Welcome to My Dream

The past few weeks of Charlie’s life had just been on overdrive.  She was getting ready for an out of state conference, her grandfather had just passed away and now her phone was ringing off the hook.  She glanced down at her cell phone to see who it was and couldn’t stop from groaning. Great, just what she needed!  Flipping it open she answered with her typical acerbic tone. 

    “Hey, Shithead!”

    “Hey, Dummy!”  It was the standard greeting between she and her brother, one that was expected unless something was really seriously wrong.

    “Sweetheart, I’m scared.  They are making me leave and I don’t know where else to go.”  It was a good thing that Charlie hadn’t started her car already or she would have run off the road.  Why her?  Why now?  There was no denying, to anyone who knew her, that she loved her brother.  Hell the two of them were closer than most any siblings had a right to be, and that was just fine with them. 

    The problem was that he was currently in a drug rehab program, the same one he had been in at least two other times.  It had started to seem to her that the only time Dennis entered into it was when he was about to be tossed out onto the street.  There had been a time when Charlie had opened her door to him, but the last time she had he had broken all her rules.  There were to be no drugs in her house.  After the last time, he had left not only his paraphernalia lying around but also a bag of weed in the bathroom; she had vowed that he wasn’t going to use her as a stopping point anymore. 

    If she had just been living with her boyfriend then maybe she could have dealt with it, but she had a little girl that she was trying her hardest to keep away from that kind of life.

    “Are you still there?”  His plaintive tone reached through to her inner thoughts and she barely refrained from sighing her disgust into the phone.

    “Yeah, yeah I’m here.  So what you’re asking me is if you can come stay with Dale and me?”  Why had she just given him the invitation to ask?  Even before he opened his mouth to respond she could already hear his reply.

    “It’s just for a couple of days, babe.  I met this guy in rehab….he is going to help me get some money so I can get my own place…go back to school.  I was thinking of becoming a massage therapist.  You know I give the best back rubs around.”  There it was!  That sweet brother moment, Charlie could practically see the puppy dog eyes and the you-know-you-love-me smile.

    “And how is that?”  There was no hiding the exasperated tone of her voice that time.  It seemed that Dennis always had a scheme; unfortunately he never followed through on any of them.  It was just a shame that she couldn’t see the future in this instance.

    “Just come and get me from here and I will tell you all about it.” 

    “Fine, just give me a few.  I was getting ready to head to mom and dad’s, they are having a hard time with Grandpa’s death, as are we all.”  Charlie realized then that maybe Dennis hadn’t heard and waited for some sign that he even cared.  Not hearing any she hung up the phone and put the car into gear.  Thinking about all that had been happening to her lately brought a fresh burst of tears as she drove towards the rehab clinic.

    Charlie and her grandfather had just started to get to know one another.  There had been no communications between him and the rest of the family since an ill-fated get together some years before.  Now he was living with her mom and dad because his wife was starving him to death and he was senile.  It wasn’t like her Aunt was going to step up to the plate and be responsible; she and her newest husband were running around the world trying to scam people for some religious commune thing. 

    Since Charlie was working from home it turned out to be the best possible situation.  Either her mom or dad would drop Grandpa off with her in the morning, and Charlie would take care of him during the day while she worked.  Then in the afternoon her mom would pick him back up.  It had been working out wonderfully.  While they had breakfast and lunch they would talk and get to know each other.  Charlie would make all her phone calls while Grandpa and Miranda, her daughter, would go for an afternoon walk up to get soda’s and junk food that they both thought they were hiding from her.  Later in the afternoon mom would pick him up again.  It had become a routine that Charlie had both enjoyed and looked forward to every morning. 

