathroom, slamming the door wide open.
“Alright, Now that you small fries got it cornered, I’ll handle it from here on out. Thanks for the help boys.” Obie bragged, walking boldly into the bathroom.
We both looked at him as if he was a complete idiot, and a ‘bare footed’ one at that!
“You do realize. You have no shoes?” I asked, as I seemed, by his reaction, this minor fact I had just pointed out had no effect on his ego.
“It’s only a crab.” Obie said, heading over by the toilet.
“That right, a ‘little one’!” I said to my brother, who in kind, replied,
“Oh yeah, it’s a really ‘small one’...” Vince said, beaming ear to ear.
At first we thought he was going to attempt a barehanded assault, (A ‘bare-toed’ assault was the way we saw it). As he seemed to bend over to peer behind the toilet, he seemed to freeze in a stare at it. Vince tapped me, pointing to Obie’s toes. The man was ‘wiggling’ his own toes... Why the man would wiggle his toes at a crab like that... It truly confused me.
“Holy Shimoly!” Obie said, realizing the size of this ‘thing’, and just how unprotected he was.
The crab, also realized that it was best to strike while the iron was still hot, eyeing the bit’s of moving food, decided it was hungry and disappeared out of sight. Now there was two sides of the toilet… Obie was eyeing it on one side, so it went around to the other side and attacked from there...
“Where did you go? Here crabby. Where are you?” Obie said, realizing he had lost contact with it, and he didn’t like the point where he found it...
“Oh, WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!”
With its claw’s bared, moving in after those wiggling toes, Obie moved faster than anything either of us had ever seen in our lives.
Avoiding the snapping claws of the crab, which were now in clear view, he danced backwards… jumping a solid three foot in the air as his feet splashed into the tub. A splash that saved his toes... the crab snapped, angry at the fact it hadn’t acquired any ‘toe food’. Vince, sliding on in, jumped up on the sink counter and walked to the toilet, which attracted the crab’s attention, bringing it back to the toilet. In a similar move, I hopped onto the sink, closing the door behind me.
“Slick move, Obie…” I said, he his was just starting to realize he was standing in six inches of water.
“That thing’s huge!” Obie said, as the crab’s claws tried to reach around the toilet bowl to Vince, who stood tipi-toed in it middle.
“Naw, just a ‘small’ crab...” I said, adding, “... I thought you had everything under control?”
“Jeez! I, I’ve never seen a crab that size, in my own life!” Obie spoke, his eyes big as marbles.
“Naw, just a small crab,” Vince echoed Obie’s prior words.
“No now, don’t get me wrong boys. I’ve seen big crab’s before... That thing! Look at the size of its claw’s!”
“I know... and it keep’s wanting to arm wrestle my brother.” I told him, watching Vince just pissing off the crab by wiggling his foot off the opposite side of the toilet.
“Be careful there kid, that ‘thing’ might win!” Obie stated openly to my brother.
As Vince changed sides of the toilet, it seemed the crab realized he was doing it, and would dash to the other side after it. Then, it leaped up almost a half a foot off the tiled floor, snapping at Vince’s retreating foot, he quickly abandoned the toilet, landing onto the sink counter with me
“I... I, you see that! Crab’s isn’t supposed to do that! It’s actually intelligent!” Obie noted out loud.
“Probably knows how to ‘roll over and play fetch’ too. Don’t mean I’m going to put a leash on it.” Vince mocked at it. It responded by openly snapping its claws at Vince’s voice.
“I’d swear it understands you?” Obie said as he was stunned at the crab’s actions towards my brother.
“Okay, Vince, time for plan B.” I said to my brother, who crouched next to me.
“What’s plan ‘B’?” Obie asked, now willing to try any idea on the board.
“Watch…” I told him, adding, “Vince, get him to hide at the back of the toilet.”
“No problem.” Vince said, just wiggling his foot near the back of the toilet. Sure as time, the crab went after it. Disappearing behind the toilet out of view, Vince quickly withdrew his feet.
“Okay. Now, we’re going to need a pot and a lid.” I said, opening the door a crack. Obie’s wife was standing right there, concern staring back at me.
“Is everything alright?” She asked, actually sticking her head inside.
“Honey... You should see the size of this thing!” Obie said, as the crab must have heard. Her voice and decided to investigate. Seeing her head, and the door slightly open, it made a bee-line for it, as I raised my legs high off the floor
“Oh crap!” Linda said, her eye’s getting as big as half dollar’s, as the crab zipped towards her.
