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Ever wonder what the Red and Blue armies think of the recent US Elections? |
RED vs. BLUE Season 6 PSA 1 “R.U.N (Racially Unbiased Nation)” Written by: el Donzo [Opening Titles] Church: Hello everyone. As you know, my name is Leonard Church from the ever popular web-series Red vs. Blue. Donut: And I am Frankl--(is cut off) Grif: Shut-the-hell-up Pinky! Donut: (crying) I already told all of you IT’S LIGHTISH RED!! Church: No, it’s not! Look at the damn cue cards, your lines are in the same color as your armor. [All look at straight into Camera A] Grif: Holy-fucking shit! (turns to look at Church) Church: (looks over at Grif) What?! Grif: I never noticed the goddamn cue cards before. Simmons (off camera): They’re new, we just installed them last week. Grif: It took us six years to get cue cards?! Sarge (off camera): Actually, we received them from Roosterteeth two years ago, we just didn’t install them until now. Tucker: (runs into frame and looks into Camera A) Cue cards… BITCHIN‘!! Burnie (off camera): Okay guys we're getting off topic here. We're gonna restart, ya know take a mulligan on this one. [STATIC then Black] Burnie (off camera): Take two. [Opening Titles] Church: Hello everyone. As you know, my name is Leonard Church from the ever popular web-series Red vs. Blue. Grif: And I’m Dexter Grif, still the star of the series. Church: As you all know the United States has a new President. Grif: That’s right, and we wanted to say just how proud we all are that the U.S. could put aside their racial differences and elect Barrack Obama, a black man, as the 44th President of the United States of America. Church: We also would like this opportunity to congratulate the person who won our own election as Governor of This Crap-Hole Canyon, ladies and gentlemen, Governor-elect Michael J. Caboose. Caboose: [enters frame and looks into the camera] I would just like to say,… I don’t know how I won. Grif: Neither do I. Church: Popular vote, dumbassses…it’s called Democracy. Sister: Yeah, but who the fuck voted for him?! Simmons: It was a secret ballot. Tucker: What the fuck-diddly-uck does that mean?! Church: OH MY GOD! You’re all retards! Donut: I demand a recount!! Doc: He won two to one over everybody, because just about everyone else voted for themselves. Simmons: We know that Caboose voted for himself because he wrote in blue crayon, it was kinda obvious. [fade to black. End credits begin] Caboose (voice-over): As my first act as governor I declare light-ish red a non-color. Donut (voice-over): Dammit! Dammit!! Dammit!!! [Gunshots heard] Church (voice-over): Man, an attempted assignation BEFORE he takes office this term is gonna rock!! [end] |