    Grandpa had been getting a bit homesick to go see California so the last Friday that Charlie and Miranda spent with him was to be the last for a week or so.  It turned out to be their last ever.  The next day Charlie got a call from her mom in a panic.  Something was wrong with Grandpa.  It was an hour or so until she got another call letting her know what happened.  Grandpa had an embolism and he wasn’t going to make it.  The next seven hours were something of a blur to her.  She stayed at the hospital and hospice for as long as she could, but finally the sound of his labored breathing, jumping up when he would stop and hoping he wouldn’t start again became too much and she had to go.  How was she going to tell Miranda?  Well her dad came to the rescue on that score.  Though honestly, Miranda didn’t really seem to understand. 

    Now, just a few days later and her brother was calling to leak all over her, but he was her brother.  It’s not like she could just turn away.  If he was honest this time, and was willing to stay off the drugs finally she would offer him all the help she could, even if it meant pissing off Dale.  Dale was just her boyfriend, but Dennis was her family.  Pulling up into the parking lot of the rehab center, she sat in her car for a few minutes and tried to wipe away the signs of her grief.  Looking into the rear view mirror she grimaced, swearing that the last few days had aged her well past her 33 years.  Sighing she grabbed her purse and got out of the car, and into the rehab. 

    She hated this place!  The unsmiling receptionist looked up and Charlie could see the indecision on the woman’s face.  She caught a brief glimpse of the other woman’s thoughts.  Should she get the girl a gurney or have her searched before allowing her to visit a patient?  Not even bothering to smile, Charlie glared a moment before speaking.  “I am here to pick up Dennis Michaels.  He is being released.”  Sometimes having a gift like empathy really sucked.  The receptionist glanced down at her list and then pressed the intercom, letting the people in the back know that Dennis’ ride was there.  Her next thoughts were along the lines that it was no wonder Dennis was in rehab, too bad he couldn’t have gotten a straight friend to pick him up.

    Charlie was about ready to rip into the woman when Dennis comes striding out, grinning as though only half an hour before he hadn’t been near to crying.  Shaking her head, Charlie looked at him and then turned on her heel and walked out the door, not even bothering to greet him.  She was tired, tired of the grief and tired of having to come get Dennis from the rehab.  She wondered, not for the first time if he had actually been released or if he had signed himself out, again.

    Getting into the car without a word she sat behind the wheel as he loaded his belongs into the backseat and then climbed in with that cocky grin he was so known for.  “Thanks, dummy, I didn’t want to have to waste my SSI check on a taxi.”  Charlie was on the verge of turning to stare at him in disbelief.  The insensitive bastard!  Instead of the words all she could do was burst out crying.  Dammit!

    “Why in the world are you crying?”  He honestly didn’t seem to understand and that made it all the worse in Charlie’s eyes.  If he weren’t her brother she would have kicked him out of the car right then and there.  “Don’t you feel anything?  Don’t you even care that Grandpa is gone?”  Dennis looked at her as though she were losing her mind, and Charlie was starting to agree, but what she felt of his thoughts just made her cry all the harder.  There was nothing there, no grief, no feeling of needing to be there for those that were hurting, just on how he could score a bag and if he could talk her into driving him to his dealer. 

    She held up a hand to stop him from even asking for a ride to anywhere other than her house.  “Forget it, not five minutes out of rehab and your already thinking of getting high.  It’s not happening.  I will not enable you to ruin your life any more than you already have.”  Dennis made a noise in his throat and shook his head.  “I hate it when you do that!  I’m sorry that I am not all broken up over Grandpa, but I didn’t get to know him like you did.  He was never around or even there for me, so why should I feel anything?”  The worst part of that to Charlie was that he honestly didn’t understand.  If only Dennis had learned what it was to be part of a real family.  The past couldn’t be changed but maybe it wasn’t too late.  She had lost count of how many years she had thought that same thing in regards to Dennis.

    Not bothering to answer him she pulled out of the parking lot and headed to the house.  She only had another hour before she had to pick Miranda up from daycare.  So much for getting her packing done.  Dennis always had had the worst timing.  They drove in complete silence, Dennis thinking about the phone calls he needed to make and Charlie kicking herself mentally for once again falling into the trap of being the care giver to a person that didn’t have a single ounce of gratitude for anyone.

