Falling

Our sweaty shirts stuck to our bodies like leeches. Every awkward movement through the packed venue was painful and a little too close for comfort, but we knew it would be worth it.
“Close enough?” Luke asked, looking from me and Savana to the stage and back.
“Well I’m squashed enough as it is, trying to get further in will be like hell!” Savana replied. Luke smiled and turned back to look at the stage, which wasn’t more than four meters away. The lights were all on, yet a foggy mist embraced the room in a way that made it seem dark and eerie. Constantly being swayed to and fro by the restless crowd was almost nauseating, but we all hung on knowing that the concert would make up for every push and shove. The support acts had been amazing; we’d all screamed the lyrics and danced like no one was watching. We were having so much fun, no amount of sweaty men and awkward small talk would ruin it for us.

The lights went down, and the crowd surged forward. Savana grabbed my hand, mouthing ‘don’t let go!’ I nodded back and turned to face the stage, standing on my tiptoes to watch the band walk out onto stage. Impact on my forehead, an elbow to my face. The man behind me acted as nothing more than another sharp edge to bounce off as his head collided with mine. Roaring music began and the crowd pushed, rocking me violently into other painful and disjointed accidents. My hand loosened on Savana’s. My head loosened on reality. It was like static noise in my eyes, in my mind. I tried to escape, but the more I pushed to go back, the more they pushed me forward. I could hardly see, hardly breathe in the harsh humid air. Dizzying movements and spaced-out pushing. My head hurt. Blurry faces, callous noise. My head really, really hurt. Darkness engulfing, inconsiderate pain. And now my head was spinning…spinning…spinning…

I opened my eyes. Where the hell am I? I can’t hear anyone else talking, just background noise. Like there’s a CD player on full volume locked in a vault. I tried to get up, everything ached. I pulled on the handle of the cubicle, but I’d locked it. Or at least someone had. I used the walls, the floor, the door to help myself to my feet. After fiddling with the lock, I managed to pull open the door. The toilets were empty, completely deserted. I’ll just go back out to the concert, then. Stumbling from one foot to the other, I tried to make it to the door. But my head had other plans. The floor, the floor wants company…

I woke up again. This time in full view of whoever had entered the toilets in the past 5...10...15 minutes. Again, I heaved myself to my feet. I’m not missing this band! I’m going to see them, I’m going to sing along and dance and enjoy it. I used all my energy to swing the door open, and the music hit me like a wave of bricks. Stumbling and stuttering through the crowd, I tried to find someone I knew. Anyone. Peirce? Ben? I can’t remember where they were. I slumped my heavy torso onto the bar, and without having to say a word, a cup of water was placed in my hand. I tried to thank the bartender, but the words stubbornly held my tongue captive. Trying to steady the uncontrollable shaking of my hands, I drank it. Someone else fell against the bar, and a flimsy plastic cup was placed in her hand, too. I turned round. Savana! It took a while for her to recognize me through the smudged make up and heavy eyes, but the genuine look of happiness she sent was enough for me to forgive her.

Without asking, she grabbed my hand and led me back into the sweaty, dirty crowd. In all honesty, I was happy to watch from the back. My head still span, and with every step I felt closer and closer to falling. Looking up, I saw them all again. Oblivious to the fact that I was on the borderline of passing out at any second, they all regarded me and continued to shout and dance. I didn’t mind, I just wasn’t going to join them any time soon.
“Are you alright?” Scott shouted into my ear. I looked up into his eyes that instantly made me feel weak at the knees.
“I’m fine, just a bit…” but before I could finish my sentence, I fell against his shoulder, limp as a ragdoll. Placing a firm arm around my waist, and pulling my own arm over his shoulder, he pulled me out of the crowd and back towards the bar where I was greeted by another weak little plastic cup. Scott held my shaking body as I drank carefully. I turned back round to face him, and he led me to a less crowded area. He kept his arms around me, helping me remain stable and upright. And I tried so hard to stay awake, to stay conscious, just for the rest of the night.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, and I loved how he cared. If I’d asked myself the question: what means more to Scott? Me or Alexisonfire? I would’ve answered Alexisonfire every time. I liked how I was wrong. I looked up, and before I could answer his lips were on mine, and it felt like home. Like all along I’d just needed him. It was the kind of moment you never want to pass, and know you’ll never forget. I wanted to hold onto him, never leave his side.

And it was a weird way to fall in love, but it was certainly the most gorgeous incident.