One

I made my Mom proud today. I cried. I smiled. I took a deep breath in. I heard her say,
      "Good job, Ang. You've taught her well."
And I replied a simple,
      "Thank you."
I felt her warmth and comfort all around me, although I could not feel her arms or her embrace.

In three days, it will be five years that my Momma's soul left this Earth and went home. I don't feel I need to go through all the details, at least for now. So in a couple of sentences...

My Mom had a brain aneurysm that burst on June 23, 2003. She survived through surgery, and we thought she was in the clear. Two weeks later, she had two strokes as she slept. When she awoke, she was trapped in a body that could not speak for her or take care of itself. She remained this way for 8 months. On January 28, 2008 (this is what the death certificate says at least) she let go. She went to Heaven leaving many to miss her. Among these many, it is her four children that miss her the most.

I am the oldest. I am Angela. I am 25. I am a mother of a beautiful baby girl. I am a wife to a man I love so deeply. I am a friend to many, and a best friend to few. I am my father's daughter, biologically, and my mother's daughter to the fullest extent. I am the eldest sister to twin younger brothers and a younger sister. It was after a phone call from my younger sister today, that my Momma told me she was proud.

When my mother got sick and the doctor told us she would never fully recover from the strokes, I made the decision to become the legal guardian of my younger siblings. It was scary, but necessary. We never had a father that could actually be a father. It was my resposibility, and in the end became my honor.

Christine, my baby sister, called to tell me that God had laid it on her heart that she should apologize to a girl that she new she'd hurt. For my sister, this is was a huge step in spiritual maturity. And at the age of 19, it was admirable. She read me the email she sent to the girl she had wrong. She told me how she had to wait patiently for a response to come or not to come. She read me the response she received 3 days later. As she moved from sentence to sentence in her story, my heart filled with pride for my sister. When she finished I told her how proud of her I was, and that's when I heard it.

    "And I'm proud of you," Momma said. She continued, "It's because of you and the way you raised her, that she is the young woman she is. Thank you for raising my baby."

At this time in my life, I am struggling to stay strong. I am struggling to see my worth. I am trying my hardest to be the best mother and wife for my family. I wonder all the time if I am doing a good enough job. You see, not only was my mother my Momma, she was my best friend. She was the person I confided in about everything. She was that person I would call to talk about everything from an awesome parking spot I found to the boy I liked that week. I talked to her about all of my decisions before and unfortunately, sometimes after I made them. She was the person who told me the truth at all times, regardless of how hard it was to hear. Above all she made sure I knew how special I was. She never let me forget that I was a wondeful person with a huge heart. She told me often that I had a Heavenly Father, and was a child of God. She loved me so much, and still does. Love is eternal, and I felt her love tonight.