    Since she wasn’t about to take Dennis with her to the daycare she dropped him of at the house with a stern demand that he invite no one to her house, then hopped back in the car and quickly dialed Dale’s number.  As soon as he answered she knew it was going to be a fight.  His tone was angry and annoyed, and he already didn’t like her brother.  Sighing deeply to herself she forced a calm into her voice that she didn’t honestly feel.

    “Dale, listen, if you get home before me I just want you to know that Dennis is at the house.”  She paused here waiting for the outburst that she knew would follow.

    “God damn it, Charlie!  I told you after the last time that he wasn’t welcome in my house.  I don’t want him around Miranda, and I don’t want him around you.  All he ever does is fucking use you.  I’m getting tired of picking up the pieces for your friends and family that can’t ever seem to take care of themselves.”  His voice had gotten so loud that Charlie had had to pull the phone away from her ear and grimace.  Oh this wasn’t going well at all!

    “I know, baby, I know.  But he didn’t have anywhere else to go.  He’s my brother!  I can’t just turn him out in the streets.  I promise that he will be gone before I leave for Washington.  I promise!”  Charlie only hoped she could keep that promise as Dale grunted and hung up the phone, leaving Charlie feeling run down and exhausted.  Dropping the phone into her lap as she pulled up to a red light she closed her eyes and rested her forehead on the steering wheel, fighting the urge to give in to her emotions.  The honking of cars behind her brought her back to her surroundings and she continued to the daycare, trying her hardest to appear fine for Miranda’s sake.

    As she pulled into the parking lot her phone rang again, this time it was her mother.

    “Oh God!  Why me?!”  Answering the phone she quickly apologized to her mother for not coming over when she said she would and then listened to her mother’s five minute diatribe on the fact that they needed her right now and she should be spending time with her family.  Charlie parked the car as she listened and apologized again, dreading having to tell her mom and dad that Dennis was once again free from confinement.

    “Mom, listen to me a second.  Dennis is out of rehab, I had to go pick him up that’s why I haven’t been over.”  She closed her eyes at the silence on the other end of the line and just sat in her parking space, hoping that the news would go better than expected.

    “Tell me that you haven’t let him stay with you again, tell me that you are going to keep Miranda away from him.”  Her mother loved Dennis but she loved her granddaughter more, and face it, she was tired of picking up the pieces of Charlie’s heart when Dennis tore them apart.  “Charlie, you know he is just going to use you, run up your bills and tear your heart out.  He does this to you every time and you always fall for it.  Your smarter than this, hell, Charlie, you can hear what he is thinking!  You know what?  Forget it, I’m sorry.  He’s your brother and I know you, your heart’s too big.  I’ll let your dad know why you didn’t come over and I’ll call you tomorrow.”  With declarations of love they disconnected the call.  Charlie felt more exhausted than she had before.

    Walking into the daycare she could hear the worker’s internal thoughts of pity for her family’s current situation.  Miss Kimmy gave her a sad smile and lightly patted her on the arm offering her family their condolences which Charlie accepted, just managing to keep her eyes from tearing up again.  The Y had become like a family to she and Miranda and she had gotten to know the councilors there well.  With many thanks and watery smiles, Charlie managed to get Miranda bundled up and out to the car.

    “Guess what, Monkey?”  Miranda made a face at her mother over the nickname and then shrugged.  She had been quiet since her Grandpa Michaels had died.  Everyone had told her that he was in Heaven now, but she knew her mom didn’t believe in Heaven and Hell so it left her even more confused.  All she really understood was that the last time she had seen Grandpa she had cried when he left and told everyone it would be the last time that she ever saw him.  All the grown ups had said that he would only be gone for a week, but somehow Miranda had known, and now she was scared to say anything for fear that it would come true too.

