Raindrops in the Night

She sat in her bed, sheets twisted tightly around her legs. It seemed as though there was no air left in the room for her to breathe in. She tried desperately to keep her screams in this night. Wiping the sweat from her face, she untangled her legs from the writhing sheets and stood to look out her balcony window. The rain was coming down in a torrential flow. She could hardly see through the rivulets to the city lights below. Oh how she wished she had stayed away. Maybe the nightmares would have stayed away as well.

Dreaming of the lost country air, she resigned herself to yet another night of sleepless hours. Deftly, she set to the normal routine of making her 2 am pot of coffee and then went to take a cool shower to wash the filth of her nightmares away. It was time to forget and lose herself in the massive workload she had so graciously accepted from the office in return for the virtue of working from the safety of her private fortress.

Advancements and achievements she had many to her resume. If they only knew the demons their workhorse was really running from, they would probably fire her and lock her away. Retaining sanity and not giving into the dark dreams was a daily battle and one not waged lightly.

She could feel the stares and hear the whispers from those that insisted they knew all of her personal story. Though no truth in the rumors existed, she quietly allowed them to think what they wished and say what they would. Why should she be the savior of her own reputation when it was so much easier to hide. People would think what they wanted anyway regardless of whether it held any truth or not. Gossip was gossip and had been around for ages before her and would remain after she was gone. At least while at home, she no longer had to feel the heat of the stares or the constraints of the glass walls of the office.

Feeling slightly refreshed after a hot cup of coffee, fresh clothes and a cool shower, she stared at her reflection in the glass panes of her patio doors. Streaks of raindrops contorting her features into a melted wad of goo, she saw her sad eyes running and her full lips held in a taut grimace. How the memories had aged her much farther than her thirty years.

Dark circles hid her now dull green eyes. There had once been so much fire in her stare. She could bring the truth forth from the most forked tongue with just one long look. Her once radiant beauty and casual innocence had faded into more of a wholesome girl next door meets crack look. God, what had happened to her? She felt anger rising like bile inside her as she forced herself to pull the shades and turn away. She couldn't change the past and now it seemed as though she could not go forward either.