Awareness.

As I grow increasingly aware of the lack of time for higher abstraction and contemplation I am noticing the slow growth of a lasting peace. It is almost as though I were discovering a natural secret garden within myself that I hadn't noticed for the most part of my life. I am an extreme person at any rate. I am perpetually questioning existence and most people don't seem to bother. I think it is because for the most part that they are either too busy maintaining an image of conformity or are constantly distracting themselves with trivialities; for example, pointless cell phone conversations, video games, etc. This is no longer disheartening to me, in fact, I feel rather privileged. I know the others are envious, but if the entire populace were of only one type; for example, football players, the world would grow very dull indeed. I simply accept the fact that I am not cut out for conformity or triviality and contribute as best I can the advice I have to offer without getting an overinflated ego about it. It makes me feel more myself when I am not fighting my natural creative impulses.

Everybody has a brain, but this is like stating that every person has an organic computer in abiding in their skull. Not everyone knows how to use that computer in the proper fashion so that it becomes a tool for bettering the environment.
Think about how many people own PCs just for a showpiece so they can say "Ya, I have a Computer. What's Up?" I don't complain for the most part because I consider it rude and a waste of valuable time and energy. That is my pride at work. I can be rude in other ways, but it is usually not through complaining. I have a certain sardonic attitude that tends to irritate the quiet types who are easily shocked by the horrors of realization. Most people in my shoes would end up in the sanitarium, but I am clever enough to know how to blend in with my fellow human beings without seeming too alienated. The ones who are in complete conformity can't seem to figure out what to make of me. I know conformists and non-conformists have the same amount of time, I simply choose to spend my time questioning the value of this conformity. This has given me a lot of insight into the depth of life beneath the shallow surface of everyday affairs and although I seem to have developed a greater awareness for the expanse of the vast unknown, the problem of time persists. Books remain on the shelf unread, projects remain unfinished and life rushes on at a suicidal pace. I was looking at all of the houses in the neighborhood and thought, society is all about competition. It really doesn't need to be this way. We are being shut out from one another. If every single person in the world helped their fellow human beings, all of the walls in society would come crashing down and there would be a vast open field of wheat swaying in the breeze; a peaceful harmony that allows the world to be as one. I hope you get the image.

The whole ego bit is very complex. It never goes away for good. It always returns to make sure it hasn't been left out. At least one can begin to realize the futility of pressing too hard for solutions. This can drive one crazy with multiple hypothesis' in the infinite conundrum known as existence. My most stable successes usually depends upon everything else cooperating with me at the moment. When I go pursuing goals in order to prove my worth, I inevitably get tangled up in ego traps. It is a good idea to have a sense of Humor. I view it as a scientist would. If at first I don't succeed, I try, try again. If I still fail, I give up and let nature have it's way. I have learned not to allow the illusion of human dominance over nature to gain a foothold on my sense of serenity. Sometimes it's better just to accept the fact that one is a dummy even when sure what one is doing. It's a simple and humble realization, but probably one of the more difficult and frustrating ones. Sometimes people listen only to themselves at any rate and there is nothing anybody can do to change that. If it is in one ear and out the other, I can only assume there is nothing between those ears. It's sad, but true. I'm not assuming that people aren't listening, but when they acknowledge me and then continue to do whatever it is they were doing without scruples, I have to step aside and belittle my own sense of worth. I'm not there to judge.

I Struggled with the whole Gnostic vs. Agnostic vs. Atheist debate for many years before realizing that it is not really a fair debate. None of the players are really acknowledging any rules outside of their own virtue. All they are doing is butting heads with each other. That seems funny now, I don't know why. The Gnostic sees God as ultimately knowable only through the understanding of scripture, the Agnostic is uncertain of the existence of God at any Rate and the Atheist dismisses God altogether. What's the Big Deal? That argument has no end.

If I want to believe in God, people should allow me to do just that. I'm not here to prove the existence of God, for proof denies faith and without faith, God is Nothing. I got that from 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' - Douglas Adams
In that final argument with God, the narrator becomes something of a smart Ass when stating -"But, says man. The babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It proves you exist and so therefore you don't. Q.E.D." I think this is so funny because it demonstrates how ignorance can be bliss in that the babel fish was responsible for more and bloodier wars than anything in the whole of creation. By effectively removing barriers between all cultures and all civilizations, the babel fish had finally gotten in the last word.