    Charlie was worried about Miranda, she was too quiet, too withdrawn.  She and her mother had talked about Randi’s strange actions the day that Grandpa had left, both worried and a bit concerned that she should show signs of the family curse so soon.  Hell, they thought it might have ended with Charlie herself until puberty hit and it became apparent that it hadn’t gone away.  She didn’t want to think about that right now though, it was hard enough to deal with her own grief when she could feel everyone else’s trouble’s as well.  It was a wonder she hadn’t been locked up in a nut house as some of her past relative’s had been.  Since Randi wasn’t looking like she would answer, Charlie just blurted it out.

    “Uncle Dennis is going to be staying with us for a couple of days.  If you want you can stay home with me while he is here?”  She made it a question, Randi had felt horribly betrayed by her Uncle Dennis the last time when he had made all sorts of promises that had never been kept.  It was the first smile that Charlie had seen on Randi’s face in days and it made her heart feel lighter.  Too bad adults couldn’t be as forgiving as children.

    “I want to stay home!  Maybe he will play Playstation with me?  Do you think?  Will he take me for walks like Grandpa did? “  Charlie smiled at Randi and shrugged, while saying a little prayer to the Lord and Lady that Dennis didn’t disappoint Randi again.  It was with a lighter heart that Charlie drove home.  Just maybe, this time, things would be right, things would be better.

    As she pulled into her driveway though she couldn’t help but groan as she realized that no, nothing was getting better.  A bright red Mustang sat in her parking space, Dennis leaning in the window and talking animatedly to the man within.  Sending both men a glare strong enough it was a wonder neither of them dropped dead, she grabbed Randi’s hand to keep her from running to her Uncle Dennis.  Guiding the now reluctant child into the house and sending her to her room to get clean clothes on she dropped her purse and car keys onto her desk and sank wearily into her chair. 

    Glancing at the answering machine and the blinking message light she groaned, as she reached to push the button and grab a pen and notepad with the other hand she saw that not only had Dennis invited someone to her house, but he had also helped himself to her computer.  The file she had been working on was no where to be seen.  If Dennis had managed to delete the conference agenda she swore she would kill him.  Her whole body slumped as the angry woman’s voice on the answering machine cut through Charlie like a knife.  “Damn it, Charlie, why aren’t you answering either phone?  Do you understand that we have a conference in a few days?  You’re supposed to be there at your desk until 3:30.  Why aren’t you there?  What am I paying you for if you’re not going to be available to do the work you’re supposed to do?  Where is that agenda?  I told you I needed it today.  What is Edward going to do without it?  The Board of Directors are breathing down our throats for it.  Where is the end of month for Load Management?  Did you get the bank recs done for Ace?  Damn it, Charlie, if this keeps up I don’t think this arrangement is going to work.”  Charlie was really glad when the answering machine cut off.

    Wiping the tears from her eyes, a sick feeling in her gut she looked up to see Dennis standing there smirking.  “Wow, dummy, what did you fuck up this time?”

    She couldn’t believe it!  She blinked her eyes several times, the anger she felt at that moment evaporating her tears.  Leaping from her chair she moved towards him, she didn’t know what her face looked like but it must have been bad to have Dennis take a couple of steps back, his hands raised in surrender.  “I don’t believe you!  I wasn’t even gone an hour and already you have lied and broken my rules.  Who was that person and why was he at my house?”

    “Easy there, Char, that’s my buddy I was telling you about it.  He got me set up to go to a doctor tomorrow.  He’s paying the office visit and everything.  Can I borrow your car for a bit in the morning?”  Just like Dennis to never own up to his actions.  How easily he evaded her questions and attempted to turn her anger and at the same time get her to once again do something for him.

    “No.”  It was possibly the first time in history that Charlie had told Dennis no.  She wasn’t about to let him use her car, not for any reason.  “Abso-fucking-lutely no!  What the hell is he setting you up to see a doctor for?”  It didn’t make sense to her in the least.  Why in the world would this guy pay Dennis to go to a doctor and how was it going to help her brother?

