"Untitled"

Today is a new beginning for me. This is what I keep telling myself as I walk into the grandiose lobby of my new Psychiatrists office tower. It took me three missed appointments and two weeks of telling myself that, this was the right thing to do in order for me to come into the office today. The Dr. was tired of me rescheduling, and was to the point that he would not schedule any more appointments until I reassured him that I was coming in today.
As I walk into the brightly lit lobby, I keep my sunglasses on. I appreciate the barrier they give me to the outside world. There is a security guard desk in the middle of the lobby, so I kept walking toward the guard at the desk. I asked him what floor Dr. William's office was on; the guard responded the 33rd floor without looking at me. I realized he was looking at a magazine pretty intensely, so he had not bothered looking up when giving the answer. When he did look up he seemed a little surprised.

As I walked toward the elevator, I immediately asked myself if this was the right thing to do. I knew the look the security gave me was because I was a sistah. I had discussed this same thing with my girlfriends the night before, about black people going to get help from a therapist. Most of my friends agreed that they did not have time to pay someone to talk to about problems they had. They figured if it was not broken do not fix it. GOD would work it out. I believed that GOD would fix it, but I also believe that GOD was telling me to visit Dr. Williams so he could also help to fix it. I knew that GOD was trying to tell me something, so here I am incognegro.
I jump on the elevator on my way the Dr's office, and make my way all the way to the back where I can lean against the back wall. I press myself against the wall as people enter and exit the elevator on different floors. I watch as the numbers get closer to 33 and my heart beats a little faster. Finally, 33 popped up and the elevator dings as the doors open. I am the only person on the elevator by this time, so I take a deep breath in and begin my walk to the receptionist’s desk.

I tell her that I am here to see the Dr. and she smiles and ask what my name is, I tell her that Monique Taylor is my name. She looks down at her schedule book checks my name, tells me that the doctor will call for shortly me shortly, and points me in the direction of the very modern decorated waiting area. I smile and thank her while walking toward this steel gray, red and purple room. The color scheme although a bit loud for my taste went well together. I sat down at an empty chair. I was the only one in the waiting area and was relieved about it. I took my sunglasses off and put them in my bag. I sat back in the chair and looked out the huge window in the room. I knew I could not walk up to the window because I would have a bad case of vertigo. I did not need anything else to rattle my nerves before I got in to see Dr. Williams.

I let my head fall back and closed my eyes to calm down my insides. I was so nervous that I could actually hear my heartbeat. I let out a few deep breaths. I asked myself why this was so hard for me to do. Before I could answer my own question, I heard footsteps walk into the waiting area and a deep voice called out my name. I slowly pulled my head up and opened my eyes. I focused my eyes in the direction the voice came from. I saw a middle age short man with salt pepper hair and kind eyes. I knew when I sized this man up that I would make the right decision.
I walked down the carpeted hall behind the doctor. My heart was beating so hard I could hear it. Once he walked into the room, he turned around and looked at me while hand gesturing me to come in. I smiled and continued to walk through the door. I was not surprised that his desk was as big as it was. There was an earth tone color scheme in this room. It made me feel a little more comfortable about what I was doing.

I sat down in the overstuffed leather chair positioned in front of his desk. I made sure I did not look at the couch, situated on the back wall close to the closed door. Dr. Williams went around his desk and sat in the oversized leather chair. He picked up a manila folder and asked me how I was doing on this fine day. I mumbled an all right and continued to look around the office. Half of me wanted to find something that would make me get up and walk out.
The only things he had on his walls were the certificates from every school he attended. I sat there and waited for him to ask me the first question. The doctor seemed to take me in and size me up. His first question threw me off. He asked me why I was here. I looked at him and took a deep breath. I knew that the only way to start this was to start at the beginning. I looked up at the ceiling and knew I would go over the hour allotted for me. I took a deep breath, and I opened my mouth and I began.........................