Daily Write

It is the first week of January 2010

On New Years day I turned on the television and found a young Catholic priest speaking on Family. This will be a spiritual year of family and deep long lost friendships. Already Facebook has united so many of my relatives and people I haven't spoken to in years. One after the other and it's only the first week.

Healthy addictions, new habits to replace the old. It feels like renewal. The air is cold. This is the time of cocoons. I find myself hibernating more. Seclusion is good, keeping warm,listening to my own heart beating. Not to the world, but to me. I can feel myself slowing down or wanting to. Where there was a time I didn't know I deserved that. Rest, peace, satisfaction. Satisfied with a good meal and a safe warm place to sleep. Clean fresh surroundings, people who are glad to see me. Writing the words splashing around in my head. Acknowledging when I am taking myself too seriously or not seriously enough. There is a balance to this year. A tight rope to freedom. Demanding that I stay in the middle so I can see both sides clearly. Writing to be read by me. In December I asked myself,what would I write if no one was going to read it? What do have to say to me? What do I have to say to me? What do I want to hear?

I stepped out of the house and felt awake and aware. Daily I am glad to have some where to go. Gratitude is new. I don't think I have been grateful. It's a feeling not a saying, perfectly silent knowing understood where everything stands still. I have woken up from dreams glad to be me right where I am. Relieved to have a safe place to land. This is the happiest I've been. This is the most open I have felt. This is the most aware I have been. The winter of my 42nd year is perfectly clear.