    Dennis smiled, not in the least put off but Charlie refusing him, then sat down on the couch, patting the seat beside him to get her to sit with him.  “It’s like this.  Matt is going to set me up with a couple different pain management doctors.  With my health problems I can pretty much get whatever I ask for.  Then, Matt is going to sell the scripts and we split the money.  Charlie, Matt does it all the time and makes a small fortune!  I can do that just until I finish school!  Don’t you see?  It’s the change to make something of myself.”  As he talked she could see the look of excitement in his eyes and she frowned more.

    “Dennis, it’s illegal, not to mention stupid.  What happens if you get caught?  What happens if the doctors catch on and report you?  What happens to your hopes then?”  It was rather scary that in anything Charlie was the voice of reason.  She couldn’t stop herself from rolling her eyes at him.  “This has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard of.  You do realize they have a name for this right?  It’s called doctor shopping and it can land you in jail for a very long time.”  Standing to her feet she pointed at her computer.  “Where is the document that I was working on?”

    Dennis shot her a dirty look and muttered something about getting Matt to take him and that she would change her mind when she saw how much money he would make.  Shrugging at her question he kicked off his shoes, turned on the tv and laid down on the couch, intent on ignoring her.  He was going to show her.

    Sitting back at her desk it was everything Charlie could do to keep from screaming.  Couldn’t she just find a little room somewhere?  A room with padded wallpaper and a monogrammed I love me jacket?  It would be so much preferable to what she was dealing with now.  Forcing her mind back on her work she picked up the phone and dialed her boss, praying to whatever deity was listening that no one would pick up.  The phone didn’t even finish the first ring when her boss picked up and started ripping into her.  She took the dressing down; all the while her fingers were flying over the keyboard in an attempt to find the missing file.  She was just about to admit defeat and confess that the file was gone when she managed to find it, with a quiet prayer of thanks she told her boss that she would fax it over within the hour.

    No sooner had she hung up the phone than Randi was standing there, a very dead hamster in her hand and tears running down her face.  “Mommy!  Jumpy’s dead!”  Her wailing was like knives being driven into Charlie’s brain and the anguish rolling off her little girl in waves was enough to make Charlie’s stomach churn.  Carefully taking the little body from Randi’s hand she looked it over, hoping that maybe it wasn’t really dead.  No luck there.  Not only was it dead, but it looked like it had been squished.  Trying to block out some of Miranda’s grief over the little animal as well as send some soothing thoughts to the child, she set the hamster down on her desk and then picked Randi up into her lap, rocking her softly.  “What happened, sweetheart?”

    “He jumped and ran behind my toy chest..I tried to get him…”  As Randi talked the scene jumped into Charlie’s mind and she could see what had happened and fought not to groan at the image.  Randi had crushed the little thing in her attempt to get it out from behind the toy box.  Just as she opened her mouth to try and comfort her daughter, Dennis had to intrude.

    “It’s just a hamster, Randi, get over it.  It’s not like it would have lived long anyway.”

    Randi dissolved into further tears and Charlie was left just stunned, looking at the person that was supposed to be her brother.  How could anyone be so insensitive?  Before she could answer Dennis she felt a wave of anger, an anger she was all too familiar with.  Dale was home.  Not for the first time she wished that the family curse could have come with something like teleportation.  What she wouldn’t have given to have just vanished from the room, hell at this point from the country. 

    When Dale walked in the first thing he noticed was Randi crying and Charlie holding her looking like she was ready to commit murder.

    “What the hell have you done this time, Dennis?”  He dropped his tool bag by the door and glared at Dennis.  There weren’t many people in Charlie’s family that he liked, but her dad and Dennis were the two he disliked most, and for the same reason.  They both tore Charlie apart emotionally and didn’t even seem to care.  It always pissed him off how quick she was to jump when either of them called.