“Close the door!” I said, pushing her head out of the door, almost closing her head in it.
The door finally closed as I could hear Linda squeal on the other side of the door.
“Honey …honey,” Obie called out.
“Oh baby... EW... Baby... you just stay safe!” She called through the door.
“The boy’s have an idea...” Obie called out, attracting the crab who now snapped at the side of the tub,
“Any ideas,” Linda called back through the closed door.
“Yeah… They need a pot and a lid.... Big enough to ‘catch it’,” Obie’s voice echoed in the small bathroom.
“I don’t think we have a pot ‘that big’...” Linda stated through the door.
I heard mumbling between mom and Linda. Mom was trying to get an idea of how big this crab was. As Linda described its size to her, Mom was sure she was lying and opened the door to look her self. Though I wasn’t about stop her, she took a quick look at the crab, which had well spotted her too. But this time, instead of ‘charging the door’… it lowered it claws and quickly skittered behind the toilet again.
“Damn!” Obie said, seeing its reaction to mom’s scowl.
“You better go hide...” Mom stated to it, “Okay... I’ll be back.” Mom had realized ‘no one’ was lying about its size.
Being as how Mom worked at the restaurant behind our apartment, she called her boss... And in five minutes, a huge pot and a lid made its way into our bathroom.
“Hey crabby-crabby, your about to become ‘la-crab’ soup!” Vince said, adding, “... Where you’ll be able to perform a castanets instrumental, all while splashing around in some nice boiling water.”
The crab was responding by snapping at Vince’s taunt’s, in what seemed to be a death threats. Noticing this, I said to him,
“Vince, I think his last request would be... for you to ‘somehow’ slip off this counter.” I said, trying to organize the huge pot and lid in a usable spot.
Ready now, pot and lid in hand, I told Obie,
“I need you to distract it...” I said to him. Obie didn’t seem to like this idea…
“How am suppose to do that?” He questioned.
“How else, try sticking your foot out there. Besides, it will stop your toes from pruning.” I told him.
“Yeah, and if your unlucky, you may never have to worry about that again.” Vince said, in a snicker.
“Ha-ha... Not funny ‘child’.” Obie said, adding, “ Remember ‘shrimp’, if I get bit... you’ll be it’s last meal.”
Setting the pot and lid behind me, I readied the towel… It took a little nerve, but slowly Obie stuck his foot out to the crab.
“Alright... Here crabby.” Obie stated it only once. It worked better than a mating call. I quickly realized I hadn’t explained what I was going to do to Obie, or, my brother.
It was now or never, and tossed the towel over it. It was a good shot and completely covered the crab. The crab froze. Obie, seeing this, got macho again, and before I could hold my hand out to stop him, he jumped down onto the towel, pinning the crab underneath. Though the crab couldn’t seem to get out, it did manage to turn around... Then it remained perfectly still.
Vince got brave enough to hop down off the counter himself, but it must have been the vibrations that caused the crab to react… the huge lump somehow, extending a single claw out from underneath the towel and latched right onto Obie’s big toe!
“IIIIIIYYYEEEEEEEEE!” Obie screamed, as his face contorted in pain! This really scared Vince, who had thought of getting into the tub until he saw Obie falling backwards ‘butt first’ into the tub, kicking and screaming, trying to dislodge the crab off his foot.... “Get it Off!” He was kicked at the still towel covered beast with his other foot. Though it all, I thought the crab, in all it’s flying around, was actually going to either, land in the tub with him, or break free and come sailing my way...
Vince rebounded off tub in the excitement and tried to jump back onto the toilet. In one of Obie’s flailing kick’s, sent the crab on dislodge, cart-wheeling towards straight towards Vince’s head!
In a near miss, by ducking, the crab slapped the back-wall and dropped behind the toilet, but Vince, still on the move, and was now climbing up past me and hovering over the big pot in the corner, the look on his face showed his terror… He was just trying to get out of harms way.
As fast as it began, it stopped. The crab had let go and was again hiding behind the toilet, and at the least, half dazed. A sudden banging came at the door,
“Obie.. Hon? You alright?” Linda asked through the door.
“Ow, Ow, Ow!” Obie began whining, “The darn thing nearly bit off my toe!”
“You alright,” She asked again.
“No! I’m not ‘alright’! I’m bleeding!” He wailed, grabbing his toe as if he’d just kicked something sharp.
