Mommy's mixed bag of feelings

One night as I was trying to get my toddler to go to sleep, she insisted on putting her head on my tummy. She suddenly sat up, tugged and pulled at my tummy and said” mommy, your tummy is so soft, like my pillow!!” Sweet, but not funny at all. Having a gut that’s as comfortable as a pillow is nothing to be excited about. I was reminded of the fact that I still needed to lose a few pounds.

"I love you Mommy" she said as she nestled her head on my tummy. "Good night, sweet dreams" she said drowsily. As far as she was concerned, she was in a safe comfortable spot and the lightning and thunder were no longer so scary. I looked at her and my heart seemed to miss a beat. I felt out of breath like my heart was about to literally burst out of my chest. We have had many moments like this but each time my heart reacts the same way. This little person is in my life loving me unconditionally, looking to me for comfort, wanting me to be Mommy whenever she wanted. The word "love" just doesn't seem to capture all that I feel. My heart jumps for joy in a way that's sweet but sometimes scary and painful. How am I going to make sure that she is protected from all the evils in the world? Am I doing all that I can for her? Is she going to love me always? What will happen when she grows up? Why does it seem that she likes Dad better than Mom? Sometimes I feel like such a failure....

Millions of Mommies around the world probably have these same thoughts in their quiet moments. Having a child is the most rewarding experience but it comes with its demands. A mixed bag of feelings -unfathomable joy, excitement, fear, guilt, worry, helplessness, etc. Millions and millions of mixed bags all different but similar.