Needling Press - Editorial

Editorial

The Two-Headed Boy

A Second Look

Editorial by Joan Tangle

Senior Editor - Needling Press



          In order to obtain an objective view on this startling issue, Needling’s readers must hear both sides of the story. And I do not mean from head one and head two! Unfortunately, Virulent Chemical Corporation was unwilling to answer most of our questions. We asked John Fault, Senior Vice President of Finance, for comments on the Winsome settlement.

          “I think the Winsomes are crooks! Just because that boy is an inbred freak doesn’t mean that…”

          At this point, the phone was taken over by another representative who tried his best to gloss over the comments of his colleague. When asked for details about the case, the representative, who refused to give his name or title, had this to say:

          “The only reason that we agreed to settle this situation out of court was to spare that child the embarrassment. The Winsomes certainly would have lost the case, but Janice Winsome would stop at nothing to get some money. That includes doing irreversible damage to the child’s ego. We had no desire to drag the poor boy into court. We gave them a settlement large enough to see that the child’s second hea… excuse me, tumor, could be removed. While I do hope that this settlement gives Conrad Winsome the ability to live a normal life, I very much doubt that his mother will let him see a dime of the money. Still, being a civil-minded corporation, we at VCC thought that it was worth the risk.”

          When asked to comment on the actual amount of the settlement, the anonymous representative had nothing to say. Despite numerous attempts to contact other members of the VCC faculty and legal representatives, we received no answers.

          Our readers deserve to know the truth of this matter! Did Conrad “Two-Head” Winsome receive enough money for an operation? Or did he receive far more, as our sources have informed us? Needling Press demands answers!

          We at Needling Press would also like to extend our congratulations to the Winsomes for duping a major corporation out of some unneeded funds. Conrad, we salute you. Twice!