Looking down at his big toe, which he was starting to examine himself, I noticed the mortal wound in awe. The crab’s claw had clamped on between the nail and the first knuckle, and it was bleeding freely.
As if a thought had suddenly struck him, he looked me seriously in the eye as if to say this is ‘all you’re fault’ and reached into his back pocket pulling out his water-logged wallet. Now, he was mad! And Vince, seeing the look he was giving me, stated,
“If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen...”
“Oh, you’re one to talk…” I almost laughed at him.
Then came a ‘sharp rap’ on the door. We both knew it was mom,
“Don’t you talk to your elders that way, Obie, you alright?” Mom asked, opening the door.
“That thing tried to make me mister ‘nine toes’. I think I’m going to need stitches.” Obie said, in real pain.
“Come on out here, so we can take a better look at that.” Mom stated her voice so warm and caring. Then, in her angry tone as she had helped Obie through the door, she stated,
“Willie, enough playing around… get it! NOW!”
“We’re trying….” I said, throwing in a positive tone.
My brother, not wanting to see the look on her face, pretended to keep the crab at bay. Walking away, I could hear his wife Linda exclaiming,
“Oh jeez honey, that thing really bit you!”
“No kidding, I think it broke the bone!” Obie said. The door closed leaving us trapped in here with this thing. I looked at the droplets of blood leading out the door. It reminded me of the power those claws had. Vince getting away from mom, had gone back to the toilet lid.
“Okay... Vince? Where is it?” I asked him, my heart beating like a trip hammer.
“Still here in the far corner, But it’s frothing at the mouth ‘really’ bad. Can crabs get rabies?” Vince asked me as I handed him the lid to the pot. I gave him the ‘stupid’ look.
“Okay…Here... This is what we’re going to do.” I began to explain my plan…
He took the plastic bat and the shield and stood ready on the toilet. In one hand was the plastic bat, the other was the pot lid... Vince was now was ready to slay the dragon! I picked up the pot and hopped over to the tub. Draining the water out, I soon kneeled down facing the toilet and holding the pot high, I stated to Vince,
“Alright... scare him out.”
Vince began. Banging the plastic bat between the wall and the toilet, it worked ‘oh-so-well’, as the crab was now heading directly towards me, unaware of the large pot quickly coming down.
As if trying to catch lightening in a thimble, I slammed the pot to the floor, and the racket that ensued, told of its capture. My brother, poised in such a position, he seemed to be stating, ‘I’ll smack you back to the sea if you even try to break through that metal container
“Vince... The lid! Give me the lid.” I commanded of him.
While I held down the pot with one hand, I took the lid in the other, starting to slide it under.. The crab, fighting to free it’s self, managed to slip out one of its huge claws, trying to flip over the pot.
“Oh, no you don’t!” I exclaimed as Vince repeatedly warned me of the claw sticking out. Having the lid completely in place, I slammed my full body weight onto the top of the pot. The crab went ‘nuts’ inside the pot. Sliding the flat lid under it, I carefully flipped the whole thing ‘right-side-up’, keeping to make ‘real sure’ the lid stayed in place.
“We got it!” I exclaimed, as Vince quickly bounce over me and opened the bathroom door.
As I marched into the living room, I carried the pot high in triumph. I noticed Obie on the couch, his toe bandaged and drinking some ice tea. He still didn’t look to happy about this whole thing.
Setting the pot on the stove, per mom’s instructions.. I held the lid, moving it back as she pour the water in. Then, taking over, she held the lid and turned on the gas stove, I watched, as the crab got real angry for a while. The whole while mom stated,
“…Cook, baby, cook!”
Soon it was all over, the beast from the sea was dead, and it suddenly surprised me, to see Vince handing mom its other claw,
“I found this in the bathroom.” He stated to her, acting like the ‘true warrior’ of this whole thing.
“Oh... One of its claws… Toss it in.” Mom stated.
“Another crabby claw for the pot...” Vince smiled, tossing it in.
“Willie... Would you like to get this ‘old boot’ out of my house now?” Mom asked. And it seemed with that, the neighbors were soon heading back home, Tara was again asleep, Laurie was glaring at the one eyed baby-sitter and Vince stood on a chair, watching mom cook the crab. Before dinner was to be served, I walked down stairs carrying it barnacle covered boot, I was glad to throw away this thing, stating to myself, “We’ve all had our fill of this ‘booted monster’.”

THE END